Transvestite Soccer Nuns Deported

The shit-for-brains transvestite British members of a Smegmashire football club, who were arrested while dressed and posing as nuns in Crete, are back in the UK.

The men said they were - embarrassment besides - relieved to be home after arriving at Smegmadale Sands International Airport under the cover of darkness.

Seventeen members and former members of the Friendly Faggot Athletics Soccer Club were arrested and held for three days by Greek police, and then taken to court in Malia still wearing their Catholic penguin fancy dress outfits and saucy lingerie.

They were accused of misrepresenting a uniform and taking the piss out of the Catholic faith but the charges were dropped and the case dismissed after the Malian judge, clerk of the court and entire jury were unable to stop laughing at the defendants.

The men found themselves facing charges of "causing a scandal by provocative acts - and misrepresenting a uniform" when the religiously-themed costumes caused a stir on the predominately Greek Orthodox Catholic island.

Club chairman Arthur ‘Call me Dolores’ McScrunt said: "We're very relieved to be home. The prison facilities were horrendous and they stuck us in a male community cell with several convicted rapists and sodomites - still dressed in our fetish convent gear.”

Fortunately the British embassy in Athens heard of their plight and diplomatic staff visited the prison in Malia for a bit of a laugh with the Thomas Cook tour operators, and secured their release and repatriation – albeit with a Crete court order in force that the team had to travel back to the UK in their nun’s habits in what was viewed a fitting punishment for offending the Catholic sensibilities of Malia’s inhabitants.

Speaking to Pox News from Crete on Tuesday the 96-year old McScrunt strongly denied any of the party was on drugs at the time.

“We were all slightly pissed up from the beer-swilling session perhaps and it was definitely poor judgement on our parts to show a leg and do a quick flash for the patrolling police car while wearing the sexy convent gear.”
“It was all okay until one of the cops stuck his hand up Big Frank’s habit and felt a pair of hairy bollocks – that’s when they called back up forces and arrested us.”

The men were taking part in their annual trip, started in the 1960s by the Monday Club league team, which raises funds for the Smegmadale-based charity ‘Sexually-Confused’.

In previous years the team members have dressed up as St Trinian's schoolgirls in Portugal, luscious ladyboys on their Bangkok tour, as Hula dancers while in Hawaii and garbed in full burkhas on a Dubai visit – where two team members were buggered by randy Tuaregs.

For the past several years the Crete seaside resort of Malia has become synonymous with Britons behaving badly and it has been awarded the dubious "Asbo party central" crown previously held by rowdy resorts such as Baghran in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province and Somalia’s riotous centre of buccaneering revelry – Manky Mogadishu.