Vatican Launder Money for God

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Ex-Hitler Youth miscreant Joey Ratflinger, now charged with caretaking the Vatican and elevated to the rank of Pontiff in the name of Pope Benny, the Mk XVI German built-to-last model, fed reporters a deceptive line of hypocritical BS spin this week when stating that the Catholic Church is not a profit-making machine – in a feeble attempt to counter money-laundering charges targeting the Holy See.

“We are no longer a centre of production, we are not an enterprise built for profit. We have outsourced all that kind of thing to Brazil, Mexico and the Philippines. Now we are a church” - was the core of Pope Benny’s wholly disingenuous remarks to a reporter from the El Shitraker national daily news broadsheet. 'We are a community of people who live in the faith – to serve God. The goal is not to create a product or to have success in sales” – wholly overlooking the Jesuit credo of “Show me the boy at 7 years old and I will show you the man.”

Benny further ignored, via the practiced facility of selective memory, the fact that the Vatican was founded as a social engineering cum population mass control and domination mechanism by the Pio family – and over the last 2,000 years run for tax-free gain and dividend through the fear of excommunication and eternal damnation (with the promise of everlasting life if you did as you were told for three score and ten) and for profit via benefices and simony – plus the application of intimidation to secure bequeathments of property (aka ordained land-grabs) – with outright extortion through the offices of the Grand Inquisition.

Much to the Holy See’s chagrin – and minor embarrassment - in September Italy's financial police seized 23 zillion euros from the Vatican Bank during the process of investigating the wholesale violation of money-laundering regulations, with the Vatican strongly denying any wrongdoing – claiming the undeclared cash came from the offertory plates.

Hmmm, what a team of forensic bean counters it would take to be tasked with indexing the Roman Catholic Church’s portfolio of currency accounts, bullion certificates, global investments and assets. The largest single landowners on Earth – and such would make Croesus look like a pauper.

A pity Pope Benny chose to ignore mention of the sore thumb fiscal dealings of the 1980’s, and the heinous scandals involving Archbishop Paul Casimir Marcinkus, the crooked American President of the Vatican Bank, whose dodgy tenure ran from 1971 through 1989.

Marcinkus’ reign involved Roberto Calvi, known as God's banker because of his close ties to the Holy See / Vatican, who was found hanging from Blackfriars Bridge, central London due his intimate knowledge of what linked the Mafia, the P2 Freemasons and the Vatican in an international arms dealing / drug running / money laundering scam.

Alas, while we’d all like to believe Benny’s spin – that the Holy See is nigh on broke – they always seems to be able to find a stash of ready cash to pay off the legions of child sex abuse victims, sodomised by their kiddie fiddling paedo’ priests.

Sorry Benny, we don’t believe you could tell the truth to save your rotten Nazi soul – and as the old adage goes: Jesus saves – but the Vatican invests.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.