Scameron Anoints Olympics Missile Deployment

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s pathetic excuse for a Defence Secretary, Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond, announced during a press conference yesterday – initially called to condemn President ‘Basher’ Assad and his belligerent Syrian military regime for shooting down two Tornado GR4 fighter aircraft belonging to RAF Lossiemouth’s 617 Squadron in bonny Scotland – that the case to deploy Shitstreak and Rapist surface-to-air missile batteries on top of blocks of residential apartments around London during the Olympic Games had now been proven beyond all shadow of doubt due this latest atrocity by a rogue Muslim terrorist cartel posing as an Arab government.

Denying earlier reports, which appeared on the front page banner headline of the Warmongers Gazette, that the two Tornado fighters had actually suffered a head-on collision while playing a game of aerial dogfight ‘chicken’, the insufferable Hammond claimed that while one aircrew had successfully ejected and been rescued, the pilot and navigator of the second Tornado were believed to have been kidnapped by Syrian intelligence agents operating from a Russian submarine in the Moray Firth crash zone.

Hammond, the Tory MP for Runnynose and founder of the town’s Chronic Halitosis Club - and yet another of the Tory-dominated Cabinet’s zillionaire Ministers, who made his money from speculating on firewood futures during the Twatcher-era coal miner strikes - further added as justification for the controversial missile battery placements “Whilst until this unprovoked attack on our RAF Tornados yesterday there was no certain and imminent terrorist threat to the London Olympics venue, the public expects that their government act with prudence by expediting a range of measures aimed at ensuring the ‘safety’ and security of this once-in-a-generation event.”

Safety? Que? WTF? Any aerial-launched attack vehicles (hijacked plane / nutcase on hang glider wearing a Semtex vest) used by Muslim terrorists against the Stratford Olympic stadium or other related venues that are shot down by a Shitstreak or Rapist missile within the three mile effective range radius of the sited batteries - coming in from the North, South, East or West of London, will bring whatever airborne threat hurtling down on a residential / inhabited area with catastrophic ‘fireball’ consequences – probably exceeding the kill factor of such actually hitting an Olympics-related event. And this is Hammond’s idea of ensuring the safety of the hapless public?

To impale himself further on his own bullshit rhetoric, old ‘Dandruff’ added: "A small number of Bolshie civil rights activists have unpatriotically objected to the deployment of these defensive measures and they are currently being investigated by the intelligence services for possible Islamic terrorist sympathies and might well end up being arrested on charges of pre-crime treason.”

Confirming Hammond’s words, Posh Dave Scameron, speaking to a reporter from the Muslim Basher's Review outside Whitehall’s Black Propaganda Ministry, revealed that responsibility for the actual ‘Fire’ order for the missile batteries would come from London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense after Deputy PM Mick Clogg refused to be involved in any ‘finger on the button’ act that could prove to be a classical career suicide move.
“This Assad oick and his terrorist mates, not satisfied with firing their missiles at Turkish fighter jets, have now taken the offensive against us for pushing sanctions against Syria and barring their athletes from the 2012 Olympics here in London. That’s why we need the missile battery emplacements on top of these high rise blocks of flats around Slumborough Hamlets, such as the 17-story Fred Wogg Tower, to counter future threats.”

Conversely, Bazzer McScrote, director of Twat-Watch, the government abuse monitor charity, opined to the media that “Have these morons at the MoD got a team of rock apes thinking this shit up? Wot we’ve got here is a class act of insanity. More disingenuous government narratives, media psyops’s and manipulated terrorist threats stirrin' up psychological trauma fer the effin’ public wot’s shittin’ kittens already cos of rumours about that Welsh poofter wot worked fer GCHQ an’ MI5 an’ got shoved in a North Face holdall an’ snuffed fer planning ter do a whistle-blowin’ stunt an’ snitch them up fer who really did the 7/7 tube train terror attacks.”

“So in place of the next Big Al Qaeda Gang’s terrorist ‘Shock n Awe’ attack we’ve got Hammond an’ the upper echelons of the Libservative Coalition now demonisin’ Basher Assad an’ Syria as the latest Islamic bogeyman an’ perpetuating this concocted version of reality, punctuated wiv graphic portrayals of Jolly Jihad suicide bomber strikes – all courtesy of MI5’s False Flag Department – an’ generate an excuse fer a NATO humanitarian intervention invasion ter unseat the Damascus regime an’ old Assad gets it in the neck, same as wot Saddam Hussein an’ Gaddafi did.”

Thought for the day. 2012 Olympic Games terror threat levels:
Critical - attack expected imminently – ICTS Security manning airports / Mossad Hi-Fivers Unit team up with the UK’s Force Reconnaissance Regiment agent provocateurs at Stagecoach Bus Depot in London.
Severe - attack highly likely – Mohammed al Patsy spotted at Stoogewell Tube Station on Verint Systems CCTV.
Substantial – false flag attack a strong possibility / Visor Consultants carry out anti-terror drill with MI5 / Mossad.
Moderate - attack possible due increase of BBC Chicken Little Hour media hysteria.
Low - an attack unlikely due lack of media propaganda.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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