Thursday, 4 August 2011

Labour Councillors say “Hang ‘Em High”

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Two Leicester City Council representatives, who act as members of the Leicestershire Police Authority, have thrown their support behind a ‘Back to the Dark Ages’ crusade to reinstate the death penalty.

Barbara Snotter and Cheesedip Mechanic, both New Labour councillors for the Leicester wards Dumberstone-Hamilton and Beaumont Leys respectively, while devoid of any formal education or training in Human Rights or International Law themselves, have, in a display of their customary unqualified arrogance, endorsed the ‘Hang ‘Em High’ campaign recently launched by ultra-right-wing blogger Paul ‘Bonfire Night’ Staines.

Staines, who blogs under the pseudonym Guido Fawkes, the 16th Century Yorkshire terrorist who, faced death by hanging – (then being drawn and quartered, did a head-first tombstone job off the scaffold and broke his neck) - for his treasonable actions of disagreeing with Parliament - is spearheading the campaign and harbours deluded hopes of forcing a vote by MPs on the issue in the House of Conmans, by gathering 100,000 e-signatures in support of the restoration of capital punishment.

Hopefully this will be applied not only on knife-wielding hoodies and generalised scrotes who stab and hack pensioners to bits for fun while stoned or pissed, but also to TSG police officers who, with premeditated malice aforethought, gratuitously attack and unlawfully kill innocent passer-by news vendors in the vicinity of G20 protest rallies.

Perhaps the intended legislation can be crafted to further include the homicidal maniacs comprising the ranks of the Plod Squad’s SO19 Armed Response crew who are currently favoured with a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ exemption clause to avoid prosecution for the Kratos style murders of Brazilian electricians who they moronically mistake for Muslim terrorists with a look of the ‘Mongolian’ about them.

Obviously failing to engage brain prior to opening gob, the Ditherall-based Councillor Snotter suffered a typical blonde moment when informing one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette "Bring it on. Give these murdering skangers the option of the noose, the electric chair or lethal injection – or the guillotine, like they have over in France."
"Support for the death penalty is much bigger than politicians realise. MPs are out of touch with the public on this issue – much as they are with everything else.”
"I think the vast majority of the British sheeple will back this campaign. People are disgusted and appalled with nasty criminal types who murder children and our police officers."

Hmmm, doubtless she never thought the complications of this most moral issue through, but while Councillor Snotter supports the death penalty for murderers whose victims happen to be children and the odd plod in uniform, that restriction bestows a higher value on their lives than it does on Big Issue sellers, Brazilian electricians, postmen, security guards, hospital medical staff, burglarised home owners and defend yourself florists.

Members of the common herd will be able to start adding their signatures to the campaign when the petition is launched on the Government's new e-petition website.
Under revised Government rules, if an e-petition collects 100,000 signatures it will automatically trigger a formal House of Conmans debate and vote in Parliament.

Leicester Police Authority spokeswoman Candida Mingerot, speaking to media hacks at a press conference, stated for the public record “Personally I can’t see what all the morality fuss is about - hanging murderers along with the odd wrongfully convicted party, as our air force pilots and troops are snuffing equally innocent non-combatant civilians – women and kids – in Afghanistan and Libya every day and no sod seems too bothered about that little miscarriage of justice or denial of human rights.”

Do you have an opinion on capital punishment? Should it apply only to kiddie and cop killers – or should every scrote and their dog get it too? How about expense-cheating MPs? Are we heading back to Babylonian Law where the punishment fits the crime? Who’d like to see someone burned at the stake for binning a defenceless moggie?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could qualify for a place on the Jobcentre Plus’s ‘Hangman Wanted’ shortlist.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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