Gay Pride Demand Bert & Ernie Marry

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, the Bible – and God – call them ‘an abomination; Parliament and Whitehall are infested with ‘em; Oscar Wilde went to prison for the then-heinous crime of buggering newspaper boys; and now this same crew of shirt-lifting sodomites are petitioning Sesame Street’s producers to marry off the iconic pair of Bert and Ernie – in a same-sex union to each other.

What the fuck next – will they want all the other Henson family characters to start pairing off also? Kermit to get hitched to Miss Piggy and have lots of ‘tadlets’ – or ‘pigpoles’ – or the pair of old curmudgeons in the Muppet Show balcony box, Statler and Waldorf, to come out of the closet? Will Big Bird go broody, lay a clutch of eggs and slap Sam the Eagle with a paternity suit?

Oh yes, what a great set of promiscuous guidelines for pre-pubescent kiddies. “Mummy, Mummy, what's Bert doing to Ernie?”
“Oh, he’s just giving him one up his back passage – but look, Ernie’s smart, he’s wearing a condom.”

However, gay rights campaigners are attempting to force the issue, demanding the ‘odd couple’ should marry as a way to encourage tolerance of gay people – with an excess of 7,000 sad fuckers signing the petition to date, and more than 3,000 other morons joining a ‘Bert and Ernie Get Married’ Facebook page.

American gay rights campaigner and celebrity transvestite Lair ‘call me Geena’ Scott is actively petitioning for the pair to tie the knot, a move that he hoped would teach children tolerance of those that are different – and like sticking their cocks up each other’s bums.
Bert and Ernie are cast as confirmed bachelors who have lived together for 40 years and sleep in the same bedroom, albeit in single beds – arousing speculation and suspicions that they’re secret lovers who play the beast with two backs once the lights are out.

Scott’s online petition states: "We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful – like having them put on a suck n spit demo’ or butt-fuck each other – but stage a simple civil ceremony if a white wedding’s out.”

Regardless, the makers of Sesame Street have issued a press statement that the characters Bert and Ernie will not marry in a same-sex ceremony despite an online petition calling for the union.
Sesame Workshop Chairman Hiram P. Warthog III told gutter press hacks “Enough these Madam and Eve – or Adam and Steve – perverse relationships.”
"Bert and Ernie are best friends and were created to teach pre-schoolers that people can be good friends - without the Gay Pride movement’s dirty butch dykes and ass-fiddling fudgers resorting to corrupting the minds of our youth with their dildos and butt plugs and cross dressing antics.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.