Monday, 5 November 2012

MP’s Expense Fiddle Funds Anti-Semitism

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former New Labour minister Denis ‘Bully Boy’ MacShane, (birth name Denis Matyjaszek) who was suspended from the House of Conmans for 12 months last week following a Parliamentary committee investigation found him guilty of submitting false invoices plainly intended to deceive the expenses authority - then summarily kicked out of the Labour Party by the National Executive Council – has since done the next best thing to committing ritual seppuku and resigned as an MP for his star-crossed Rotherham constituency.

The committee's report described Gorbals Denis’s concocted expense claims as "far from what is acceptable in any walk of life, even amongst thieves" - and "fell far below the standards of integrity, probity and moral rectitude expected of MPs by the gullible voting public” – concluding with “this amounts to repeated instances of contrived embezzlement and goes miles beyond floating duck islands and moat dredging, or ripping the public purse off for £125,000 quid to maintain a Maidstone flat like the Upper House kleptomaniac Baroness Udders - and will be referred to Mr Plod at Scotland Yard”.

In yet another instance of the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption and Complacency that infests Broken Britain’s political system, between 2004 and 2008, MacShane submitted 19 invoices totalling £12,900 for research and translation work carried out by the dodgy European Policy Institute.

However the Parliamentary Commissioner for Bog Standards, Sir Angus Spatchcock, found the claims also covered travel, subsistence, the payment of hospitality girls and the purchase of lewd, porno’ magazines, plus other aids to masturbation and represented ’guesstimates’ of what the erring MP claimed to have spent rather than actual receipted items.
Spatchcock’s team also found that the European Policy Institute, in the way it was presented on the invoice – with a board of directors, a general manager, secretaries and affiliated paper-shuffling trolls – including an office cat - was a conjured entity with no office, nor salaried staff, and most condemningly, with a bank account personally controlled by MacShane – which added up to a blatant money-spinning, non-existent entity fiddle.

Sir Angus explained to a press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette "In effect MacShane was sending invoices to himself and paying them from the European Policy Institute bank account which he controlled, hence bypassing the not-fit-for-purpose House of Conmans checks and controls system, which enabled him to fritter away public money on all manner of lavish entertainments and personal gewgaws.”

In one instance the commissioner found MacShane had given away a publicly-funded laptop to an obliging ‘suck n swallow’ masseuse at his Brussels hotel, then purchased a new unit the following day – and claimed for the same computer twice on expenses with a European Policy Institute invoice – and when questioned by Commissioner Spatchock’s department simply replied “So what’s wrong with that?”

Unfortunately the Met’s Plod Squad dropped its initial investigation into MacShane’s criminal embezzlement activities in July 2012, for although the case met the criteria of the Full Code Test, after receiving advice from the Crown Prosecution Service that regardless of the contradictions, lies, and inconsistencies in his expenses invoice documentation, under the provisions of House of Conmans ‘Cover Your Arse’ rules any prosecution could not rely on incriminating correspondence exchanged between MacShane and the Parliamentary Commissioner for Bog Standards as such was protected by parliamentary privilege - which is essential for parliament to function effectively.

Hence zero accountability applies due the misapprehension that crimes by members of Broken Britain’s ruling elite must be swept under the rug as prosecuting them would expose the extent and depth that graft and corruption permeates Westminster and Whitehall and might destabilise the political system.

Known to friends and political associates alike as a light-fingered twat who suffers from Cognitive Impairment Syndrome where matters of the truth are concerned, MacShane is allegedly the type of person who inspires people to count their fingers if they’ve been unfortunate enough to shake hands with him – and a bloke you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise.

Alike the majority of his fellow New Labour Party apparatchiks, MacShane is possessed with a delusional sense of self-righteousness and a typical example of this privileged Parliamentary elitist fraternity, stricken with an absurd sense of entitlement, who gain election to public office via manipulating the illusion of credibility and competence – and once in power are the type of shits that will do anything to keep it.

Now stricken with severe credibility issues, in his defence for embezzling public funds, MacShane, a Policy Council member of New Labour’s Friends of Israel Club, informed a media hack from the Shifty Shylocks Review that Nasty Nick Griffin’s British National Party had run a three-year campaign to destroy his political career due his support for the rogue apartheid Zionist state and combating the causes of anti-Semitism and Holohoax denial on behalf of the Rothshite crime syndicate and Jerusalem’s Edomite Mafia.

Well, even for a pro-Zionist ‘Israel First’ Member of Parliament, which seems to be a prerequisite for the job in this age of New World Order encroachment, fiddling public funds to forward the cause of anti-Semitism might suffice as a Statement of Position, but not as a credible explanation for criminal activity – outside of the US of A and Israel anyway.

But MacShane’s no stranger to ripping off the public purse as during the expenses scandal of 2009 the fickle finger of fate was pointed directly at him for claiming £125,000 quid over a period of 7 years for his garage – which he stated was used as an office.

Notorious not only for his ‘creative accounting’ malpractices with public funds and back in 2001 concocting the scandalous ‘Five Myths Muslims Must Deny’ black propaganda story to justify the illegal invasion of Afghanistan - but fiddling all manner of figures to suit his own nefarious political purposes - MacShane has been accused of repeatedly using false statistics in order to inflate the number of Pikey and Gyppo sex slaves smuggled into Broken Britain to work in the Eastern European Mafia’s illegal chains of happy ending rub n tug massage parlours and bordellos – stating for the Hansard record that 25,000 female victims of sex trafficking were imported each year to replace the older, worn-out models that were retired / euthanized to the whore-heap.

Thought for the day. Yet another money-grubbing and superbly arrogant abuser of the public’s trust obtains a ‘pecuniary advantage by deception’ (embezzlement = robbery without a gun) and gets off with a slap on the wrist.
Again the Latin saw of ‘impunitas sempre ad deteriora invitat’ applies: impunity always leads to greater crimes.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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