Olympics Policing Madness Kicks In

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

More than 180 cyclists have been arrested following breaches of an ambiguous ‘security gone mad’ fascist state ‘No Go’ area restriction, with scuffles breaking out between the Met’s moronic Plod Squad and Critical Mass event cyclists around the outskirts of the Olympic Park on the opening night of the Games – much to the amusement of Bolshie anarchists and radical types the world over who viewed the resulting brouhaha on YouTube - all caught for posterity by the cyclists’ live feed helmet cams.

Scotland Yard’s press officer, WPC Bev Titwank, issued a statement to media hacks that they’d made numerous arrests of rabble-rousing agitators around the Olympic Park for offences under Section 12 of the Public Order Act 1986 - for ignoring Games Lanes restrictions, breaching the security cordon and attempting
to incite chaos and mayhem – and kick start a violent revolution to overthrown Broken Britain’s established monarchal order.

“While we are considering filing charges against the Critical Mass cyclists that were arrested and since bailed, it is simply untrue and typical of their anti-establishment black propaganda campaign that one group were actually ambushed and corralled for three hours in the Warthog Terraces cul-de-sac behind the Olympic Stadium, nor that several required medical treatment for first degree scalding burns after being kettled by the police.”

Section 12 of the POA 1986 bestows blinkered ‘tunnel vision’ plods operating under their ‘one size fits all’ policy with the neo-fascist power to impose restrictions on public processions – even if the persons involved are riding bikes – and since the failed prosecution of the Territorial Thug Group’s PC Harwood last week for the manslaughter of Ian Tomlinson, perhaps also the authority to beat news vendors to death with impunity.

Plod Squad officers raking in the overtime around the Olympic Park during the opening ceremony on Friday night have admitted they arrested 182 activists on bicycles who attempted to breach their designated ‘sanitised security zone’ – a one mile square area that some Met officers would prefer to see sown with the BAE Systems all-new Princess Di’ memorial model M86 ‘Foot Gone’ anti-personnel mines.

Bazzer McSkanger, director of the Occupy London and ‘Lynch-a-Crapitalist’ groups, part of the global movement that has waged demonstrations against financial institutions, Agenda 21, and other Kafkaesque New World Order globalist policies – and most recently the nauseous over-commercialisation and immoral monopolising of Olympics by the like of toxic soft drinks manufacturer Coca-Cola along with McDonalds, Biffo’s Barf Burger and Pukerella’s Pizza chew n spew fast food franchises – was interviewed by press hacks in his hospital bed at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence in Stepney on Saturday morning.

“This week’s Critical Mass bike-a-thon woz held ter demonstrate against these disgustin’ Corporate Games an’ Locog givin’ away two million free tickets ter the rich an’ shameless an’ our effin’ roads bein’ turned inter exclusive highways fer fat cat VIPs. While we get austerity shoved down our throats at every turn by this twat Scameron these sponsorship tossers are rewarded wiv lashin’s of privilege an’ a license ter go profiteerin’ at our expense.”

“So there woz about 500 ter 600 of us wot met up on the south side of Waterloo Bridge an' then we heads off north towards Stratford an’ the effin’ plods keep tryin’ ter divert us back across the river so we splits up inter two tactical groups an’ shoot down back alleys an’ across car parks an’ what-have-yer in a peaceful display of Ghandi style non-compliant civil disobedience.”

“My gang had just turned inter Bow Road in Stratford when the Plods starts bawlin’ over the tannoy that we’re ter halt an’ turn around – or else. So we sez “Fuck it” an’ carries on – then the next thing I hears is “Incoming!” an’ a barrage of AGM 114 Shitstreak air-to-ground ‘cyclist-seeker’ missiles get launched from on top of the Fred Woggs Tower flats at Slumborough Hamlets – an’ it’s a good job I pulled over ter roll up a smoke cos this lot blasts the shit outa the poor sods up front.”

“Next thing, before we get a chance ter pick ourselves up an’ execute Plan B – wot woz ter wave a white flag an’ surrender - a couple of Royal Navy Apache WAH-64D gunships appear overhead an’ starts strafin’ us wiv their Hughes M230 electric chain guns an’ Hydra 70 rockets – an’ that woz when a lump of effin’ shrapnel ripped the spokes outa me front wheel an’ I went flyin’ arse over tit.”

Thought for the day. Thinking of visiting the Olympic Games venues? Then be afraid – very afraid. Welcome to your first taste prelude of ‘Martial Law Britain’ and don’t even think twice about taking your own butties and a bag of cold chips – or giving one of the uniformed security psychos a sideways glance.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.