Thursday, 8 November 2012

Scameron Touts for Arms Warmongers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Ox-Rat, the UK-based human rights and wrongs watchdog, has denounced Tory PM Posh Dave Scameron’s taxpayer-funded ‘Flog It’ tour of the Middle East, with the main objective of providing a fa├žade of legitimacy to the war-mongering BAE Systems sales teams – amongst a host of others - out to market lots of nasty weapons to the region’s equally nasty, fascist regimes.

The watchdog’s director, Bev Titwank, interviewed on the BBC’s ever-popular primetime ‘Kill-a-Thon Hour’ by Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr, opined that "We’ve got this basket case of Iraq bombing the sectarian shit out of each other since the Bush-Bliar illegal invasion overthrew Saddam Hussein’s disciplinarian regime and turned order into chaos – along with the Western instigated – and funded – fubar in Syria – and the rogue state of Israel’s ZioNazi criminals chomping at the bit to attack Iran – which is obviously, by pre-design, going to draw in the Great Satan and the UK – and half of the European powers – such as the scumbag, opportunistic French, all out for divvying up the spoils of conquest and a slice of the Mid-East neo-colonial pie.”

“So with us expecting to wake up any morning, see an array of mushroom clouds on the eastern horizon and hear that the Israeli psychos have kick started World War Three by launching a pre-emptive sneak attack on Iran’s nuclear research facilities and their Bushehr 1 reactor plant - the last thing we need is more Western arms peddling in the region – but rather be pushing for peace and democracy, not weapons and profits for Scameron's military-industrial cabal masters. But alas that would be like trying to teach a tortoise to play ‘Fetch!’”

During his three-day trip to the Middle East, Scameron acted like a fairground barker for the top British Fortune 500 arms dealers to clinch a deal of selling a hundred Typhoon fighter jets worth £6 zillion nicker to the ‘zero accountability’ dodgy despotic regimes of the UAE, Oman and Saudi Arabia – all of whose human rights records surpass the atrocities committed by Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot combined.

Ms Titwank added “The Universe might well operate on certain fixed, mayhap immutable, principles - whether borne out of chance or divine will, who knows - but when the likes of Scameron use their political clout to push arms deals for a dingbat supra-national circle of recluse manipulators who set the New World Order’s agenda for globalism then something’s not right.”

“Oh yes, we’ve received reports from our embedded whistleblowers in Scameron’s entourage, at a tent party in the UAE with the shifty sheikhs and their ‘bacha ‘bazi’ (Balucchi rent boys) our Prime Minister informed the assembly “We’ll sell you whatever you like in the way of guns, tasers, thumbscrews, waterboards, jet fighters, cluster bombs and missiles – all you have to promise is not to point them at Baron’s Rothshite’s pet project – Israel – and practice shooting at the horrid Iranians instead.”

“So bollocks to Scameron’s mantra that “It’s all for the good of the country”. Yeah right, and if you get up early enough in a morning you can piss in a stoat’s ear. Of course there is no justice in this world - the concept is a total fallacy, much like the moronic New Testament’s prediction that the meek shall inherit the Earth.”

Following Scameron’s megalomaniac UAE excursion to promote wars for some other fucker and their dog to fight – (obviously Posh Dave and his gang won’t be anywhere near the blast zone radius of anti-personnel mines or grenade or mortar round shrapnel) - it was off to Amman, then a short chopper ride to the Ras al Shitheap refugee camp on the Syrian-Jordanian border where after puking up his lunch of dried grasshoppers and rancid goat’s yoghourt, he pledged that UK humanitarian support for the victims of the 18-month conflict in Syria would be boosted from the current £35 million quid of taxpayer’s hard-earned cash to a cosy round robin figure of £50 million.

Nice one Dave, no austerity measures for the fucking Syrians like your own hapless voters back in the UK – hence little wonder welfare benefits for our unemployed, homeless and disabled are being slashed to the bone and Britain’s ‘Broken’ with a large capital ‘B’ – to support a bunch of Third World refugees who are victims of their own folly.

Scameron informed one press hack from the War Crimes Gazette that “Crikey, it’s a real clusterfuck over there in Syria with all these imported gangs of raghead militants from surrounding countries infiltrating her borders - and civilians caught in the cross-fire.”
“Believe me, I’m open to sending FS Willy Vague’s agent provocateur, that John Wilkes chappie, to initiate a line of credit for arms with the foreign-funded trigger-happy mercenary psychos seeking to overthrow this Basher Assad bloke and the band of blood-thirsty oicks he’s got working for him.”

“It’s so damn frustrating, having this Brussels / EUSSR arms embargo on sending weapons to Syria - which for some daft reason we signed up to – when what we should be doing is arming the opposition. Some of these poor sods haven’t even got a gun to shoot back with – that’s why we should be supplying them with ground-to-air shoulder fired missiles to shoot down Assad’s choppers – and perhaps a few weapons of mass distraction to really scare the pants off the Damascus regime.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Gilly said...

Brilliant spoof on 'Scameron' as you call him - a fitting sobriquet too.
Love the visit to the refugee camp bit - and can just imagine a naive upper class tosser like Cameron talking like that.