In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Broken Britain’s Tory Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, sneaked quietly off on a junket to Saudi Arabia last week to boost the UK’s export trade during meetings with a score of kleptocrats charged with running the kingdom’s window-dressing government - plus holding in-camera talks with the 96-year old despotic ruler of the Third World shithole – (a lard-arsed slob hovering two steps away from a massive heart attack or a stroke) - His Absolute Ruthlessness, King Abdullah bin Fat Git –- along with his heir apparent, 79-year old fanatical Wahhabist Crown Prince Naff al Twatt.
The top secret talks were held at the opulent Palace of One Thousand Catamite Delights in Riyadh, which Downing Street hopes will broaden and deepen the UK-Saudi relationship regarding arms sales and support for the pro-Zionist West’s regime change push throughout the region.
One of the main aims of the trip, organized by the City of London’s Rothshite crime syndicate and BAE Weapons Systems, was to establish a closer, personal relationship between PM Scameron and Crown Prince Naff on the basis that they have so much in common – starting with their absurd, exaggerated sense of entitlement and self-importance – and too an inherent abuse of privilege.
Both men, in their own right, have benefited from a classical Ripping Yarns style English public school education, where they were indoctrinated into the rituals of junior Freemasonry and gained their first experiences of ‘pitch & catch’ cottaging – hence ensuring a vulnerable spot for blackmail and bribery in their future adult, political careers.
Diplomatic service insiders are of unanimous accord that Posh Dave and Prince Naff have egos far larger than their collective IQs – and are jointly possessed with ambitions far beyond the reach of their limited intellects – a prerequisite for their manipulation in the roles of prime minister and future monarch.
Saudi Arabia is the UK's largest trading partner in the Middle East and, being a bunch of hopeless slobs too lazy to wipe their own arses, dependent on the import of BAE’s advanced precision kill weapon systems with their built-in DASALs active laser seekers - plus an assortment of other low and high-tech arms ranging from cattle prods and thumb screws to automatic testicle crushers, computerized water-boarding kits and electric knee-cappers worth in excess of £45 zillion quid per annum.
Hence this supply chain contract is one the Tory-dominated Libservative Coalition government views as vital to advancing Britain's interests in the conflict-torn Mid-East Gulf region and being the raison de etre to persuading the Saudis to march to the beat of the Great Satan’s ‘Foreign Policy Initiative’ drumbeat in stirring up negative sentiments towards Syria’s beleaguered Assad regime, denouncing Hezbollah and Hamas - and backing the US-Israeli planned first strike attacks and invasion of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Conversely, speaking to one press hack from the Warmongers Gazette, New Labour MP Chlamydia Mingerot, chairwoman of the Parliamentary committee on arms export controls, commented that Saudi Arabia had an appalling human rights and wrongs record that surpassed both those of Hitler’s Nazi Germany and the rogue state of Israel’s criminal treatment of the marginalised populations of the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip - which the prime minister could not ignore – unless he no longer gave a shit about his credibility and reputation for gross hypocrisy.
“Really, Cabbage Patch Dave’s there flogging all kinds of nasty arms to these barbarians who don’t even believe in God or have any churches – and we want to know what they’re going to be used for. The suppression of women and the further torture and murder of pro-democracy protesters in Bahrain by the Saudi military’s 21st Renta-Thug Battalion – and too their own Shia nationals supporting the popular Arab Spring pro-democracy uprisings in the Ash Sharqiyah region and Ghawar oil fields.”
“What’s more to the point we’ve even got the Royal Family in on the act now and they obviously don’t give a shit about human rights abuses or war crimes when that cloth-eared clot Prince Edward and his piranha-faced missus Sophie stopped over in Bahrain last week on a mooching mission after being on some taxpayer-funded junket or other – and go cosying up to that scumbag murdering bastard King Hamad bin Psycho - then accepting a wheelbarrow full of jewels off him – doubtless now on the other side of some pawnshop counter knowing the habits of that money-grubbing slapper Sophie.”
In response to this diatribe, due Scameron’s absence, Foreign Secretary Willy ‘Closet Case’ Vague – exhibiting his customary disturbing economy concerning matters involving ‘the truth’ - informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Sod that silly bitch Chlamydia, she’s just out to stir up trouble, as per bloody usual. Saudi Arabia is the UK’s largest trading partner in the Middle East – and also has unique influence on the Arab League due its dispensation of monetary largess in coercing them to put pressure on Assad’s repressive regime in Syrian and get them prepared for the NATO ‘humanitarian intervention’ military invasion.”
“Hey, okay, so it’s a cliché, but if we didn’t supply them with weapons and interrogation equipment, then someone else would. And I do wish you media types would stop saying we’re participating in the torture of these Arab Spring protester criminals. We don’t call it torture anymore – the practice is now referred to with the politically correct term of ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’. Same as MI6’s part in helping Mossad knock off the Iranian nuclear boffins – it’s only classed as ‘terrorism’ when they do it. When we stick a bomb on the side of some sod’s car it’s classed as ‘covert warfare’.”
"Oh, I know we have lots of bleeding heart do-gooders and critics going on about how we shouldn't be friends with King Abdullah bin Fat Git and his gang of Neanderthals - or that Posh Dave aught not to be drumming up business with a bunch of despotic philistines and savages who treat their women worse than battery hens.”
“But what these oicks are forgetting is the fact that Saudi Arabia – its appalling human rights record besides - is such an important ally with having all that oil – and lots of money to spend on British arms. Really, if we didn’t have the Saudi military as our best customer then where would Chancellor Osborne be, I ask you? His piggy bank would be rattling with just a couple of worthless euros in it – and then the local authority budget cuts and austerity measures would really kick in.”
Thought for the day. Britain, waving aloft the banner of human rights, is once again seeking to provide a despotic pro-Western / Zionist regime with the latest killing technologies to repress the protesters calling for peace and democracy in their own countries, and here we have the likes of FS Willy Vague juggling rhetoric over hypocrisy in an attempt to put an acceptable face on the unacceptable – akin to adding a touch of gloss to a pile of shit – so it smells nice - a misguided policy fraught with the spectre of unintended consequences.
Hmmm, the jackboot’s first steps on the path to fascism are always tip-toe soft.
Alas, Cabbage Patch Dave and his Tory cohorts are so institutionally-corrupt and bent that if any of their number dropped down dead from a stifled conscience attack (doubtful) then there’d be no need to dig a grave but simply wind them into the ground like a corkscrew.
To misquote the French ‘Age of Enlightenment’ philosopher Denis Diderot: “There will never be peace and harmony in the greater Middle East region until the last of the Rothshite crime syndicate’s ZioNazis is strangled with the gutted intestines of the final corrupt Western politician”.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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