Tory Austerity Cuts Target Pensioners

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In the latest round of devastating austerity measures to hit public welfare spending just announced by our ‘not-fit-for-purpose’ Libservative Coalition government – the first they’ve dared to field since the proposed ‘pasties tax’ nigh incited a bloody ‘mobocracy’ revolution by the pie-munching common herd - Nick Boles, the Tory MP for Old Fudgers - yet another dog wanker who gained election to public office via manipulating the illusion of credibility and competence - has come up with a spiffing money-saving scheme: “Let’s get the Pensioners!”

Boles, one of Posh Dave Scameron’s toady 'oick' gophers and a brainwashed Tory ‘Yes’ man, aired personal views concerning austerity policy to Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on BBC Two's News-shite programme – specifically that in his unqualified opinion, all pensioners should be ‘means tested’ on reaching the age of 65 and those who’ve had the nuance – and luck – to salt a few bob away for their twilight years would henceforth be denied universal benefits such as free bus passes / public transport access, medical prescriptions (eye tests, walking sticks, Zimmer frames) or the already-diminished winter fuel allowance.

The pathetic Boles, due his cavalier attitude, has obviously failed to engage brain before opening mouth and overlooked the fact that Broken Britain’s older people still ‘vote’ and has marked his political career for termination with extreme prejudice come the next election, yet argues that pensioners must shoulder their fair share of spending cuts, with the cancellation of free television licences for the over 75s constituting a viable approach to kick starting this penny pinching campaign to turn a profit from our senior citizens.

Boles continued waffling that "We live in an age when we face some really uncomfortable choices and the pensioners have got to shoulder their fair share of the shit that’s coming down on us all – especially the Greeks – and simply doling out £107 quid a week each to a bunch of oldies who are no longer generating income for Mr Osborne’s Treasury piggy bank has got to stop.”

Well, at least the moronic twat got his figures right: single status pensioners get £107 quid to feed and clothe themselves plus pay all utility bills - while this super-prat pockets his fat cat MP’s salary of £65,738 per annum (plus ‘think of a figure then double it’ Parliamentary expenses) – which works out at £1,369 quid per week - while the tens of thousands of the common herd thrown out of work due enforced redundancy are expected to live off £60-odd nicker a week welfare benefit from the Joblesscentre.

The reaction from Candida Mingerot, editor of the Wrinklie’s Review, a senior citizen magazine, was critically caustic and condemning. “Who is this twat to be determining eligibility for pension benefits when we have the equally-incompetent Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith barely muddling through as the MP for Chigley and Camberwick Green?”

“This typically Tory ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to every fucking thing is a constant source of annoyance to me – especially so as I voted Lib-Dum and Mick Clogg has now become a subservient closet case Conservative and goes along with everything Posh Dave Scameron decrees. Just watch, this scam of Boles, the means testing, will produce a ‘cliff edge’ criterion – and as past histories of this practice show, the wrong people tend to fall off the cliff – so hopefully Nick Boles will be leading the defenestrators when the shit hits the fan regarding his piss-pottical proposals.”

Mrs Gladys Portaloo, a 69-year old widow from Smegmadale-on-Sea had this to say on the subject to a press hack from the Anarchists Gazette: “These tossers piss me right off. The jobless get a meagre £67 quid a week, pensioners like me receive £107 if single and only £171 if a married couple - whereas recent research compiled by Malnutrition magazine indicates a family needs £36,800 to be able to eat three meals a week and sleep easy - without the fear the next knock on the door is the bailiffs. So how do this clot Boles’ figures tally with the stark reality of the true situation?”
“Ye gods, this mess of pottage brought on our heads by New Labour and the Tories makes you miss the halcyon days of the Blitz.”

Boles, a close ally of PM Posh Dave Scameron, is also calling for a shift to policies which he believes will raise the productivity and competitiveness of the UK's workforce – specifically a further significant slashing of tax credits and housing benefit, and a re-examination of what he terms “the pathetic sentimentalism of the Sure Start programme of children's centres” – along with the closure of the Remploy work centres for the disabled.

So, let’s take a closer look at Mr Boles and see what makes him ‘tick’. Well, he claims productivity and competitiveness are his lodestars and anyone who no longer contributes to society has no place in it.
To wit, Boles is rumoured to be an active member of the Stavros Group’s neo-Nazi ‘Euthanasia Now!’ committee, a dystopian organisation allegedly founded by Prince Philip, old Virus Man himself, and whose core fascist policy promotes the eradication of ‘useless eaters’- with Boles being the type of scumbag who wouldn’t think twice about consigning his own mother to the Zurich–based Dignitas Clinic for ‘recycling’

Further, Boles was the pillock responsible for the imprudent, moronic remark that the phone hacking scandal involving Rupert Mudrock’s News Corporation crime syndicate was merely “a bit of a local difficulty blown out of all proportion by New Labour shit-stirrers”.

Ouch! Now, three concurrent – and ongoing – Met’ Plod Squad investigations later, plus a raft of arrests and resignations, plus the closure of the Sunday Shitraker and the break-up of News Corporation into smaller criminal enterprises – Boles’ dismissive comment has got to qualify as the ‘Understatement of the Year’.

Last March this self-same cretin took the Tory Party’s 'Friends of Israel Club' concept a step beyond the pale by getting shacked up to one, Mr Shay O’chel Batachat, in a gay civil partnership.

Thus if we consider the Ten Commandments of the Holy Bible's Old Testament / the Pentateuch to be a guidestone to social virtues that still applies in this depraved modern world then perhaps Boles’ own flawed character traits and moral value judgements might be questioned in accordance with the words of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 – which condemns 'men lying with other men' – and specifically 'sodomy' - as an ‘abomination’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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