Panopticon Surveillance State Goes Viral

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

At the last count, there are currently an excess of twelve thousand CCTV cameras on the London Underground system alone, monitoring the movements of millions of passengers ‘every single day’ – apart from at Stockwell Tube Station on July 22nd 2005 when the Met Plod Squad’s trigger happy SO15 Counter Terrorist Squad and SO19 Armed Response Unit mistook Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes for a Jolly Jihad Islamic terrorist suicide bomber due his ‘Mongolian’ looks and pumped seven rounds of 9mm expanding Black Talon rounds into his head – in yet another of their illegal Kratos style murders.

But since the advent of the ubiquitous mobile smart phones that can snap as clear a photo as a £27,600 quid Hasselblad H4D-60 camera, some shit-for-brains commuters are also doing their own electronic reconnaissance – with a growing number of websites and photo galleries springing up across the net, dedicated to critiquing the appearance, dress and behaviour of fellow strap-hangers.

Baz McTadger was travelling on the Bakerloo line in London one Sunday morning after a night out on the lash, when his photograph was secretly taken by some moronic slapper using a mobile phone.
It wasn't until a few days later when his Mum called up and said “Yer famous Bazzer, yer piccies on the tubecrush.net website an’ a connected Twitter account.”

Apparently tubecrush.net invites commuters to send in pictures of total strangers they find a bit weird, bizarre or suspicious – (especially ‘females’ wearing a burkha and Doc Martins – or heavily bearded Muslim blokes toting a backpack and reading Airbus A-330 flight manuals) - with the proviso that the subjects must be males of the species and travelling on the London underground.

Mr McTadger later commented to Plod Squad detectives "It were a bit strange at first, but then I were quite flattered – until I read the online assessments of meself: balding scrote wot looks a bit like that kiddie fiddling Freemason twat Hamilton wot snuffed the class of sprogs at Dunblane in 1996.”
“Then I woz effin’ shocked – an’ insulted – an’ the next bleedin’ thing is some fat gyppo bitch from Albania shoves a post on sayin’ “That looks just like the shifty git wot tried ter rape me last year when I woz on me hol’s in Kosovo.”

“Fer fuck’s sake, two days later the plods turn up ter arrest me on suspicion of attempted rape – an’ even though I tells ‘em I ain’t never bin anywhere near fuckin’ Kosovo they don’t believe me an’ I ends up wiv me name on the Sex Offenders Register an’ a pending prosecution fer tryin’ ter three-hole some pikey slag wot I’ve never met. I mean ter say, let’s be fair, I’ve got more respect fer me cock than ter go stickin’ it in a porky scrubber like that.”

However, the hapless Mr McTadger’s hardly alone facing this dilemma now a veritable profusion of similar social networking accounts and online galleries have sprung up. Some like @peopleonthetube focus on odd clothing and strange circumstances, while the @tube_chicks rated pictures of female passengers that inspired an insta-hard-on by the size of their boobs for a tit wank - and the calculated ‘suck n swallow’ blow job ability of their lips.

The popular @shop-a-scrote website was shut down when certain Bolshie and anarchist elements started leaving character assassination comments against every photo posted – such as “Got shoplifter written all over her face” – “Looks like a right skanger” – and “This twat’s got ter be of them Israeli war criminals wot’s always on the news fer murderin Palestinian kids”.

However, Ms Candida Mingerot, the transport@peopleonthetube website spokeswoman, informed the gutter press that “We have clear instructions posted on our website informing users what to do if someone sees their own picture in a gallery, and wants it removed.”
“We prudently installed a "photo removal request" option and so far, in the seven months our site’s been active, we’ve only had a few people request that their images be taken down – and all of them were Israeli war criminals – apart from one convicted paedophile from Aberdeen.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.