US ‘Nam Policies Rekindled for Afghan Snafu

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Copycatting a page from history and the notoriously farcical (and ultimately disastrous) ‘pacification’ effort in South Vietnam, where peasant villages were napalmed and raised to the ground to save them from the Gook Spook communists, President O’Barmy’s troop surge for Operation Everlasting Warfare in Afghanistan has been secretly blowing up thousands of homes and levelling huge portions of the Afghan mountainsides – in the hope of leaving the mythical Al Qaeda - and the Taliban Dan Gang – with nowhere to hide.

Since Mr Hope & Change (the Kenyan-cuckoo Nobel Peace Prize awardee currently squatting in the US White House’s Oval Office) dispatched forty thousand U.S. troops to reinforce the depleted ranks of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade – the GI forces have surged into southern Afghanistan to secure the endangered opium crops before the Taliban’s mad hatter religious zealots could burn them and make a total fuck up of the CIA’s 2011 black op’s budget source.

General Billy Bob Betrayeus, leader of the US-led illegal army of occupation, while still not speaking to Rolling Stone magazine, did stick his chicken-hawk neck out and confide to one embedded journalist from the Warmongers Gazette “If we can’t beat these guys fair an’ square I intend to turn the whole fuckin’ place into a parking lot an’ we’ll level every fuckin’ thing here and kill every heathen prick old enough to bleed.”
“Hey, WTF – it didn’t work then in Vietnam and it probably ain’t gonna work now either – but when you’re slap bang out of new ideas then any old rehashed shit has just gotta be tried again.”

Conversely, coming in for a staccato round of criticism, Shah Winnebago Chuckabutty, the district governor of Bellend Province, one of the ‘scorched earth’ zones, informed the gutter press "In the Shit al Cesspit district every one of the two hundred homes was flattened by salvoes of missiles – then these running dog NATO barbarians came with big bulldozers and demolished our nice mountains and all the caves. Now we have no slopes to ski down in winter – or caves to hide and shag goats in private.”

Regardless of objections from locals for having their homes destroyed, the Pentagon disingenuously asserts that they received orders from President Hamid Kami-Karzai’s government in Kabul to evict the peasants and demolish their hovels as no-one had paid the rent since NATO invaded in 2001.

The Pentagon’s original murderous rampage and terror campaign of ‘pacification’ began over forty years ago against South Vietnamese villages, in areas that were considered to be less than enthusiastic concerning the presence of the US invaders and thus by that illogical rule were then construed as being sympathetic towards the Viet-Cong resistance forces.

In Vietnam, as per today in Afghanistan, the Yankee bunglers used much of the same kind of statement of position – “We had to destroy them to make them safe" - which never came close to sufficing as an actual explanation as to what it would practically achieve – which turned out to be zilch.

Regardless of General Betrayeus’ counter-insurgency strategy containing a smattering of diplomatic crap such as winning the hearts and minds of the peasants in Afghanistan’s poverty stricken villages, it’s all purely for public consumption and to provide the complicit corporate-owned media with some grist to make the US look good.
Hearts and minds besides, the Pentagon’s policy is clear and one of aggression – “When you’ve got them by the balls then their hearts and minds will follow.”

And that folks is the underlying strategy position of the White House, and the politicians of both parties, that serves as a mask for the Pentagon’s campaign of systematic terror employed to subdue an occupied people – same as Iraq and anywhere else the Zionist military-industrial cabal pond scum get their meddling fingers into.

Do you live in Afghanistan’s Shit al Cesspit district? Has your house been demolished by the infidel US troops? Did your school and teachers get blown away by a MICLIC M58 Mine-Clearing Line Charge – or a pod of HIMARS missiles? Do you think parking fees will drop once the whole country’s flattened? Do you think Pres’ O’Barmy should have his Nobel Peace Prize confiscated for gross hypocrisy?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a family-sized ‘Nomad’s Delight’ camouflage tent.

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* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of Afghan villages were accidentally demolished.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the US and NATO and their illegal occupation of Afghanistan - and their New World Order.