Paranoia Attack Closes M6 Motorway

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The entire road transportation system of Broken Britain was brought to a grinding halt yesterday when an NHS prescription-approved electronic cigarette being primed for a quick drag by a bus passenger was mistaken by a neurotic fellow traveller for a thermo-nuclear device getting armed and ready to detonate at the Olympic Games opening ceremony.

This ‘paranoid patriot’ whistleblower, apparently a member of PM Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society ‘Snitch & Grassers Club’, quick as a flash used his cellphone to contact GCHQ’s ‘Terrorist Alert’ hotline – along with every other fucker and their dog – from the local Staffordshire Plod Squad to MI5, the Salvation Army, the Lichfield Girl Guides troop - and the ‘dirty deeds done dirt cheap’ Force Reconnaissance Regiment.

According to eye witnesses caught up in the ensuing traffic jam, military types in fatigues descended like a shower of shit from choppers as the police evacuated the London-bound Megabus coach - with a headcount of 48 hapless passengers forced to sit on the Weeford Tollway tarmac for hours in a noughts and crosses cordon arrangement while they decided which ones to shove on the next CIA / MI6 extraordinary rendition flight to Saudi Arabia or Qatar for a spot of waterboarding and further questioning.

Armed officers, troops, fire fighters, ambulances and paramedics and bomb disposal experts, along with sniffer dogs and forensic techies were also brought in to aid the overkill mission, as a team of anoraks and beardies from the Porton Down and Aldermaston weapons research facilities, all kitted out in bio-hazard and radiation suits, scoured the Megabus charabanc for weapons of mass distraction – finally emerging with an electronic cigarette device which was destroyed in a controlled explosion in an adjacent field – just to be on the safe side.

The actual whistle-blower Frank McScrote, who managed to single-handedly bring the North-South traffic flow of the entire M6 to a grinding halt for four hours plus told press hacks “I sees some smoke comin’ outa this bloke’s bag, an’ he looks just like the wanted posters shown on the telly of that Mohammed bin Patsy an’ his mate Kareem al Ka-Boom wot did the 7/7 job on the London underground an’ that bus wot got the top blown off.”
“Okay, they might have got snuffed on the tube or shot at Canary Wharf, but it could have bin his brother or summat – even if he woz clean shaven an’ had ginger hair.”

Passenger Bev Titwank later told the BBC’s False Alarm Hour programme “I didn’t know what the fuck woz goin’ on an’ we woz made ter sit cross-legged on the tarmac and it were right cold an’ me haemorrhoids started playin’ up. Then I pissed me knickers cos it woz all dead scary and frightening, like – an’ it’s a wonder I didn’t shit me pants as well like wot happened at Alton Towers last year on that Oblivion ride thingy.”

Chief suspect Ron Hopeless, a trainee wheelbarrow mechanic from Preston, later told media reporters “For fuck’s sake, there was more plods and Renta-Thug types than you could shake a stick at, an’ them MI5 twats shoves a copy of the Terrorism Act in me face an’ sez “Read this, Achmed” - then they stuck me in a North Face holdall head first then zipped it up an’ one of ‘em started kickin’ me in the guts while the other sod kept shoutin’ “Where’s the effin’ Semtex?” So that’s it, no more fuckin’ electric ciggies fer me – I’m back on the nicotine gum.”

Following the incident which shut the M6 toll road in both directions, with traffic backed up to Gretna in the North and the Catthorpe Interchange in the South, Bev Titwank, a spokeswoman for Stagecoach / Megabus informed the media “We had 48 passengers booked on the Preston to London service and apart from initially all shitting kittens and shouting “It’s a fucking bomb!” – following a four hour squat on the tollway tarmac, they’re all negatively traumatised, dehydrated, hungry and ready to get trucking again. But security’s the top priority, especially since those rotten scumbags from MI5 and the Force Recon’ Regiment blew the top off our No 30 double-decker in Tavistock Square on 7/7. ”

Oh well, this is a dire phenomenon of their own making and a direct result of the government’s scare-mongering and repeated false flag terror attacks and associated hysteria.
We have the Ministry of Black Propaganda’s Chicken Little High Anxiety Department promoting a culture of paranoia via the media at every opportunity, demonising the Muslim population as potential suicide bomber crazies and the culture of Islam as breeding a hatred of Western ‘Democratic’ freedoms (sic) – and all to justify their ‘War on Terror’ illegal neo-colonial invasions – and get Tony Bliar off the hook for his war crimes.

Thought for the day. Anyone smell a rat here? A contrived ‘false alarm’ (read false flag) practice run drill to field the UK’s entire anti-terrorist apparatus and emergency support services (body bags, morticians, FRR agents provocateur) – along with a gaggle of salivating media hacks – and take ‘four hours’ to determine the purported threat to Western civilisation, our Democratic freedoms – and all life on Earth – was not more than an electro-ciggy?

However, while we might well expect more of the same as the Olympics approach, it’s a pity these useless twats can’t be galvanised into a similar fast-act response when some hapless sod reports an Asbo event or a burglary.

Regardless, fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.