Monday, 12 November 2012

UKBA Fubar: Illegal Immigrants Welcome

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Immigration Minister Mark Harper, the incumbent Tory MP for Deadwood, has announced, much to the consternation of critics and shouts of derision from the New Labour Party’s House of Conmans opposition benches, that the not-fit-for-purpose UK Border Agency has all but thrown its hands in the air and given up on attempts to clear a massive backlog of the 302,064 overstaying and delinquent immigrant cases they have on record – and in what is viewed as an open invitation to attract even more illegals - claims the only answer is to declare an amnesty for immigrants with no right to be in the UK and put the pre-ordained clusterfuck of a mess down to experience.

Parliament’s Hinduja Affairs Committee chairman Keith ‘Watch Yer Pockets’ Vaz, himself a perfect example of the overstaying immigrant dilemma, made a pathetic attempt at raising a laugh by stating the backlog almost tallied with the population of Iceland (320,000) and was spiralling out of control at such a rate that the UK would be overrun with sponging Third World darkie types, Polak carp poachers, Albanian swan roasters, unemployed Somali pirates, and Ukrainian Mafia pimps trafficking sex slaves – along with a veritable legion of unwashed pikey and gyppo types all on the cadge once the news got out.

Some 174,000 of the ‘illegals’ cases are in the ‘migration refusal pool’ – comprised of foreigners who have no visa nor permission to be in Britain, but UKBA officials are clueless whether they’ve left or gone AWOL and underground – or been accepted lawfully via submitting a separate application.

This disreputable ‘pool’ was only discovered earlier this year by the chief inspector of immigration John Vine, who described the system (sic) as being a sneaky method of camouflaging the backlog and more fucked up than a soup sandwich – a factor compounded by the Libservative Coalition’s ‘too far and too fast’ austerity measures programme that has slashed agency staff down from 5,300 to a mere 149.

As of August 2012 a further 95,000 cases were in what the UKBA refers to calls as ‘controlled archives’ – an evasive euphemism for the piles of unresolved applications awaiting their turn for a trip through the office shredder - made by individuals whom agency officials no longer have a fucking clue as to their whereabouts.

Speaking to a gutter press hack from the red top Xenophobes Gazette in his defence and to mitigate accusations from political critics and civil action groups that he’s a total dog wanker, Minister Harper stated, somewhat moronically, for the public record that if the delinquent immigrants were all Muslims with one eye and hooks for hands then the problem would be easy to resolve - by sticking them on the CIA’s regular extraordinary rendition flights and fuck them off to Guantanamo Bay for the Department of Homeland Security to deal with.

Illegals besides, the latest gossip from the Home Office reveals that as of 2013 legions of vulgar Bulgars and Romanian gyppos will – thanks to fascist EUSSR laws - gain the unrestricted right to live and work in the UK (and claim lots and lots of welfare benefits) - escaping the ex-Soviet bloc drudgery of their Third World shitholes when the temporary curbs imposed in 2005 to protect the British labour market expires.

Thought for the day. Ah well, PM Posh Dave Scameron wanted a multi-cultural Big Society – now he’s got one – comprised of delinquent illegal immigrants – most of whom are prepared to graft their bollocks off for shit wages – so his job might be in jeopardy as there’s someone bound to be willing to fill the Downing Street slot and work for a mite less than £142,000 per annum – plus expenses – and a car and a couple of roofs over their head.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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