Thursday, 11 November 2010

Amazon Slated for Hosting Paedo Guide

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A self-published guide giving advice to paedophiles, that is currently for sale through online retailer Amazon, has stirred up a shitload of controversy in the media and on the internet - with millions of normal, heterosexual folks and some very concerned parents around the globe threatening to boycott the website if the offending matter isn’t removed immediately – if not sooner.

The book, ‘The Paedophile's Guide to Kiddie Fiddling: a Child-Molester's Code of Conduct’ is published by Kindergarten Classics who are based in Scaberdeen, Scotland, and currently available on shelves at the city’s Ferryhill Pederasts Society Reading Rooms.

The author, Sheriff Genghis Buchanan, a local Freemason worthy and member of the Grumpian judiciary, devotes entire chapters, complete with illustrated anatomic sketches and full colour photos, to the seduction and buggery of marginalized and disabled ‘special needs’ minors – both male and female.

The ‘Paedo’s Guide’ also contains a foreword by Scaberdeen’s Chief Constable Jock McScrote – himself a budding author whose ‘The Kilt: What Lies Beneath - A Guide to Highland Cottaging’ was published by Fudgers & Scat last year.

In a product description to sell the book, author Buchanan frames it as an attempt to make paedophile situations safer for those child sex addicts that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for pederasts to follow – such as wear a mask – or strangle the victims to make sure you don’t get caught.

Scaberdeen - renown as the kiddie fiddling capital of Scotland since the Hollie Greig sexual abuse case finally hit the alternative media headlines earlier this year – is a latter-day potpourri of Sodom and Gomorrah - now twinned with Babylon due the population’s worship at the altar of Mammon and devotion to ritual Satanic sacrifices.

One of the city’s many weird by-laws that makes it a ‘Paedo’s Paradise’ is a statute declaring it a criminal offence to report the disgusting activities of the august members of officialdom comprising the ranks of the paedophile rings that infest the Doggers Wood area to the police – or report the legions of cases of child sex abuse either.

Transgressions of these rules have led to distraught mothers thrown into mental hospitals for their efforts to protect their endangered progeny from sexual predators and seek the prosecution of the offending establishment figures - and too the children’s concerned uncles murdered by Scaberdeen Council’s Assisted Suicide Department for threatening to post their names on Paedo-File – the online ‘name n shame’ pederast expose website.

However Scaberdeen has now established a reputation for child molesting notoriety that isn’t going to go away without an ample gaggle of the ranking guilty getting prosecuted for their sadistic sins – especially since the Edinburgh-based gypsy agony aunt Granny Angiolini – author of ‘Online Kiddie Grooming for Dummies’ argued on both the Fuckbook and Twatter social networking websites that paedophiles are misunderstood and purports to offer advice to help them avoid getting caught.

Conversely this is not the first occasion that Amazon has become mired in controversy over book titles and content – as per instanced last December when they were slammed by the FBI for marketing on the ‘Christmas favourites’ bourse “Dexter Morgan’s Guide to Serial Killing: How to be a Successful Homicidal Maniac”.

One whistle-blower deep inside the Amazon order and dispatch department has leaked documents to Ox-Rat, the snitch and grasser social watchdog charity, that several thousand orders for Genghis Buchanan’s “The Paedophile's Guide to Kiddie Fiddling: a Child-Molester's Code of Conduct” have been placed by the Vatican and a legion of Catholic priests.

Meanwhile, Amazon spokeswoman Fellattia Titwank, told one reporter from the Doggers Wood Review that while the company did not promote criminal acts it also avoided censorship like the plague, so as not to lose out on valuable profits from controversial printed matter that might be classed as an aid to masturbation but sells like Richard Desmond’s glossy porn’ mag’s.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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