Monday, 1 November 2010

Neo-Cons Target Yemeni Postal Service

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A gamut of Harem Scarem Western intelligence (sic) services, acting on rumours circulated by the US Department of Homeland Insecurity and the Central Paranoia Agency – boosted with further disingenuous gossip originating from Tel Aviv and circulated via the Washington-based SITE Institute (Search for International Terrorist Entities Institute) - a private ultra-Zionist hate-mongering cowboy outfit run by Israeli citizen and Mossad operative Rita Katz – this weekend triggered security alerts across the expanse of the known Universe, which resulted in the discovery of explosive-type substances concealed in parcels posted in the yacky Yemen by agents provocateurs working for the non-existent Al Qaeda - and marked ‘Happy Halloween to the Great Satan’.

In the early hours of Friday morning the shit hit the fan at the UK’s East Midlands airport after a little bird whispered in someone’s ear that a suspicious package was aboard a UPS cargo plane that had arrived from Dubai. A security cordon was put in place around the aircraft then lifted after nothing more suspicious than a couple of pikey refugee stowaways were found frozen to the cargo hold hatch cover.

In glaring coincidence, at precisely 09:00 hours local time, a suspect package was found on a FedEx plane in Dubai by hysterical and salivating bomb sniffer dogs. The parcel, from a certain Mr Al Qaeda in Yemen, and addressed to a Mr Mustapha Jihad in Washington, was opened by bomb disposal specialists and discovered to contain PETN explosive disguised as Afghan brand ‘Woof Chunks spicy yak jerky chew bars’.

At 06:30 hours BST the security cordon was reinstated at the East Midlands airport, apparently after stupid security guards were informed by MI6’s Agent Scumberg that they had searched the wrong cargo container for the ‘suspicious package’. A second search of the UPS aircraft was initiated and quickly discovered a brown paper parcel with the words ‘Epsom Printer Cartridges’ crossed out and the word ‘BOMB’ written on the attached customs declaration label in hi-viz yellow marker ink.

As the plot continued to thicken, with lots of gossip and slanderous innuendo clogging the spy communications frequencies later that day, United Emirates Flight 201 from Yemen via Dubai landed at JFK airport, New York, escorted by a squadron of US fighter jets – the very same aircraft that failed to get their arses off the tarmac on 9/11. The plane’s cargo was reported to be carrying packages from Yemen which were suspected of containing nuclear materials - if not an actual ‘dirty bomb’.

FBI spokeswoman Zonah O’chel Batachat, speaking with gutter press hacks outside the Gay Edgar Hoover Building in the Big Bad Apple, told one journalist from the False Flag Gazette that two suspect packages from the Yemen were discovered in the plane’s cargo hold – one found to contain a Muslim prayer rug irradiated with plutonium dust, and the other a personalised inflatable Teleprompter contaminated with anthrax spores. Both packages were reportedly addressed to a certain President Barky O’Barmy – one c/o the Kenyan Embassy in Washington DC - with a second c/o the Shifty Shylock Synagogue and Fudgers Bathhouse on Faggot Street in Chicago.

In response to this discovery at JFK by the Federal Bureau of Incompetence, the kikester-controlled FedEx office in Dubai informed the media it had confiscated a US-bound suspect package sent from Yemen which contained explosives disguised as Mr Kipling mince pie filler and bore the hallmarks of a typical Al-Qaeda smuggling operation.

The parcel contained Femtex – an explosive favoured by lesbian Muslim suicide bombers – and the same material that failed to explode in another false flag Muslim terrorist bombing on a plane to the US last Christmas when the Nigerian stooge Mohammed al Patsy, who once reportedly worked part-time at a branch of the Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket at Sana’a in Yemen, got onto a plane in Amsterdam without a passport – or a ticket – or a boarding pass - and attempted to set fire to his skiddies over Detroit.
FedEx have since announced they are suspending further flights to the rogue Islamic state of Yemen until all Muslims convert to Christianity and Pakistan surrender their nuclear weapons arsenal to US forces.

Once the ‘cry wolf’ shock and awe alarmist damage was done, all other FedEx cargo and commercial airline passenger flights landing in the US received the all-clear – excepting one BA flight from London to New York which was surrounded by gung-ho troops and a SWAT team as a precautionary measure - to scare the passengers shitless and create a sensational ‘foiled terrorist attack’ media event.

Never one to miss an opportunity to win a few political brownie points and further demonise Islam, President Barky O’Barmy stood at his teleprompter with lips trembling as he announced to anyone dumb enough to listen to his disingenuous blather that “Terrorist propaganda specialists are treating this latest false flag operation as a very serious and credible threat to our Democratic way of life and the bonuses of our Wall Street banksters.”
"Although we are still pursuing all the facts, we’re certain the packages originated in Yemen and that Al-Qaeda continues to plan attacks against our homeland, our citizens and Baron Rothshite’s good buddies in Israel.”

The UK’s Home Secretary Theresa Maybe told reporters from the red top tabloids that experts were trying to establish whether the package found at the East Midlands airport was a viable explosive device – or a Simnel cake with a generous marzipan topping. She further confided that an MI6 officer responsible for intelligence gathering in Yemen had received a tip-off about the dodgy package from a good mate of his who worked for Mossad in Tel Aviv.

She closed her statement by adding that the discovery of these various explosive devices, now confirmed by Saudi Arabian intelligence (sic) to have been dispatched by al-Qaeda Jolly Jihad agents in the Yemen, strengthened the argument for NATO invading the Third World shithole.

However, military forensic beardies and anoraks in the UK have been continuing to study the substances found in the parcel marked BOMB to try to fathom precisely what ratios a pack of Aunt Betty’s Yorkshire Pudding mix and a box of Mary Baker Christmas cake ingredients were to be blended to create a volatile explosive substance – and further to the point - how the fuck it was supposed to be detonated.

Regardless, the Libservative coalition PM, Posh Dave Scameron, a paid up member of the Friends of Israel and latter day ultra-Zionist in the fashion of Arthur Balfour, was up and ready to play his part, a la Tony Bliar style, in promoting this latest Islamic terror threat and kick starting another ‘let’s demonise the Muslims’ campaign, by declaring to anyone daft enough to pay attention, that the device found at the East Midlands airport on board the UPS cargo plane was designed to go off on the aircraft and kill all the other parcels on board.

Conversely the United Arab Emirates Civil Aviation Authority has cast a definite damper on the Propaganda Plus scaremongering operation by rejecting claims that a US-bound Emirates' flight from Dubai contained "suspicious" parcels from Yemen.
Furious Emirati authorities spit the dummy and declared for the public record that Flight 201 carried no suspicious cargo from Yemen as claimed by the US-Canadian military agency NORAD – and in fact carried zero cargo from Yemen whatsoever.
To further piss on the US black propaganda bonfire, Mohammed al Shitt, the Air Cargo Director for Yemenia Airways, informed the Kikesters Review that "No UPS cargo plane has left Yemen this last week, so these purposely concocted accusations are false and baseless. No doubt time will prove, as always, that the false flag black hand of Mossad is involved here once again."

One editorial in the Scaremongers Weekly Review comments that this latest attempted bomb attack is meant to underscore fears about the security threat from Yemen, where the non-existent al-Qaeda is taking advantage of weak government, wild geography and huge political social and economic problems that have no clear solutions. Well, no clear solutions without a spot of US military intervention – which President O’Barmy has already hinted at euphemistically – boosting the US military presence and role in the Yemen – by conducting an all-out invasion.

Seriously, why bother pissing around with excuses – just invade the fucking place. Yemen was the location of the old British Empire base of Aden, vital for control of the Gulf of Aden, and access to and from the Red Sea and Suez Canal.
Alas, these latter day neo-colonialists out to establish their Zionist empire might well be superbly arrogant and yet by the same rule are butter-fingers clumsy. They’re drunk on their own illusory power and importance on the world stage – and wholly transparent.

Somewhat conveniently, security forces in Yemen arrested a female medical student, Ms Fatima al Patsy, who they suspect of posting the Woof Chunks yak jerky and cake mix bombs found on the UPS and FedEx cargo jets in Dubai and the UK.
Ms al Patsy was traced through a phone number left with the air cargo companies. Her mother and pet goldfish Wally were also detained.
Following several bouts of extraordinary rendition which included waterboarding and three-hole gang rape, Ms al Patsy admitted she was a self-harming masochist who purposely left copies of her national ID card and photo and her residence phone number with both air cargo companies so she would get caught and become a martyr – regardless of the fact she has no known links to Islamist militants and was obviously the victim of identity theft.

Regardless, Pres’ O’Barmy's top Panic Provoking czar and shit-stirrer Seymour Weaselstein told one reporter from the False Flag Gazette that "We now know that all these bombs discovered over the weekend were built by the same man who cobbled together the non-exploding device used in the underpants bomb attack over Detroit on Christmas Day - a Saudi-born bomb-maker named Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer - a closet Christian Baptist who works for al-Qaeda in the Yemen.”

“We here running the United States government are not assuming that the attacks were disrupted and will remain vigilant - plus we intend to bomb a whole shitload of weddings and funerals across both Afghanistan and Pakistan – and maybe Yemen as well - this coming week as a preventive measure, and just to let these guys know we’re onto them."

Seymour Weaselberg, director of the UK’s Shylock Safety Trust, issued a timely ‘Victims’ clarion call by informing the Nekeshers Gazette that Britain's Jewish communities were already on heightened alert and urged them to take even more stringent measures to protect against the possibility of a Muslim terrorist attack by converting to Christianity.

Have you received any parcels from relatives in Yemen? Were any of the parcels addressed to your local synagogue? Did your Christmas mince pies go ‘Bang!’ in the oven? Have you installed the latest of Bid TV’s ‘Panic Button’ alarms in your home to alert you to impending terrorist attacks? Are you undergoing psychiatric counselling for chronic paranoia brought on by the government’s ‘Be Very Afraid’ scaremongering tactics?

Send us your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a life-sized replica set of the Georgia Guidestones – complete with profane graffiti – for your garden – plus a working 1/5 scale model of the Niagara Falls as the perfect water feature for your back garden.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of slanderous innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Zionist criminal neo-con kikesters running the military-industrial cartels (Banks, Armaments, Big Pharma, Oil n Gas, GMO foodstuffs) that control the global political machines and hence governments - and their already accursed New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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