Monday, 2 January 2012

Royal Parasite Sets Walking Record

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Duke of Edinburgh was roundly applauded by hordes of local lickspittle peasants yesterday as he walked completely unaided the ten-plus metres from his chauffeured limousine into St Seymour’s Church for Latter Day Scroungers to attend the traditional New Year's service.

The 120-year-old royal parasite was making his first public appearance after spending four nights in hospital at the taxpayers’ expense over Christmas following an acute anxiety attack brought on after being advised by the official Buckingham Palace tittle-tattle, Sir Gervais McTwatt, that Mohamed al Fayed had appeared on televised footage outside his Mayfair residence boasting to gutter press news hacks he now had in his possession from MI5 snitches a file of incriminating documented evidence that “Phil the Greek ordered the Pont de l’Alma tunnel hit on Princess Di’ an’ my boy Dodo - cos she was up the tub wiv a Muslim sprog.”

This was the second occasion in the year that the Prince had been rushed to hospital with a health scare – the previous one being last March when his ‘good manners’ transplant rejected him. Prior to this he was given a clean bill of health in September 2009 following extensive diagnostic tests undertaken after learning that one of his ex-Gordonstoun bumboy fags – Spatchcock minor - had died of AIDS that August.

Tens of thousands of brain dead peasants stood out in the pissing rain, lining the lane leading to the Sandringham estate church – with the overspill cluttering the surrounding fields in the hope of catching a glimpse of someone even remotely ‘royal’ who might saunter or drive past and totally ignore them.

It had not been known whether Prince Philip would attend the New Year service as his hospital confinement meant he missed the Royal Family's vulgarian Christmas celebrations as well as the traditional Boxing Day shoot - which Philip customarily leads and involves the Wicked Windsors blasting away with shotguns at anything that flies or runs – including partridge, rabbits, pheasants, peasants, beaters, paparazzi and dumbfounded doggers.

Prince Philip was the first royal to leave the church, revelling in the pathetic displays of slave-like devotion, cap-doffing and applause from the unwashed peasantry who sang “For he’s a jolly good fellow!” as he walked back to his limo’ without the aid of a sedan chair or a piggy back from the Royal Toady - even managing to step carefully around puddles although several obliging rustic peon types did prostate themselves across the path to allow His Regal Rudeness to step on them and save getting his brogues muddy.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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