EUSSR Budget: UK Says ‘Deal or No Deal’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron suffered a well-deserved House of Conmans defeat on Wednesday night over Europe (307 votes to 294) as Eurosceptic rebel Tory backbenchers got a cob on and told him to deliver real reductions in Brussels proposed 2014 - 2020 EUSSR budget – or else they were defecting to UKIP.

The drubbing came after more than 50 Conservative heretics spit the dummy and turned Bolshie, joining a cabal of aggro-bent New Labour MPs in supporting a demand for real-terms reductions in spending, to rise in line with inflation, by Brussels wastrel bureaucracy.

However, in a bid to save the day and do his bit to earn a royal honour – perhaps a coveted knighthood - Noel Edmonds and his anonymous Banker buddy (reputed to be related to Top Gear’s Stig) have volunteered to stand alongside Posh Dave when he confronts the EUSSR’s money-grubbing kleptocrats in Brussels later in November to negotiate Broken Britain’s ‘Deal or No Deal’ stance on freezing the graft and corruption-ridden community’s 2014-2020 budget.

While New Labour’s child prodigy ‘wunderkind’ leader Ed Sillyband went into selective memory mode regarding Gordon Broon’s spendthrift habits at doling out taxpayer’s funds to the EUSSR every time the Brussels gang shouted “More!” and hypocritically voted against Scameron - Tory critics argued that while Broken Britain’s common herd were having domestic austerity forced down their throats at every turn then EUSSR membership spending should also be cut – and save UK taxpayers a few billion quid - £9.2 billion a year - as opposed to the 2014 forecast £13.6 billion per annum mandated by Brussels in-house Wilkins Micawber Institute for Creative Accounting.

The ill-fated vote was Scameron’s second major House of Conmans defeat over Europe and might be a factor interpreted by canny political analysts that continued membership of the fatally-flawed 27 nation EUSSR community is as popular with British voters as some pikey fly-by-night contractor with acne and galloping halitosis banging on the door, trying to flog you a half a truckload of asphalt to resurface your drive.

Scameron’s immediate response to the slap in the face vote from his own party back benchers was to reach over and spitefully poke Defence Minister Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond in the eye with a sharp pencil in a typical display of public schoolboy chagrin over not getting his own way – then spending the next half hour on the front bench biting his fingernails to the quick and sobbing into Theresa May’s proffered hankie before passing a scribbled ‘get the word out’ note to Georgie ‘First Class’ Osborne promising to veto any significant rise in EUSSR spending at the forthcoming budget negotiations summit.

In response to heckling from the Opposition bench’s child prodigy leader Ed Millipede, Posh Dave branded New Labour as a bunch of dog wankers, guilty of rank opportunism after they unanimously backed the Tory rebel contingent in the key EUSSR budget vote.

Then a cat-calling shit-fight kicked off big time with the juvenile delinquent Millipede – (another frog who harbours dreams of becoming a toad) - stating for the Hansard record that PM Scameron was a later edition of his tosspot predecessor, John ‘Norma wears the trousers’ Major - a political eunuch given to sycophantic kowtowing and policy of subservience to any and all crap that Brussels throws at Westminster.

The ironic paradox here was encapsulated perfectly in the fact they referred to each other as morons and politically inept buffoons – and in the opinion of the many, their descriptions are, to all intents and purposes, consummately accurate to the Nth degree.

In a futile attempt to prove his dedication to the British political system and belay the fact he’s a Brussels flunkey, after speaking at Prime Minister's Questions, Scameron knelt before three bishops and a High Court Judge and swore on the body of a dead heron he would veto any deal on the EUSSR's financial plans if they weren’t in Britain’s best interests.

“Really, I don’t care - even if Baron Rothshite gets on the phone and shouts at me in Yiddish - or sends one of the family crime syndicate’s ‘soldato’ enforcers round to give me a ‘deadleg’ or a Chinese burn as a reminder of my oath of compliance to the New World Order, I promise to hang out for a budget freeze or veto any mind-boggling increase the Brussels hierarchy demand simply to fund their hedonistic official lifestyles and the Mercedes limo’ culture.”

Thought for the day. Ha! The Tory back benchers and New Labour are complaining about spendthrift fiscal waste by the EUSSR’s Brussels hierarchy – how about the ‘round robin’ £10,000 quid recently squandered by Willy Vague’s Foreign Office on having a 20 foot Anaconda hanging in the FO’s Ansel Library sent for a CT scan, then re-stuffed and polished?

Regardless, fuck Brussels and the EUSSR fascist state and the euro – and Federation - and the Zionist New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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