Thursday, 19 July 2012

Foreign Diplomats Taking de Piss

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

According to a recently-released House of Conmans report, foreign diplomats in London owe £58 zillion quid in congestion charges since the scheme's launch by Mayor Red Ken Livingroom in 2003 – with staff belonging to the Great Satan’s US of A Embassy being the worst offenders, having built up outstanding fines now in excess of £6 million nicker.

Typically, in their unqualified arrogance and contempt for all things not ordained as being in the American image, the US State Department claim their foreign service corps have diplomatic immunity which exempts them from paying the congestion charge – or parking fine penalties – and pretty much doing what the fuck they want.

The Tory Party’s pro-Zionist Foreign Secretary Willy Vague informed a press hack from the Delinquents Gazette that a total of sixty-four diplomatic missions owe more than £50 zillion quid in congestion charges and parking fines to the office of Bonkers Boris Nonsense, the current Mayor of the London Metropolitan Borough.

“Really, it’s not good enough. These sodding oicks might well be entitled to claim diplomatic immunity, but that does not constitute a license to commit petty crimes and refuse to pay the on-the-spot penalties incurred – or the massive amounts of council tax and business rates they are in arrears on their respective embassy and consulate properties.”

“Okay, I suppose we expect to encounter a few problems with some of the cash-strapped Third World dumps trying to maintain a diplomatic mission in London, but not the likes of that Chief Wormhole N’Dinga Jaffacake, the Ambassador of Bongabongaland, out around the casinos and Soho clubs every night, gambling and whoring and paying his way in conflict diamonds – then he pleads poverty when old Mayor Bonkers sends the bailiffs round with a council tax writ.”

“Same with the Saudi Arabian Ambassador, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer. A multi-zillionaire business tycoon in his own right, who claims the hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet around the Middle East. Drives around London with his harem of catamites and parks his sodding stretch limo outside Selfridges or Harrods while his wives go off on shoplifting expeditions – then threatens the traffic wardens with beheading and rips up the parking tickets.”

With the Great Satan in first place, Russia and Japan had the highest totals in unpaid congestion charges, owing more than £4 million quid each, followed by Ms Merkel’s Krautland with over £3 million.

Unpaid parking fines from 2011.

Saudi Arabia: £135,963
Nigeria: £67,585
Bongabongaland: £58,638
Turkey: £28,230
Afghanistan: £14,495
Malaysia: £12,555
France: £12,195

Total unpaid congestion charges.

USA: £6,146,640
Russia: £4,653,960
Japan: £4,160,280
Germany: £3,641,170
Bongabongaland: £3,472,618
Saudi Arabia: £3,629,347
Nigeria: £3,129,030

So, what’s the answer to the problem? Well, Transport for London could try to sign them all up for a Boris Bike contract.
But, as the same rule of law applies to the common herd, get our closet case FS Willy Vague and Justice Secretary Ken Clarke on the case – write out a few “Read this, Tremble and Obey’ style letters – which worked wonders for the Ming Emperors of the Middle Kingdom.
Then if they don’t pay up sharpish-like, start a campaign of stabbing their tyres, clamping and towing away – straight down to the local recycling yard and crush ‘em into ‘diplomatically-immune’ scrap bales.

Yep, that should get their collective attentions focused pretty fast.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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