Dubya Pens ‘Imbecile Diaries’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The autobiography of ex-US President George Dubya Bush – ‘The Moron Memoirs’ - in which the delusional prat attempts to portray himself as an elder statesman - is being serialised in the Times this week after the Beano and Dandy kid’s comics refused to be involved with the publication of such a perfidious and nonsensical piece of work – and informed reporters from the gutter press “Who in their right mind wants to read the disingenuous crap that psychopathic cretin has cobbled together with some ghost writer. It’s going to be yet another load of old bollocks - just like Tony Bliar’s recently-published volume of perjurious porky pies.”

In the book, the obnoxious Bush - who clocks up a top-end reading of 10+ on the international Scumometer scale, and is now widely recognised as a person with severe learning difficulties - reveals with his customary brazen hubris that he ordered the torture of Muslim prisoners in an effort to extract information they didn’t have when his ‘War on Terror’ started running short of that one vital ingredient to keep it going: ‘Terror’.

Interviewed by Billy Bob Weaselberg on CNN’s ‘Homicidal Maniacs’ programme, Bush skirted around and over questions concerning the real reasons for invading Afghanistan– simply stating “It was considered necessary” - which might suffice as a statement of position, but not as a realistic and convincing explanation – then concluding “Looks like that place is gonna turn out jest like Iraq - another Groundhog Day - without the happy ending.”

Conversely he defended his decision to invade Iraq, saying Iraqi citizens are better off without a shit-for-brains leader like Saddam Hussein, whom Bush referred to as a homicidal dictator.
Bush related he still gets a sickening feeling in the pit of his guts when anarchist types shout at him in the street “Where’s the WMD’s then Dubya?”- referencing the failure to find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq – only weapons of mass ‘distraction’. “No shit – we knew Saddam had some cos Donald Bumsfeld was the one who set up the sale in Baghdad back in December 1983, when he was Ronnie Reagan’s special envoy. Don sold Saddam a whole shitpile of our chemical and bio-weapons to use on them Kurd separatist guys.”

While labelling as a conspiracy theory fantasy the fact that a bunch Mossad’s hi-fiving hatchet men were behind the 9/11 attacks and not the non-existent al Qaeda, Bush sought to glorify himself by diverting the topic of conversation to how British lives were saved through the use of information ‘extracted’ from terrorist suspects (along with their fingernails and teeth) by "waterboarding".
“God-damn, and the good Lord told me straight in answer to my prayers “Go ahead there George – do what ya have to” – so I authorised that there extraordinary rendition stuff to make em talk.”

Well, by gum, now there’s a quaint piece of Hegelian dialectic for you. If Dubya’s sanctioning the torture of suspected Muslim terrorists saved British lives then the same ruling must apply and indemnify the Roman Catholic Church and their Grand Inquisition - who saved countless British lives – and too an additional cosmopolitan multitude of lives - by burning heretic Satanist witches at the stake – hence they could no longer cast their foul curses on anyone who incurred their wrath.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.