Sunday, 18 November 2012

UK’s Barmy Compo Culture Bankrupts BBC

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In relation to the scandalous criminal revelations regarding ‘Jim’ll Fuck It’ Savile and the Plod Squad’s Operation Deadwood investigation into who the celebrity scumbag DJ didn’t grope at some time or the other – (now expanded to include a host of care homes, sheep farms, mortuaries and graveyards around our once-sceptred isle) - Swiss-Irish breakfast cereal tycoon Sir Alfie McAlpen has spit the proverbial dummy and launched a barrage of attorneys armed with sub-nuclear writs to smote any and all who would even dare verbally speculate – let alone allege - he was a habitual visitor to the Bryn Estyn home in North Wales where he seconded juvenile inmates as his personal ‘bacha bazi’ catamite sex slaves for weekends of blissful buggery in some seedy Wrexham hotel.

For fuck’s sake, is there no-one on the Beeb’s Newshite research / editorial teams that’s ever read a map with ‘Here there be dragons!’ scribed across stretches of unknown terrain or ocean?

The first to fall on their own swords as McAlpen’s 69th Litigation Fusiliers Battalion got to work issuing writs for slander and libel, was the BBC itself who for some utterly misguided (fucked up) reason have consented to ‘assume the position’ and apologise on bended knees – and fork out a compo’ payment of £185,000 quid of TV license fee funds (plus £100,000 in legal fees) for ‘not’ naming him on the recent Newshite kiddie fiddling expose programme – but rather shouldering liability for the fact that the House of Conmans’ Speaker’s slag of a missus, Sally ‘Gobshite’ Bercow, posted a ‘McAlpen’s a paedo’ innuendo comment on the Twatter network – along with legions of other backbiting fishwife gossips.

The release of this news has motivated thousands of canny scrounging twats in need of the odd six-figure compo payout to climb on the bandwagon claiming that while they visited Jimmy Savile’s dressing room for a quick grope at some underage groupie ‘and’ their names are in the Sex Offenders Register they too were never given a single mention during the Newshite programme and hold presenters Jeremy Paxo and Kirsty Wank personally responsible for the oversight.
BBC spokeswoman Candida Mingerot informed media hacks that they were snowed under with legal writs and the demands for compensation amounts equalling McAlpen’s – plus legal expenses – which would bankrupt the corporation - unless the license fee was hiked to £500 quid per annum.

Not only is the Beeb in danger of going under due compo’ demands but also the UK’s major banks, being hit with claims by ambulance-chasing law firms for customers who were miss-sold PPI on loans.

Radio Ripoffs has been running a national advertising campaign for Shyster Law Inc who guarantee to reclaim client’s PPI payments in total on a ‘no win – no fee’ basis – which regardless of the erring banks setting aside zillions of £££ to repay the miss-sold claims – they are further hit with the costs of hiring a legion of extra staff just to process these dodgy PPI repayments.

Fellattia McSkanger, spokeswoman for the Royal Bank of Scumland, explained to one press hack from the Insolvency Gazette that “It’s a fucking nightmare – the paperwork we’re wading through is knee deep – so to keep the Financial Ombudsman Service and a feeding frenzy media off our backs it’s been a matter of picking up a claim and writing out a cheque for whatever figure was stated – which has resulted in a major snafu as every shyster and their dog have got in on the act thanks to the Ripoff Radio ad’ and been submitting imaginary claims.”

“Just listen to the radio ad’ – it runs every half hour and they’ve even got the hard-faced cheek to announce that a certain Mrs Duffy of Smegmadale-on-Sea claimed back £35,000 quid in a rapid turn-around three weeks – and she’d never even had a bank loan in the first place.”

Were you a 1960’s groupie who was groped by Jimbo Savile and just too shy or embarassed to admit it? Did you ever enjoy board and lodgings at the Bryn Estyn Catamite Centre in North Wales? Ever stay in any Wrexham hotels and get buggered by Tory Party cabinet members? Is your name on the Sex Offenders Register? Were you shocked to learn that the BBC’s Newshite programme never named you in their kiddie fiddling expose?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could qualify for a whopping mega-bucks payout to change your story and keep schtum – just like Steve Messham.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so HMRC know where to send the capital gains tax bill.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, we shudder to speculate how much McAlpen would have demanded in compo’ off the Beeb if they ‘had’ named him on the Newshite programme.
On a closing point, it’s odd that old McAlpen never sued any fucker for the very same kiddie fiddling accusation libels published back in the 1990’s by David Icke and Scallywag magazine.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Quinn said...

That's a bowser, Rusty.
Breakfast cereal tycoon McAlpen - like it.
Doubtless your writ for libel will be in the post.

Anonymous said...

The PPI advert is one of Smooth radio's annoying jingles - and it does have a Mrs Duffy bit too - so we know what Rusty listens to while he's composing these satires.

Achmed the Anarchist said...

The Beeb's a Masonic establishment stooge.
What a see-through amateur spin scam. Messham's made a mistake (threatened or bought off more like)so the entire Newsnight broadcast was faulty. Not only is McAlpine sanitised as a suspec paedo but so is every other twat.
Well, in light of that mistake the BBC board are not going to authorise any more investigative reports into our pederast-ridden government and elitist ssociety ranks now are they.
Well done BBC, another burgeoning scandal averted - now all the kiddie fiddlers can sleep soundly again.
It was all that Jimmy Savile's fault - only him to blame.

Fletch said...

Yeah, that does my head in - why the fuck are the BBC paying out anything to this scumbag if they didn't mention his name. Not their fault if rumour and speculation run rife on Twitter and Facebook.

MacDuff of Stonehaven said...

What we up here in Grampian want to see is the Savile inquiry, this Operation Yewtree - expanded to investigate and expose the corrupt Aberdeen police who still refuse to investigate Roy Greig's murder or the sexual abuse of his niece Hollie Greig - because those paedophile bastards responsible are ranking establishment figures in the police and judiciary and government.
If the sod was turned then the connections with Savile and Glencoe to a crop of our child molesting Aberdeen worthies would be exposed to the light of day - and hopefully justice at long last.
Lot of Crown Office names waiting to be added to the Sex Offenders Register- and their political protectors prosecuted for perverting the course of justice.

Anonymous said...

The Beeb's a bunch of tossers, so believe nowt they say.

Angus the Mole said...

Sod the BBC's smoke and mirrors distraction tactics - let's focus on the fact that abberant sexual tastes - such as sodomy and paedophilia are endemic right across the swathe of our society - and especially in the ranks of the nobility and Masonic Brotherhood and the elitist corridors of power - legislative, executive and judiciary - including our graft and corruption-ridden police forces throughout the UK - with a keen focus on Scotland's cop crews.
How many names were on the Operation Ore list? 7,250 - and with Labour PM Tony Blair's personal parliamentary aide Philip Lyon on the list - and arrested and prosecuted before he could slap a gagging order on media coverage.

Icke-onoclast said...

'Spread false defeat to gain public sympathy; or false accusation and then arrange for it to be exposed as such – so the accuser (Steve Messham) will forever be treated with suspicion.'

From McAlpine's book, The New Machiavelli: The Art of Politics in Business

Anonymous said...

Lying and kiddie fiddling runs in the family. Only ever been to Wrexham once - bullshit.
How about Alfred ‘Jimmie’ McAlpine (1908-1991) who lived at Gerwyn Hall, Marchwiel, Wrexham.
Huge estate - where Bryn Estyn kids used to be taken for 'gardening duties'.
Jimmie McA' was a keen golfer -and used to frequent the Wrexham links with his cousin - and a pair of 12-year old caddies in tow.

Lester from Chester said...

So what's McAlpen gonna spend all this slander / libel compo on - a bigger B & B - or start a 'No Child Left Behind' charity?
Anyone gets a nasty letter off his ambulance-chasing pondscum lawyers should reply with the classic Arkell vs Pressdram response of 'Fuck Off!'
The number of potential defendants facing libel action stands at 10,000 – (1,000 tweets n 9,000 re-tweets so far) - the largest in UK legal history.
Now that is gonna jam up Broken Britain's court system nicely.