UK’s Barmy Compo Culture Bankrupts BBC

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In relation to the scandalous criminal revelations regarding ‘Jim’ll Fuck It’ Savile and the Plod Squad’s Operation Deadwood investigation into who the celebrity scumbag DJ didn’t grope at some time or the other – (now expanded to include a host of care homes, sheep farms, mortuaries and graveyards around our once-sceptred isle) - Swiss-Irish breakfast cereal tycoon Sir Alfie McAlpen has spit the proverbial dummy and launched a barrage of attorneys armed with sub-nuclear writs to smote any and all who would even dare verbally speculate – let alone allege - he was a habitual visitor to the Bryn Estyn home in North Wales where he seconded juvenile inmates as his personal ‘bacha bazi’ catamite sex slaves for weekends of blissful buggery in some seedy Wrexham hotel.

For fuck’s sake, is there no-one on the Beeb’s Newshite research / editorial teams that’s ever read a map with ‘Here there be dragons!’ scribed across stretches of unknown terrain or ocean?

The first to fall on their own swords as McAlpen’s 69th Litigation Fusiliers Battalion got to work issuing writs for slander and libel, was the BBC itself who for some utterly misguided (fucked up) reason have consented to ‘assume the position’ and apologise on bended knees – and fork out a compo’ payment of £185,000 quid of TV license fee funds (plus £100,000 in legal fees) for ‘not’ naming him on the recent Newshite kiddie fiddling expose programme – but rather shouldering liability for the fact that the House of Conmans’ Speaker’s slag of a missus, Sally ‘Gobshite’ Bercow, posted a ‘McAlpen’s a paedo’ innuendo comment on the Twatter network – along with legions of other backbiting fishwife gossips.

The release of this news has motivated thousands of canny scrounging twats in need of the odd six-figure compo payout to climb on the bandwagon claiming that while they visited Jimmy Savile’s dressing room for a quick grope at some underage groupie ‘and’ their names are in the Sex Offenders Register they too were never given a single mention during the Newshite programme and hold presenters Jeremy Paxo and Kirsty Wank personally responsible for the oversight.
BBC spokeswoman Candida Mingerot informed media hacks that they were snowed under with legal writs and the demands for compensation amounts equalling McAlpen’s – plus legal expenses – which would bankrupt the corporation - unless the license fee was hiked to £500 quid per annum.

Not only is the Beeb in danger of going under due compo’ demands but also the UK’s major banks, being hit with claims by ambulance-chasing law firms for customers who were miss-sold PPI on loans.

Radio Ripoffs has been running a national advertising campaign for Shyster Law Inc who guarantee to reclaim client’s PPI payments in total on a ‘no win – no fee’ basis – which regardless of the erring banks setting aside zillions of £££ to repay the miss-sold claims – they are further hit with the costs of hiring a legion of extra staff just to process these dodgy PPI repayments.

Fellattia McSkanger, spokeswoman for the Royal Bank of Scumland, explained to one press hack from the Insolvency Gazette that “It’s a fucking nightmare – the paperwork we’re wading through is knee deep – so to keep the Financial Ombudsman Service and a feeding frenzy media off our backs it’s been a matter of picking up a claim and writing out a cheque for whatever figure was stated – which has resulted in a major snafu as every shyster and their dog have got in on the act thanks to the Ripoff Radio ad’ and been submitting imaginary claims.”

“Just listen to the radio ad’ – it runs every half hour and they’ve even got the hard-faced cheek to announce that a certain Mrs Duffy of Smegmadale-on-Sea claimed back £35,000 quid in a rapid turn-around three weeks – and she’d never even had a bank loan in the first place.”

Were you a 1960’s groupie who was groped by Jimbo Savile and just too shy or embarassed to admit it? Did you ever enjoy board and lodgings at the Bryn Estyn Catamite Centre in North Wales? Ever stay in any Wrexham hotels and get buggered by Tory Party cabinet members? Is your name on the Sex Offenders Register? Were you shocked to learn that the BBC’s Newshite programme never named you in their kiddie fiddling expose?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could qualify for a whopping mega-bucks payout to change your story and keep schtum – just like Steve Messham.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so HMRC know where to send the capital gains tax bill.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, we shudder to speculate how much McAlpen would have demanded in compo’ off the Beeb if they ‘had’ named him on the Newshite programme.
On a closing point, it’s odd that old McAlpen never sued any fucker for the very same kiddie fiddling accusation libels published back in the 1990’s by David Icke and Scallywag magazine.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.