Sunday, 4 November 2012

Local Council Jobsworths Strike Again

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

An 82-year old pensioner and grandmother of four, Mrs Edith Pustule, 82, received an imperial Chinese Bung Dynasty style ‘Read This, Tremble and Obey’ diktat from her local council threatening she faced severe penalties, including a £50,000 fine and 12-month jail term, for her painstaking efforts to sweep up fallen leaves from outside her assisted living bungalow in the village of Pikey’s Crotch in Smegmadale.

When the grandmother of four questioned the letter, she was gob-smacked to be informed that the council’s Community Enforcement snitches, on secondment from the Renta-Moron Security Agency, had lain in wait, patiently polishing their shiny buttons and badges, and covertly photographed her sweeping leaves off her lawn and driveway out onto the pavement, where she piled them against the lime tree from which they’d fallen – a most heinous act they labelled as fly-tipping.

Mrs Pustule, who now lives alone since her husband Wilf was savaged to death three years ago by a feral hedgehog he myopically mistook for a football and gave a most inopportune kick, spoke of her ordeal to a press hack from the Totalitarians Gazette, and described the council officials involved as a bunch of ‘tossers’ and power mad petty bureaucrats.

“They sends this dog wanker round from the Town Hall, a right little effin’ Hitler, wot sez ‘yer can’t pile yer leaves up against the tree cos it’s fly-tippin’ so we’ll supply yer wiv another green wheelie bin fer £35 nicker’ – then tries ter intimidate me by sayin’ ‘if yer woz in Saudi Arabia or any of them Third World shitholes, then yer would get fifty lashes an’ yer right hand chopped off fer fly-tippin’.”

“So I tears right inter the twat an’ tells him I’m sweepin’ the leaves up against the tree cos that’s where they’ve come from – an’ landed in my effin’ garden – wot’s trespassin’ an’ the effin’ council need ter sort their effin’ trees out cos it’s them wot’s at fault an’ not me.”

“Fer Christ’s sake, I thought this woz wot World War Two woz all about – stampin’ out fascist scumbags an’ their stupid not-fit-fer-purpose regulations - an’ wot makes it even worse ter my mind is the fact these dumb fuckers are gettin’ big salaries an’ a pension out of council tax payer’s funds fer wastin’ time an’ comin’ round harrassin’ pensioners wot’s got dodgy tickers.”

“So I’ve gotta stop sweepin’ the leaves back under the effin’ tree where they come from – or else I’m in deep shit an’ gonna get me front door kicked in by the Plod Squad in a dawn raid an’ chucked in the slammer.”

“I told that arsehole of an Environment Inspection Officer twat ter stick his £35 quid green wheelie bin up his jacksy as I’ll shove the leaves inter black rubbish bags an’ cart them down the landfill site in the trolley I nicked outa Pestco’s Greedy Grocer car park.”

Speaking to the media, Alderman Ron Pillock stated for the public record that “On behalf of Smegmadale Council I would like to apologise if the letter sent to Granny Pustule caused any concern – however the rules are there for a reason and must be observed and obeyed by all age groups,” - then moronically defended his actions by insisting the offensive letter was addressed to “The Householder”, not Mrs Pustule herself.

Thought for the day: Local authority jobsworths - doncha just love ‘em – targeting the vulnerable members of our sick society that’s so badly in need of a DynaRod style colonic cleansing – a bit like the French did with their over-privileged elitist fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement following the storming of the Bastille in 1789.
But that’s bureaucrats and the Peter Principle at work – and as Will Rogers once stated on the subject of common sense: “It ain’t too common”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


1 comment:

Quinn said...

Council jobsworths are a blight on our society.