Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Chazzer & Gorgonzilla on Antipodean Tour

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The batshit bonkers heir-apparent to the throne of our once-sceptred isle’s monarchy, Prince Chazzer Saxe-Coburg-Gotha McWindsor – aka the Royal Plant Whisperer – and eldest son of our incumbent sovereign, Queen Lizzie (the Mk 2 Kraut genes model) and His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh – has been dispatched on a slow boat tour of the Antipodes, acting in the role of proxy flag-waver to celebrate his Mum’s 60th Jubilee as Chief Lizard of the Reptile Dynasty.

However, according to one report in the Daily Shitraker, old wingnut head’s trip was ostensibly mandated by Sir Dinsdale Armitage-Shanks, the Royal Back-Watcher, to avoid the showers of fectal shrapnel about to be thrown up in a high and far and wide radial arc of destruction by the burgeoning Savile / BBC child molesting scandal when the shit reaches a critical mass eruptive state and really hits the fan.

This ‘isolation’ strategy was devised to serve a secondary function – by preventing Chazzer from inadvertently opening his big gob to media hacks regarding the ‘up close and personal’ connections to ‘Groper Jim’ and repeating a slip of the tongue incident like last week’s potentially-disastrous faux pas – fortunately caught and censured by the Clarence House ‘damage control’ unit before it could hit the red top gutter press headlines.

Apparently the Prince passed a moronic comment in the public arena concerning Savile’s paedo proclivities: specifically “Well, what’s wrong with that, I say. As long as the sodding girls had hair they could sit on – and as Pater used to crudely phrase it “If they’re old enough to bleed then they’re old enough to damn well butcher’ – which shines a rather contrary light on Chazzer’s rumoured proclivity for rolling about naked with douchebag drama queen Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles in the Highgrove compost heap for a spot of adulterous al fresco sex - prior to the incestuous royals having Princess Diana murdered to prevent her cluttering up Kensington Palace with a brood of Muslim heirs to the throne.

Meanwhile, back on the Jubilee tour trail, the first stop of this carbon unfriendly itinerary route for Chazzer and his chain-smoking troll of a consort, Gorgonzilla, Duchess of Cornhole, was Papua New Guinea, where on landing in Port Moresby, he was greeted by beetle-chewing tribal chieftains with his affectionate Melanesian sobriquet of ‘Mista Pikanini Bat-Ears’.

At Sunday evening's banquet, held in his honour, Chazzer amused the assembly with his Dobby impersonation then presented souvenir Diamond Jubilee t-shirts sporting the logo “We all love Queen Liz” to Prime Minister Peter O'Neill and other dignitaries kitted out in their native formal dress: a pair of Stubbies, tank top and flip-flops – then as Colonel in Chief of the Royal Pacific Islands Fuzzy Wuzzy Regiment, later bestowed the battalion commander, Major Wormhole Jaffacake, with a new 'Agincourt' model longbow and a quiver of red, white and blue Jubilee arrows.

During his visit, Chazzer further announced the endowment of an educational trust to fund Papuan youths gifted with a double figures IQ to travel to the UK and study at PM Scameron's Big Society Asbo Central Academies – which was met with a reception of head-shaking dismay from tribal elders – one of whom later advised the Prince “Leave the poor fuckers alone - they adore their heathen ignorance – and what you’re suggesting is like trying to teach a tortoise to play ‘fetch!’”

Monday saw the royal couple and their entourage of hangers-on head off for Oz, where they’ve set themselves the unenviable task of visiting four major cities - Melbourne, Adelaide, Sydney and the capital Canberra - plus the incest-ridden island state shithole of Tasmania in less than a calendar week- with Gorgonzilla (her face like a half-inflated kid’s balloon – the scary Halloween type – a hangover result from the previous night’s grog) confiding to one press hack from the Dingbats Gazette that she was looking forward to meeting Crocodile Dundee and his big muscle-bound mate Donk.

After landing at Longreach Airport in Queensland, the royals were ushered to a traditional Ozzie barbie of roo steaks, half-cooked snags, burned prawns and stale hotdog rolls – all washed down with an inexhaustible supply of ice cold draught XXXX and Fosters at Brisbane’s notorious Coorparoo RSL Club, where after a spot of low key lounging and a few ‘frosties’ downed over a game of two-up with the lads, the heir to the throne was invited to join the big boys club and take a piss up against the Bjelke-Petersen Graft & Corruption Memorial for good luck.

The royal couple’s first evening saw them attend an Outback Stockman’s display of platypus juggling, followed by a disastrous ‘crocodile strangling’ event where two cobbers, the worse for drink, ended up at the local A & E missing all manner of minor body extremities – and were later joined by Gorgonzilla who had the misfortune to get her regal arse bitten by a redback while taking her weekly dump on the RSL Club’s crapper.

As the night’s festivities drew to a close, Chazzer was presented with a pair of genuine drover’s ‘sheep-shaggers’ wellies - just in case he felt like having a break from bonking Gorgonzilla and fancied a nice young woollyback ewe while down in Melbourne.

Meanwhile, back in Broken Britain, the ‘Jail Bait Jimmy’ scandal is reaching new heights of notoriety with a legion of middle-aged men and women coming forward with credible accounts of the sexual abuse they were subjected to as children, not only by the abominable Savile, but a horde of household name elitist government personages and showbiz celebrities – known to each other by their Freemasonic secret handshakes – and an aberrant fetish for BD/SM, kiddie fiddling and sodomy.

So at least Chazzer is out of it as allegations bombard his Clarence House front door that he and Savile shared an unhealthy close relationship – with the deceased DJ being the one to actually interview and vet the Prince’s personal private secretary, Sir Christopher Airy, for the job back in 1990 – which in the eyes of Republican critics – and they are legion – raises some very serious questions regarding Chazzer’s judgement in worldly matters – especially so as he is heir apparent to the English throne.

Okay, let’s hold our hands up and admit the obvious, Chazzer comes across as a slack-jawed, gob-agape, fly-catching gormless twat. The type of person stricken – just like his obnoxious cunt of a father - with a narcissistic personality disorder and an equally-deranged sense of self-righteousness - who thinks wood grows on trees and could fuck up a perfectly good anvil if ever allowed to play with a hammer.

So, in light of recent, and further-unfolding events, we ask is Chazzer up to being let out on his own – and more so, the job of being King (if and ‘when’ his Mum shakes off her mortal coil) and implementing the role of Fidei Defensor – defender of the ‘Protestant’ Christian faith.

For here lies the conundrum – according to an archived piece in the Pound of Flesh Gazette, Chazzer is a crypto-Jew that promotes the insidious cult of Zionism.
No black propaganda here – the Prince of Wales is a raving Judeophiliac who attended a top secret ‘bris milah’ organised by his late Uncle Dickie Mountbatten in the 1960’s to get the end of his male member lopped off by London’s chief moel, Rabbi Sheldon Snipcock.

Hence this could manifest as the kind of hypocrisy we might well be faced with – a closet case meshuggenah kikester as our future monarch – with sole responsibility to execute the role of Fidei Defensor and caretaker of the Church of England religion – and not some shifty Shylock mumbo-jumbo whispered in his ear by Gorgonzilla, quoting in Hebrew from the Torah or Kabbalah.

Really, this is even worse than his predecessor Charles 1st missus, Henrietta Maria of France, promoting Roman Catholicism from behind the shadow of the English throne throughout his reign – which didn’t go down at all well with the Puritans and contributed to the eventual overthrown of the monarchy and the investment of Cromwell as Lord Protector of England.

To wit, if Chazzer becomes King then we could end up swapping the Union Jack for a Māḡēn Dāwīḏ. Now, wouldn’t that present a coup for the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion agenda?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Quinn said...

That is funny. a great satirical view of the actual events.