Tories Adopt ‘Slave Labour’ Policy

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Libservative Coalition leader and Tory Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, has added a piquant touch of spice to his Big Society / Let’s Mend Broken Britain campaign to stop us all rioting and looting the local Pound Stretcher shops of valuable merchandise – by taking a page from Stalin and Mao’s totalitarian regime policies and adopting a doctrine of unpaid ‘slave labour’ to keep the millions of unemployed peasants busy and unable to congregate for their regular afternoon Bolshie whinge and bonding sessions down the local Troublespot Taverns ale house.

Under the ‘Get Britain Off Its Arse’ banner scheme Pestco, Pukesbury’s and Mammon & Snobfords– the main UK Greedy Grocer supermarket chains - are taking unemployed 16-24 year olds for ‘unpaid’ Work Experience Placements (read ‘slavery’) direct from the Jobcentre Plus (Jobcentre - 'plus exploitation’).

Stricken and cursed by the paradox of there being zero sustainable employment opportunities since Thatcher de-industrialised Britain in the 80’s and hence there are no job vacancies to be filled - thousands of hapless youths are being mandated to work without pay in a ‘job creation’ programme for multinational corporations, including Pestco, Shiterose, Skidmark and Stilton Hotels, by the quangos administering the government's welfare reforms - working flat out like a lizard drinking for up to six months to qualify for an unemployment benefit pittance of £67.50 quid a week - or less.

Ms Beverly Titwank, the director of Pestco’s ‘PPP’ slave labour division (Poles, Pikeys & Peasants) told one press hack from the Serfdom Gazette that the company has created 3,000 unpaid work experience placements for the ‘young unemployed’ labouring in their warehouses - and described the Big Society project as “What a brilliant scheme on the Tories part for upping our profits.”

Besides Pestco taking unfair advantage of unpaid labour, Pukesbury’s supermaket and the Skidmark clothing chain are both named in a damning list, obtained by the Abolition Now! human rights and wrongs charity last month under the Snitch & Grassers Act 2007 – which names companies, voluntary and public sector bodies taking advantage of unpaid work placements organised by A4e, another shifty employment company contracted by the government, although Pukesbury's denied working with A4e – stating for the public record they ran their own in-house ‘No Chance’ employment scheme and preferred to round up slave labour from the desperate ranks of the homeless camped out on landfill sites – and illegal migrants who didn’t fancy a stay in Belmarsh Prison or a career as cockle pickers.

For the public record, the gospel according to A4e’s website, they claim to be, quote: “A social purpose company with one sole aim - to improve people's lives around the world. We do this by helping them to find unpaid work”.

Further to exploitation by greedy corporations out to boost profits by any means – and morality be damned - under the draconic statutes of the Libservative’s Mandatory Work Activity scheme, 20,000 hapless sods will be put to toil and labour (unpaid) for up to 40-plus hours a week for six months.
The DWP claims these jobs will deliver a contribution to the local community - by having the unemployed cleaning council official’s window and doing their gardens – plus picking up litter, scooping dogshit and licking the neighbourhood pavements clean.

Conversely, Bazzer McGnasher of the Boycott Workfare campaign, told reporters “It’s all a crock of shit cos these placements aren’t designed ter help people inter full-time paid work but just boost the profits of private commercial organisations – an’ at the end of the effin’ day there’s no jobs ter be had.”

“Wot they’re doin’ is ter provide a constant stream of free labour an’ suppress wages an’ undercut existin’ jobs by replacin’ paid workers wiv unpaid slaves. Them wot’s signin’ on at the Jobcentre are coerced, bullied an’ sanctioned inter takin’ the placements under the threat of havin’ their benefits stopped.”

“Placements in the public sector an’ charities are no better either an’ are makin’ volunteerin’ compulsory - wot deprives the God-given right of a person ter sell their own labour - and their free will ter choose wot they volunteer their time for.”

“Believe you me, this twat of a Prime Minister Scameron, fer all the ‘Big Society’ bullshit an’ ‘Let’s mend Broken Britain’ waffle – his true constituency isn’t Shitney in Poxfordshire but the Fortune 500 company index. The man’s a cunt - in cunt’s clothin’.”

Thought for the day: Anyone ever heard of a guy named William Wilberforce – or Britain’s abolition of slavery which came into being via the medium of The Slave Trade Act receiving Royal Assent on 25 March 1807?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.