NatWest Freezes Jail Bait Jimmy’s Estate

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

‘Jail Bait’ Jimmy Savile's £4.3 million quid estate and assets were yesterday frozen in a state of suspended animation by the appointed NatWest Bank trustees who fear with the mounting allegations of groping, molestation and outright rape the aforesaid estate might well be encumbered with a payout bill for shedloads of compensation to the late dirty DJ’s sexual abuse victims – an amount one canny bankster exec’ guesstimated might total up to ‘lots and lots of money’.

The now-reviled groper's last will and testament was written in 2006 and bequeaths his cash stash and other assets to 26 separate beneficiaries, which include the St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites; the Doggers Wood Three Hole Fudge Club; the Lord Longford-Wolfenden Masonic Trust for Paedophile Affairs; the Leeds Morticians Necrophilia Endowment Fund – and bonny (devolved) Scotland’s elitist Aberdeen-based Judicial Nonce Society.

An article in yesterday’s Pederasts Weekly confirmed that the NatWest Bank, which is acting as the executor and trustee of the ‘Jim'll Fuck It’ presenter's will, has halted the distribution of the celebrity child molester's £4.3 million quid’s worth estate and assets due the gravity and scope of the burgeoning allegations of sexual abuse.

The gutter press red top tabloid claims to have obtained a copy of the dodgy DJ’s final will which instructs that £200,000 nicker in cash was to be shared between a group of BBC officials who covered up his paedo’ peccadilloes – with a further £600,000 quid to be put into a trust fund, with the interest shared between eight Yorkshire hillside shepherds to ensure their continued silence concerning certain acts of zoophilia involving woolly farm animals.

One of the eight named benefactors confided to press hacks that “This Savile character woz a right weirdo, wot wiv the blonde hair-do an’ butterscotch tartan pants – an’ he used ter park his fancy Jag’ up at our farm then go off for long walks on the moors an’ come back smelling of KY Jelly an’ wet sheep.”

The remainder of the estate - just under £3.7 million before expenses - was to be held by the NatWest Bank on behalf of The Jimmy Savile Groupie Gropers Trust.

Savile's estate was previously put on hold last July after a 40-year old woman, Georgina McSkanger, came forward claiming the DJ had an affair with her mother (Bev Titwank) in the 1970’s, and as his illegitimate daughter she considered herself entitled to a rather large slice of the estate under the statutes of the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. Nice one Georgina – join the queue.

Hapless detectives are currently going round in ever-decreasing circles following 400 different lines of inquiry as part of the investigation, while the ‘holier-than-thou’ Beeb has launched a half-arsed inquiry into the culture and practices at the fudge and paedo-infested corporation in the era of Savile's alleged reign of sexual abuse.

From an originally under-guesstimated 20 victims groped by Jail Bait Jimbo, this figure has steadily increased to a couple of hundred raped - and now, since the mention of £££ mega-bucks compo pay-outs to victims, the tally is shooting up at a geometric rate into the thousand figures – and all claiming to have been his unwilling three hole suck n swallow sex slaves – with even his own niece swearing on a pick n mix stack of Bibles, Korans, Torahs and the Book of Moron that she had her snatch groped by Uncle Jimmy since 12 years old.

Doubtless now the compo’ flood gates have been breached, the alleged victims emerging from the past with claims of sexual abuse are set to mount up from here on in – and include a litany of celebrity gob-smacked groupies, BBC canteen dinner ladies, to cleaning staff to hospital nurses and patients, to abused orphanage inmates, to head-banging Broadmoor lifers – with ambulance-chasing attorneys set to do the rounds of mortuaries and graveyards to dig up (sic - no pun intended) any evidence of systematic corpse abuse.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.