Mubarak Trial Nixed for UK Telly Broadcast

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Millions of anxious Sky TV viewers in the UK have expressed their profound disappointment that the much-awaited English translation of the Hosni Mubarak trial – or even a sub-titled version - will never now be broadcast since the Cairo-based presiding Judge, Hee-Haw ibn Himar, ruled in favour of objections to the televising filed by the ex-President’s defence team.

Ms Chardonnay McSkanger, a 16-year old mother of three and resident of Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, told one interviewer outside her local welfare benefits office “I were really gettin’ inter it all, like, every afternoon – even if it woz all in Egyptian or effin’ Arabic or summat."
"Me an’ me mates woz hopin’ that Hosni might get off wiv a community service order or summat like that an’ not cop fer a custodial sentence at his fuckin’ age, poor old cunt. Yer know, wiv all them nasty Muslim Brotherhood twats breathin’ down his effin’ neck – who couldn’t sympathise.”

For reasons that still baffle social scientists and anthropologists alike, the British public’s fascination with all things Egyptian – the mysterious Nile, pyramids, pharaohs, camels, the Suez Canal - and their plant pot Fez headgear which so inspires memories of our beloved Tommy Cooper – is a veritable conundrum which manifested with the Arab Spring revolt that saw the common herd go from bad to worse in their collective ‘frying pan to the fire’ political faux pas - and exchange Mubarak’s oppressive autocratic regime for an unelected military junta.

Insh’Allah, what a pity there’s no known cure for chronic stupidity.

Since the overthrow of Mubarak’s ruling Kleptocracy Party government and the installation of Field Marshall Bala’a il A’air Tarantula as head of the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces, now composed of ex-torturers, jailers and spies, all out for a quick buck and their very own numbered Swiss bank accounts – members of the old regime, such as the ex-president himself and his family of light-fingered sprogs – and too Mr Liwat Manuke Khara, the ex-Minister for Graft & Corruption, have been arrested, their visible assets seized, and charged with plundering the Egyptian economy.

Initially under house arrest at his palatial Sharm al Sheikh mansion on the Red Sea coast, Mubarak is now spending his days shuffling between the Cairo General Hospital and the High Court building, attending his trial on a stretcher, clad in ‘Simpsons’ pyjamas and repeatedly whispering to himself – or some unseen spiritual entity – in Arabic “For fuck’s sake, beam me up, Scotty.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.