Met Plods Slapped with Racism Charges

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Westminster Magistrates' Court yesterday heard evidence that a Metropolitan Plod Squad officer informed colleagues that monkeys looked like black people - but in his unqualified opinion were probably more closely related to cave-dwelling Neanderthals.

PC Kevin McTosser, 36, of Knobhead Terraces, at Deadwood in Essex, is accused of making the comments while on patrol at Regent’s Park Zoo earlier this year – while his colleague from training college, PC David Twatt, 42, of Xenophobia Hamlets – also from Deadwood in Essex, is accused of asking a perma-sun-tanned female officer, WPC N’kunta Jaffacake, if she ate bananas for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

However, according to their defence statements, both brain-dead plods denied being racists and maintain that any comments which might have been construed as ethnic minority / colour related – such as “Let’s search this shifty black gorilla for drugs and knives” - were simply Plod Squad jargon or friendly street talk banter used to communicate with the ‘natives’ (sic).

The two officers, who were suspended from the Met’ last April on fully paid gardening leave, are each charged with using threatening words or behaviour to cause alarm and distress – plus instances of racially-aggravated harassment to coloured members of the public – and in the case of PC Twatt, towards a uniformed colleague.

Judge Sir Jarvis Ffitch-Gargoyle, presiding over Westminster Magistrates' Court, heard PC McTosser was with colleagues at Regent’s Park Zoo in February, pursuing reports of a gang of suspected ivory poachers loitering around the rhinoceros pen with a chain saw, when he made racist comments as they strolled past the monkey house and watched the primate residents hanging around doing absolutely bugger all – apart from picking nits and pissing on each other.

Prosecutor Chlamydia Mingerot told the court that as they passed the primate enclosure on their way to the rhino pen PC McTosser turned to his colleague, PC Mohammed Patel, and commented "Look at the fuckin’ apes, they’re just like a bunch of drugged-up jungle bunnies hangin’ round outside the Jobcentre, waitin’ for the welfare benefits office to open."
Ms Mingerot then emphasised for the benefit of the half asleep members of the jury that "PC McTosser, knowing full well his fellow officer, PC Patel, was from Pakiland, deliberately made a negative reference to the chimpanzees – implying that they resembled the low life black – or coloured - elements of our society – and specifically ‘Neanderthals’ such as Otzi the Iceman.”

Meanwhile PC Twatt stands accused of making unambiguous racist comments to his colleague, WPC N’kunta Jaffacake, in March – who gave sworn testimony that “Dis honky scumbag keep callin’ me ‘Daktari’ an’ askin’ what do we eat back in Africa - an’ I tell him I’m not from dere but Barbados - so den he wants ta know if any of ma family is still slaves an’ workin’ in de sugar cane fields.”

In his own defence PC Twatt admitted the charges but claimed he only questioned WPC Jaffacake on the points in contention out of genuine scientific anthropological interest as he was awe-struck that someone could actually live on a diet of bananas or chew through a coconut shell with their teeth.

In summing up for the jury before they retired to deliberate on the presented evidence, Judge Ffitch-Gargoyle advised “While I do realise that these foreign johnnies treat we Brits with contempt and make all manner of rude comments about us – such as labelling us all ‘honky trash’ - when we visit their Third World dumps to see how the other half live – the fact remains that PM Scameron is pushing the Brussels / EUSSR Big Society multicultural concept so we’ve simply got to lose this outmoded Anglo-Saxon Protestant bias that states if they’re not white then they’re obviously black and pagans or Muslims – hence criminals on the make or terrorist types up to no good and after blowing up our democratic freedoms.”

Thought for the day. The Met’ has been plagued with negative racist issues of Biblical proportions since their SO19 Armed Response Unit went into ‘Kratos Psycho’ ‘shock n awe mode then shot and killed (read ‘murdered’) an innocent Brazilian electrician on Stockwell Tube Station back in 2005 for looking suspiciously like a Muslim terrorist bomber.

Love, it is true, knows no boundaries and can overcome all odds. However, multiculturalism doesn’t work – here, there, or any fucking where – as it runs contrary to the intrinsic essence of basic human nature. Them n Us / Us n Them – and ne’er the twains shall meet.

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-20496392

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

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