Polack Cabinet Snuff Plot Thickens

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If anyone thinks that the Israeli Mossad / Great Satan’s CIA military-industrial cabal’s false flag Islamic terrorist op’ on 9/11 was an amateurish sore thumb ‘smoke & mirrors’ conspiracy to stick the blame on Al Qaeda and Mohammed al Patsy and justify the illegal invasion of Afghanistan, then take a look at this dog and pony show – the blatant audacity has defied both common sense and comprehension of what the New World Order elitist scum conceive the common herd will believe and swallow since its execution on April 10th 2010.

PM Putin’s psycho Russian crime syndicate, unhappy with the state of things in Poland since the fall of their good old totalitarian junta buddy General Wojciech Jaruzelski to the democratic likes of shipyard sparkie Lech Walesa and his Solidarity union / political party back in the 1980’s, decided they’d had quite enough of President Kaczynski and his naïve political view of fair play all round and ‘Poland First’ doctrine – especially so his negative stance on the proposed Russia to Germany zillion mile-long Gulag Gaz pipeline and claims it constituted a threat to Poland’s energy security.
Hence in Moscow’s view it was time for a spot of radical ‘regime change’.

Now here the Russkies differ from their Western counterparts and simply don’t fuck around like the Yanks, Frogs and Brits when it comes to regime change - petitioning the UN Security Council for piss-ant resolutions as occurred with Gaddafi and Libya and the contrived ‘humanitarian intervention’ excuse – they decided to just snuff the whole caboodle in one overnight covert coup - and staged the fatal Smolensk air crash to cover up the murders. Just let CSI’s Dr Gil Grissom sort that fucker out.

So, the shit hit the fan when the more cognisant members of Poland’s elite started asking what the fuck were 90-odd of the nation’s top brass – politicos and senior civil service bureaucrats – plus the Central Bank bosses, and military chiefs all doing on the same plane? On the very first page of the Risk Aversion for Dummies handbook it states quite clearly that such a scenario should never occur – and in the real world such things don’t happen – apart from in Russian – Polish fairy tales, of course. And here the plot starts to thicken.

Polish military officer Colonel Mikolaj Przybyl was holding a news conference last Monday at his office in potty Poznan at which he railed against government-controlled media and their incessant attacks on military prosecutors and their probe into leaks of an investigation into the contrived plane crash that was staged to appear as the cause of the deaths of Polish President Lech Kaczynski and 95 other VIP passengers and crew of the Polish Air Force Tupolev Tu-154M in 2010.

The pedantic Colonel stated for the public record that his office was determined to get to the bottom of the deaths of the government and military top brass even in the face of President Bronislaw Komorowski’s now-incumbent government objections - and expose this conspiracy claiming they all died in the rigged plane crash when they were assassinated by teams of rogue Polish GPB loose cannons in cahoots with Russian FSB agents the previous night.

After comparing this task to the paired fighting goats butting heads atop the Poznan City Hall tower clock each noon, in a surprise turn Colonel Przybyl requested the journalists vacate his office for a coffee break, then as soon as they were out of the room a shot was heard – and upon rushing back into the office found Przybyl lying on the floor in a pool of blood – which upon closer inspection was discovered to be his own.

One aide, Pte. Pavel Scummsky, related that the Colonel was a known self-harmer and suffering from depression stemming from a paranoid fixated phobia over having no vowels in his surname – apparently a common malady with Cyrillic alphabet users.

Further, the Poznan Plod Squad have put out an appeal to anyone finding the handgun that was used in Colonel Przybyl’s assisted suicide to please hand it in at their Stary Rynek headquarters.

Unconfirmed rumours circulating the Military Prosecutors Club claim that the deceased Colonel Przybyl has, for his efforts, been posthumously awarded a full five Anglicised vowels to add to his surname, which will appear on his gravestone as PAREZIBOYUL

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.