Dutch Monarch Branded ‘Burka Bitch’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands today publicly dismissed as ‘a right old pile of bullshit’ the burgeoning domestic political row concerning her wearing a burka-style dress and a headscarf while on a trip to the Persian Gulf states this past week.

The Monarch was reacting to a stream of stupid questions in Parliament tabled by Geert Wilderbeest's Totally Bonkers Islamophobia Party which claimed that by donning traditional Islamic garb she was legitimising the oppression of Muslim women and kowtowing to the barbaric precepts of draconic Sharia law.

Beatrix first wore the controversial gown and head covering during a visit to Abu Dhabi where she enjoyed a tour of the Emirate’s oil-slicked and sewage-ridden beaches before spending the afternoon at a petting zoo, stroking dwarf camels and goats trained to blow raspberries.

The Queen fronted up in the same outfit again on Thursday during a stop-over in Oman to deliver several bulging buff envelopes stuffed with ‘baksheesh’ on behalf of the Netherlands’ arms manufacturer Artillerie Inrichtingen – which prompted snide foreign news correspondents to comment she resembled a sack of shit tied in the middle as she dispensed her largess of ‘facilitation fees (aka ‘bribes’) to a salivating queue of corrupt government and military officials.

Designed especially for the trip by Bev Titwank, founder of Paris’s prestigious Troll-Wear fashion house, so the Queen might dress according to the region’s Arabic cultural mores and out of respect for Islamic tradition, the ‘Mourning Black’ gown and ‘Whorehouse Red’ headscarf were - juxtaposed to the biased opinions of news hacks - an instant hit with subjugated women throughout the Gulf states who were quick to Twitter or post Facebook comments of slavish adoration.

During her visit to the Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer Grand Mosque in the Omani capital of Muscat, Beatrix wore the Aphrodisian red scarf over her hat while Latina daughter-in-law Princess Maxima followed local custom and shoved a brown paper bag over her head – with both women later treated to a tour of the local souk where they received rounds of cat-calls from the moronic masses of unwashed fellaheen of “Yankee Go Home!” and “Let’s see yer tits, Maxi babes” – the latter directed at the blonde bombshell Argentinean princess.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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