Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Cathay Pacific Rethink ‘Extra Mile’ Ad

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Cathay Pacific have prudently decided to delay - and totally ‘rephrase’ - their latest global marketing strategy campaign after photographs of the airline’s crew members brazenly engaging in a gymnastic sexual acts extravaganza with passengers were published in this month’s edition of the Far East Sex Whorist magazine.

The airline was due to launch the campaign in September but following the full-colour photo exposé in the centrefold pages of the glossy magazine – plus a series of damning video clips posted on the You Tube website of stewardesses and passengers rolling around the cabin of the Hedonist Class section, engaged in an all-out display of clusterfuck debauchery – the entire scheme has been postponed.

The marketing project’s intended tagline was "Meet the team who go that ‘extra mile’ to make you feel special" - complete with a banner photo of a bevy of sexy Oriental stewardesses smiling seductively - but following the release of the scandalous pix and You Tube videos Cathay’s spokeswoman Beverly Titwank informed a press hack from the Daily Shitraker that "We’ve decided to hold back on the campaign for a while due this current bad publicity – especially so with ‘Going that Extra Mile for You’ now being interpreted as a direct reference to the notorious Five Mile High Club - and the innuendo-laden question of what actually goes on in the ‘Cock-pit’.”

Best of intentions besides, last night subversive elements hacked into the Cathay Pacific website and actually posted a parody of the intended ‘Extra Mile’ marketing campaign – using the original banner photo of the sexy stewardesses coupled with the caption: “Join Cathay Pacific’s exclusive ‘Sky High Three Holers Club’, starting with a suck n spit blowjob from one of our sexy Sino stewardesses – or if you’re ‘that way’ inclined, a full-on suck n swallow from one of our Lechery Class lounge Thai ladyboy in-flight attendants” – and accompanied by a full gallery of the scandalous pix from the Far East Sex Whorist mag’.

The Hong Kong-based carrier today announced that the entire ‘cast’ of crew members photographed and filmed in "compromising situations – playing the beast with two backs" aboard flight CP69 from Wanking to Fuckashima are no longer working for the company.

Conversely, the ex-Cathay Pacific stewardess’s involved, Ms Eat Mi Out, Ms Yu Wan Wank and Ms Fuk Yew Tu told reporters they intend to file a case of unfair dismissal against the airline as ‘intimate passenger entertainment’ was part of their contractual job description activities when assigned to the Marco Polo ‘Hedonist’ and ‘Lechery’ Class executive sections of the Airbus A380 aircraft on long haul flights.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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