UK Government Kibosh Torture Inquiry

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A controversial high octane inquiry into allegations of wrongdoing by the UK's security services is to be shit-canned due the increasing exposure of the government and the MI5 / MI6 I-Spy institutions to international condemnation and prosecution for their collective sins and destined to be replaced with a decaffeinated review undertaken by the Met’s Plod Squad Authority under the chairmanship of Commissioner Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McGnasher.

Justice Secretary Ken ‘Flipper’ Clarke, founder of the pro-Conservative Rushcliffe Halitosis Society, informed one press hack from the Coverups Gazette that the inquiry into the alleged ‘mistreatment’ of political prisoners and suspected terrorist detainees (a euphemistic term for ‘human rights abuses’ and ‘torture’) could not continue as the evidence of culpability was unfairly stacked against the guilty parties involved.

The Detainee Inquiry, composed of retired High Court judge the Rt. Hon. Armitage Shanks, Sir Dinsdale Spatchcock QC, and Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle was launched by PM Posh Dave Scameron in July 2010 to investigate allegations that MI5 and MI6 had been up to their usual brand of mischief by aiding and abetting the CIA with the rendition and ill-treatment of Muslim terrorism suspects - specifically Mohammed bin Patsy and his cohorts - in the wake of Mossad’s infamous false flag attacks on the World Trade Centre towers and the Pentagon on September 11th 2001.

When Scameron announced to the House of Conmans assembly that he intended to launch a fully independent inquiry into the top secret shenanigans of MI5 / MI6 – raising bouts of raucous laughter and hoots of disbelief from amused MPs - he stated for the Hansard record at the time that to ignore the claims of wrongdoing would simply serve to confirm the security services’ reputation of being fast, cheap and out of control as actual fact.

In response to Ken Clarke’s announcement that the Detainee Inquiry was to be scrapped and a Met Plod Squad Authority investigation take over the work, Amnesty International’s director Norma Duckfat yesterday opined to the media
“Fer fuck’s sake, here we go again. Scotland Yard took three effin’ years over lookin’ into the cases of Guantanamo Bay detainees – so how long is it gonna take them to fabricate a convincin’ cover-up of Vauxhall Cross’s litany of crimes against humanity?”

“The one toppin’ their list should be the case of Abdel Hakim Bellendi, a Turkish wheelbarrow mechanic and practicing Coptic Christian who was mistaken for Al Qaeda’s chief bomb maker, Shaheed al Ka-Boom and got his sad arse snatched off the street in Bangkok while he was on his holidays an’ shoved on an extraordinary rendition flight to Tripoli by a joint CIA and MI6 operation.”

“Now that incident should definitely get a mention in the big black Naughty Book as they were helpin’ Colonel Gaddafi round up his enemies – before he ended up in the number one spot of the Hit Parade himself.”
“Mr Bellendi claims British intelligence operatives in Libya usually called in to see him twice a week – normally just flying visits to rip a couple of his fingernails out and give him a good kicking while demanding to know the whereabouts of the Al Qaeda hierarchy.”

“Bellendi was held for a year-and-a-half in a cell with no room service, no internet access or facilities to order a take-out, and the only time he was able to have a bath and get a cold drink of water was during the daily water boarding sessions. Yes, eighteen months he was there getting the shit kicked out of him before some bright spark from the ‘intelligence’ services cottoned on to the fact he wasn’t an Arab or an Afghan – or a Muslim – or a muhijadeen terrorist.”

Thought for the day. Things could have turned out a lot worse for Mr Bellendi – especially if he’d been mistaken for a Brazilian electrician.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.