Friday, 30 November 2012

Knobhead Politico Plans Greenfields Devastation

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to planning minister Nick Boles, the Tory MP for Maggie Thatcher’s old stamping ground (grotty Grantham), increasing the amount of developed land by 33% would (in his unqualified opinion) solve the housing shortage – ‘if’ the government can find a string of building firms with fuck all better to do – and a suicidal bent regarding corporate cash flow and annual profits / dividends - that’s willing to stick their necks out and construct low cost ‘affordable’ houses for first time buyers in need of 100% mortgages.

‘Affordable’ – what is it about the negative soundbite quality of that word which rings in the ears and sends a message to the bean counting centre of the brain that anything tagged with such a label most definitely isn’t ‘affordable’ – but a commodity aimed at embroiling some hapless couple with 1.5 kids in a lifetime of debt servitude to the money-grubbing usurious Rothshite bankster crime syndicate.

As we seem to have already built over the countryside’s historic floodplains - evidenced by anyone living within a mile of a river this past week having to sit watching the telly in a pair of waders thanks to all the rainfall putting a timely end to the hosepipe ban – Boles has come up with a moronic scheme that building on a mere 3% of the sacred and hallowed greenbelt of our once-sceptred isle - bringing the total to in excess of 12% - will solve the housing problem.

In Boles own words: "People have a God-given right to a home with a little bit of private space to swing a cat around in and bring up their family.” (Yeah right - commonly known in Lancashire and other ‘grim up North’ working class ghettoes as a ‘back yard’).

Now why the fuck Posh Dave Scameron or Local Communities Minister Eric ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Pickles have put this tosser in charge of planning anything, and bestowed him with a free licence to run around earmarking our national green spaces and woodlands for decimation is anyone’s guess - but the decision has all the makings of becoming a total clusterfuck of Biblical proportions as the only thing he’s ever planned since being in office was getting his live-in Israeli boyfriend a ‘fiancĂ©e’ visa via the ‘backdoor’ (sic – no pun intended).

Canny Brits of the senior citizen variety might remember Boles with distaste – not so much for the fact he’s a self-outed cock-sucking sodomite who attended the 2012 Bilderberg meeting but that he made a brownie points / get noticed speech at the Resolution Foundation Think Tank in June to float a call for the end to annual Winter Fuel Payments, free prescriptions, free bus travel and free TV licences for pensioners – but for putting forward a motion to scrap the kid’s Sure Start educational scheme as it costs too much (perhaps on a par with MP’s lifestyles).

Yet like so many of our self-seeking political scumbags, Boles live in a world detached from reality, an insular existence that centres around his personal hedonistic requirements – and has the brass necked audacity to claim for Hebrew language lessons on his taxpayer-funded Parliamentary expenses so he can communicate with his poofter Israeli boyfriend when they hold hands across the breakfast table – which he justified with arrogance personified quote: “It’s something I’m entitled to do and have done it and that’s that.”

Boles was made planning minister by PM Scameron in the ‘Titanic deckchairs’ September cabinet reshuffle and is a well-known proponent of liberalising planning regulations in Britain – by bulldozing the New Forest and turning it into a mega-sized sink or swim social housing estate – and describes opponents to his planning reforms as a bunch of scaremongering Luddites.

On the greenbelt build scam, Boles claims current housing is best described as, quote: ‘ugly rubbish’ and believes new estates don’t have to be like Coronation Street or something out of Shameless or Bell Enders – but rather building beautiful homes is the key to winning the hearts and minds of local communities currently opposed to having their woodlands chopped down to make room for ‘affordable’ cheap build dwellings for the waves of eastern European pikeys coming to the UK to look for non-existent jobs – and claim welfare benefits.

Getting carried away with his own pontificating verbosity, Boles opined to one press hack from Sleeping Rough magazine that “Owning a house with a nice conservatory, patio, barbeque and hot tub in the garden is a basic moral right – just the same as having a gay Israeli boyfriend, Sky Sports TV, an Xbox 360, a smart phone – and a House of Conmans expense account.”

So, in Boles’ scheme of things our national forests have got to go, eh – along with all the wide-open green fields. Bye-bye agriculture and crop circles – it’s all going to be Monsanto style genetically-modified industrial-farming Frankenfoods from here on – if the bonkers Boles gets his way.
And this prompts one to inquire – where the fuck is this twat living with his Promised Land partner – in some terraced ghetto sink or swim council social housing estate – or high on the hog?

But let’s pay this Boles cretin no heed as it isn’t going to happen. These are the same Tory pricks who were determined to flog off our beloved arbours to the Sahara Forest Trading Company and Pikey Pete’s Firewood Emporium under the flawed aegis of the ginger mingin Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman, she of the Desperate Dan chin, which saw her already lagging popularity rating drop below that of Jimmy Savile’s – and now she’s gone.

But if we’ve run out of brownfield sites and it’s open green spaces needed for housing, then we can think of several large mega-bucks membership golf courses ideally suited for conversion into social housing estates – specifically Donald Trump’s all-new Eeny-Menie links just north of Scotland’s kiddie fiddling capital of Scaberdeen.

Then we have all the taxpayer-funded royal parks and gardens hogged by our blue-blooded elitist parasites - along with thousands of acres of grouse moor and a fair selection of horse racing courses – with Ascot topping the bill for a few hundred rows of terraced slums – and all the streets named after Royal Ascot winners: Queen Anne Stakes Hamlets. Nice ring to it.

Next on the auction block - Posh Dave Scameron’s official Slime Minister’s residence of Chequers – now that comprises some 1,500 acres running up to the Chiltern Hills – all ready to be sub-divided into lots for blocks of flats with a nice view over the Buckinghamshire countryside – and an all-new triple-lane bypass connecting it to the M40.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, makes one wonder if the homeless legions of our sick society are better off staying cheap with a healthy al fresco lifestyle via Landfill Leasing – no council tax – or taking the wheelie bin out every Monday morning.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Quinn said...

Boles is a class act gobshite who by all accounts will be out at the next election. WTF is wrong with Grantham - are they all fuckwits?
This guy is a walking dildo who doesn't realise it's bad enough being thought a tosspot without opening your mouth and confirmeing the fact.
What we need for the likes of Boles is an aerosol can of Fag-Gone - the latest insta-remedy for raving poofters and fudge merchants.