Saturday, 7 January 2012

Saudi: One Small Step Towards Civilisation

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The backward Third World desert shithole, designated in atlases as the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, today followed in the innovative footsteps of the Peoples Marxist Utopia of China in making a Maoist style ‘Great Leap Forward’ quantum jump towards joining the rest of the known Universe in the 21st Century.

The strict Wahhabist autocratic state, in which goats have more civil rights than the chador-clad Saudi bitches, has achieved a humanitarian first by passing legislation that only women will be permitted to work in lingerie stores and sell the erotic merchandise to other females of the species – with all cross-dressing Arab transvestites now having to shop for their silky undergarments in Ali’s Ibn Zamel & Istimna Emporium down at Riyadh’s Camel Hump Mega Mall.

Perhaps the discerning Western expatriate might comment “So fuckin’ what – yer can’t see owt under those thick black flannel an’ felt burkas anyways – an’ if yer ever manage ter peek round her veil yer find out she’s only got one eye an’ all her teeth fell out wiv gallopin’ gob rot years before – an’ her snatch stinks like an Arbroath smokie.”

Conversely, Saudi womanhood is delighted by the Royal Decree bestowed upon the sought-after legislation by none other than the 96-year old King Abdullah bin Fat Git himself, which now mandates that male shop assistants will henceforth be banned from participating in the questionable pleasure of serving female customers with their selections of erotic lingerie.

"It's about time, it's been one fuck of a long struggle and the authorities have finally come to their senses," announced Jeddah’s Radio Bala’a il A’air journalist Ms Zeenat Sharmuta – adding that any woman who could afford to would shop abroad rather than face the embarrassment of trying on a new bra in front of a male counter assistant.

“While the rest of the civilised world has just entered the New Year of 2012, our intellectually-challenged country, dominated spiritually, and hence socio-politically too, by the Grand Mufti’s Islamic dogma and the Mutaween religious police, is struggling to drag its backward arse into the Middle Ages year of 1433. But this is a good step forward as I do not want to be buying my crotchless panties and peephole bras from some dog-wanking chauvinist fallāḥ who gets off fantasising over me.”
“Insha’ Allah, at this rate of female liberalisation we might be able to drive a car and go out in public alone – and take a shower without clothes on – before 2025.”

The Saudi women who can work are usually the elitists, educated abroad and employed in professional careers in the medical or government service arenas - whereas the new law could potentially create up to 40,000 work opportunities for ordinary Saudi women who have hitherto had no job-related training - apart from washing laundry, cooking and playing the compliant three-hole whore for their husbands.
Hence the legions of suppressed reports of cases of clinical depression and the numerous psycho-neurosis and claustrophobia-related suicides amongst the Prozac-addicted Saudi women simply crying out for freedom and a breath of fresh air – and to paraphrase Oscar Wilde’s words “Women who looked with such a wistful eye upon that little tent of blue which prisoners call the sky - and at every drifting cloud that went with sails of silver by”.

King Abdullah bin Fat Git’s decree is viewed by many as royal support for a social revolution that is being instigated and pushed through in the face of fierce opposition from Saudi’s top clerics - who are totally opposed to women working outside the home.
The kingdom's Grand Mufti, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, has warned shop owners that regardless of what King Abdullah says, employing women is a crime and prohibited by Islamic Sharia law – and an offence that will be pursued and punished by the country’s barbaric fascist version of the Inquisition – the manky Mutaween religious police.

Thought for the day: Hmmm, and people complain about Broken Britain and CCTV cameras and the encroaching surveillance society. In the theocratic, supremacist, misogynist, homophobic, racist, torturing, expansionist, terror-funding, negative adjective-prone dictatorship of Saudi Arabia, women who get caught moaning in the throes of eroticism and achieve an orgasm during a masturbation or lesbian sex session get stoned (to death with cobbles – not high on ganja) by the Monty Pythonesque ‘Mutaween’ religious police. Nice people.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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