Monday, 8 November 2010

Yemen Tops US Invasion Shitlist

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

One of the two parcel bombs intercepted last weekend, after being reportedly posted in Yemen, was defused just minutes before it was due to explode and kill everyone within a hundred miles around, France's Interior Minister Brice Horsefuck informed a reporter from the Bullshit Gazette.

Mr Horsefuck was perhaps speaking from his vantage point of having access to all DGSE intelligence traffic – or simply jumping on the bandwagon blowing his own trumpet and fantasizing – thinking it better to say something rather than be though a thick twat and say nothing - even if he knew sweet FA to start with.
Horsefuck refused to reveal his source for the information – although hinted it was a ‘little bird that whispered in his ear’.

Western investigators are focusing their attentions on a make-believe al-Qaeda offshoot purported to be based in the Yemen – and dubbed with the nonsensical title of AQAP (Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula) which held a press conference on Monday to admit it was behind the false flag parcel bomb plot pantomime.

Security forces in Yemen, on the promise of a big pay-off and armaments aid package from the Great Satan, have now been galvanised into action and are interviewing all foreign students still in the shithole of a country that took graduate courses in Advanced Bomb-Making at the Saan’a Institute for Terrorist Jihads.

The bombs were discovered after a tip-off from the Tel Aviv-based ‘Hi-Fivers Gazette’, routed via Saudi Arabian authorities - and were pulled off US-bound cargo planes in England and Dubai.
They were concealed inside printer cartridges and consisted of PETN charges - an explosive that disingenuous officials claim is difficult-to-detect – until it detonates and goes “Ka-Fucking-Boom!”
German intelligence officials – none of who were involved in the disarming of any of the bombs - have said the bombs contained 300-400 grams of PETN - more than enough to cause a nasty bang.

However both bombs were wired to circuit boards from mobile phones but examination of the SIM cards revealed they were both ‘pay-as-you-go’ types – with neither having any credit so hence could not have received the fatal incoming call and been detonated – prompting Western intelligence officials to view this as a very low budget terrorist operation, probably short of funding.

Meanwhile, over in grotty Greece, the Athens Plod Squad today carried out a controlled explosion on a suspicious package addressed to the French Embassy.
Unfortunately it was on the reception desk of the embassy at the time and levelled the lobby area, killing two nosey janitors and the embassy cat.

Fourteen further packages have been sent to targets in Greece and across Europe in recent days – possibly from Yemen – or somewhere else acting as one of al Qaeda’s myriad global bases – with Greece responding to the threat by halting all deliveries of mail – providing postmen with a surprise vacation from their daily labours.

The latest package, addressed to the Hobbit French President Nicolas Sarkozy, was blown up outside the DHL office in Athens after reports said it had been returned by staff at the French Embassy who claimed it was ticking and they had no record of anyone ordering a clock.
A second parcel self-detonated when Ms Fellattia Titwank, working as a sorter at the UPS courier company became suspicious of the contents and threw it through a third floor window – where it exploded in a dumpster killing a family of homeless pikey immigrants.

Among the targets of the earlier packages were the German Chancellor Manky Angela Merkel and Italian Prime Minister Slimey Silvio Corruptioni.
Hmmm, obviously a well thought out plan of attack - as though any world leaders are likely to open the packages themselves. Makes one think who’s organizing this false flag terrorist scenario? Wiley T Coyote or Wallace and Gromet?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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