In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Diana Wallis, the power-hungry Librarian-Dummercrat MEP for Yorkshire and the Bumber is currently copping for shedloads of criticism from all quarters of the socio-political spectrum following the bombshell announcement of her resignation from the Brussels-based EUSSR post – and the improbity of her simoniacal ‘let’s keep it in the family’ intention of automatically sliding her husband, Stewie ‘Knobhead’ Arnold, into the vacated position with nary a vote of public confidence nor approval being cast.
Apparently Wallis – described by friends and political associates alike as a person whose ego far surpasses her limited intellect - spit the dummy in true ‘nobody loves me’ tantrum fashion following her failed bid earlier this week to win the presidency of the European Parliament - losing out to the popular German Pancake Tuesday Adventist Party candidate Fellattia van der Gamm.
Former EUSSR minister and Rotherham Labour MP Denis McScrote opined to one press hack from the Simony Gazette "By any standard of nepotism it is unacceptable that as one Lib-Dum MEP flounces out of the European Parliament because she got a huff on with this failed ego trip bid to get her pathetic arse elected to the Presidency of the European Parliament that she is automatically replaced by her own tosspot of a husband.”
“Alas, it always presents a problem when others fail to regard you with the same level of fawning worship as does the vanity mirror – but this ‘his and hers’ seats for lucrative MEP slots makes a mockery of Yorkshire's right to elect an MEP of their own choice – and the ball’s now in the court of the Lib-Dum leader – the incumbent Deputy Prime Minister Mick Clogg - to clear up this shameful mess of nepotistic pottage.”
Speaking in her own defence on Sky One’s ‘Fiddling Twats Hour’ - and denying rumours she had redefined the meaning of Nepotism with a large capital N - Wallis related that her bid for the EUSSR Presidency had been for reasons she deeply believed in – specifically the opportunity for self-aggrandisement and ego-massaging – plus the chance to feather her own retirement nest – but now her nose had been pushed out of joint she was stepping down to seek treatment for her chronic halitosis which she personally blamed for rejection in the Presidential post bid.
Dinsdale Spatchcock, the UK Independence Party MEP for Yorkshire and the Bumber, interviewed by the Daily Shitraker, stated that “Wallis is yet another example of menopausal maniacs in a position of political power – just like Angela Merkel. The very concept of her useless husband taking over her MEP seat is a working definition of nepotism – and further, the whole arrangement stinks of graft and corruption.”
“It’s bad enough she employs hubby - who’s a right bellend to start with - as a Parliamentary Assistant – yet another cushy ‘jobs for the boys’ position as her official gopher - running errands, going to the chippy and put the lotto on – and all paid for out of the public purse. Stewie was a former pothole inspector with the Bumber Council Highways Department until he was forced to resign and seek treatment due his self-destructive addiction to asphalt patch sniffing - and now Diana claims he can assume her seat in the European Parliament via succession by cognation or hereditary right. That’s a dodgy equation we don’t need – representation by a bloke that mainlines on Tarmac. Really, something definitely stinks in Denmark, and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.”
“So, we’re left to speculate on what the egocentric bitch’s next move will be – take a page out of the Roman Catholic Church’s moral turpitude handbook and get into the simony market – and start flogging off benefices and indulgences on Amazon and e-Bay?”
Thought for the day. Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s indexed lexicon of 750,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Diana Wallis - however it has been unanimously agreed by a conclave of Lib-Dum Party members and MEPs that the word CUNT comes pretty close.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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