Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Taliban End Game Offensive Underway

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A post-mortem report regarding the Taliban Dan Gang’s ‘Happy Anniversary’ attack on the British Council offices in the Afghan capital of Kabul last weekend has been released by NATO forces – (now re-branded as the all-powerful ‘Atlantic Alliance’ – even if they are thousands of miles from the actual Atlantic)

The multiple suicide attack by Taliban die-hard self-harmers was scheduled to mark the anniversary of Afghanistan's independence from the UK in 1919, when British troops from the Raj finally pulled out of the Graveyard of Empires - a battlefield still littered with the bones of foreign invaders dating back millenniums – to the time of Alexander of Macedonia and Ashoka of India – and too the Ruskies in the 1980’s.

In one of their Jolly Jihad extravaganza spectaculars, a suicide car bomber - identified later by the bits of him stuck to the surrounding buildings as Shaheed bin Mincemeat - destroyed the British Council’s compound wall, which enabled a squad of heavily armed Taliban mujahideen fighters, dressed in androgynous burkas, to storm the buildings, killing at least 12 people and dominating the compound for several hours – providing the planned opportunity to access the British military computers and data banks – which resulted in NATO’s top secret encrypted communications codes being totally compromised.

Speaking from the advantage point of pig ignorance regarding the Afghan Islamic culture and Muslim jihadist mindset towards foreign invaders of their sacred land, the UK Prime Minister, Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron, condemned the "cowardly assault", claiming that Taliban patriots had no right attacking the administration facilities of the military forces illegally occupying their once-sovereign nation

Likewise, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, the rug-munching US Secretary of Sleaze, labelled the attack as "vicious" and claimed this confirmed the fact that Western forces needed to stay in Afghanistan a few more years - propping up the despotic regime of President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government.

Not missing a chance for a photo shoot opportunity and blabbering his two-penneth of moronic twaddle, British Foreign Office Minister Alistair Burt told one press hack from the Carnage Gazette "My thoughts are with those killed and injured and their families and friends, including locals working to protect the British Council building – and anyone else they might know. These people are in Afghanistan to help grow and protect the opium crops so our heroin addicts back in Britain can afford a fix of 100% pure H at a decent price and not have to go making themselves sick with Monsanto’s genetically-modified heroin that’s been cut on the streets with chalk and talcum powder.”

Conversely, Taliban Kamikaze Brigade commander Mullah Liwat ibn Zamel, speaking to a reporter from the Mayhem Review at his Tora Bora cave hideaway, was adamant that a fresh wave of assaults were planned to strike to the very heart of the NATO forces illegally occupying his country just to keep the running dog stooge President Hamid Karzai in power, so they could maintain their military bases, preparing for a choice moment to invade Pakiland and steal their nuclear arsenal.

“We shall overcome these Western infidels and their Zionist masters from the Great Satan. The next time the Kenyan Obama sends more ‘Surge’ troops to bolster their shock and awe ‘Operation Kill Every Fucker’, then he should kit each one out with their own body bag.”
“How many foreign invaders have our ancestors defeated here over the centuries – more than the fingers on the hands - and last time it was a world super power –the Soviet Russian Bear – and next it shall be the pig-eating American global bully and their corrupt European cohorts.”

“Now they shoot down their own Chinook helicopter over Wardak and blame us – these people are out to defeat themselves. They kill their Seal Team 6 troops, the ones who know the falsity, that Osama bin Laden was not at the compound in Abbottabad – now they are silenced and can never reveal the deception. These people in Washington are crazy keeping the bogey man spectre of bin Laden alive when he has been dead since 2001. Are they so stupid they cannot conjure up some new anti-Christ enemy to blame for the next false flag terrorist attack?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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