Sunday, 10 May 2009

Vet's Quids-In from Dumpty Doggy Diets

A six-month old pup underwent emergency surgery after eating an entire alphabet of fridge magnets.
Wuffie had just returned home from a ‘no-nuts’ operation on Thursday evening and was left in his basket in the kitchen to sleep off the anaesthetic, and ate the magnets overnight.

The Albanian Pikey Rathound was taken to an RSPCA' charity hospital in Smegmadale by his owner the next morning - with several steel kitchen utensils hanging from his underside.

Owner Emma McDork told a reporter from the Fridge Magnet Review that Wuffie had undergone a ‘neutering’ operation that afternoon as a ‘final solution’ to cure his embarrassing propensity for shagging people’s legs.

“Wuffie woz all sleepy like after ‘avin’ ‘is bollocks chopped off so I left ‘im in the kitchen. Anyways, next mornin’ I comes down an’ all me grand-daughter’s plastic alphabet magnets ‘ad gone off the fridge door – an’ Wuffie’s stood there like wiv spoons an’ forks an’ shit ‘angin’ off ‘is tummy. The little bugger woz like that bloke in X-Men : Mr. Magneto.”

Veterinary surgeon Angus Scrunt told a reporter from ABC News that he had removed thirty one pieces of alphabet fridge magnets from Wuffie’s stomach – five more than the usual alphabetical composition of twenty-six – which apparently were all extra vowels.

Yet another nutty canine had to have life-saving surgery after he swallowed a number of rocks - mistaking them for ‘doggie treats’.

When Bonkers, an Irish coarse-haired Numptyhound began to make rattling noises, then sank while swimming in the local park’s duckpond, his owner took him to the pet clinic where an X-ray revealed the rubble in his stomach.

Vets removed two dozen golf ball-sized stones which Bonkers had scoffed while playing fetch with his owner Candida Muffitch on the pebbled beach at Smegmadale-on-Sea.

"This was really unusual. Dogs will eat anything but the sheer amount of stones inside Bonkers shocked everyone here. When your dog starts rattling you know something is seriously wrong,” veterinarian Lucy Ratstamper informed a journalist from the Silly Pets Gazette.

Claude Scrunt of Kinksford told a reporter from the BD/SM Review that his pedigree Fetish hound, Pervy has eaten around forty pairs of ladies knickers over the past twelve months.
However the latest two pairs of crotchless leather pussy-huggers belonging to Mr. Scrunt’s bit-on-the-side, Feral Beryl, became lodged in the dog's small intestine.

By the time Beryl discovered her undergarments were missing, Pervy the Fetish hound could no longer drink, eat or move properly.

Being aware of Pervy’s addiction for pussy-flavoured pantie snacks Mr. Scrunt took him directly to the RSPCA clinic where a vet fed the kinky canine a massive dose of laxative wrapped in a pair of edible rice paper knickers, then hit the other end of the chronically-constipated pooch with an industrial strength soapy pressure wash enema.

The resulting messy anal eruption brought forth both pairs of Beryl’s leather kex – unfortunately chewed – and semi-digested - beyond redemption.

Cost of doggy laxative and extreme enema - £1,000.
The look on Beryl’s face when handed her shit-stained knickers back – a Polaroid moment : effin’ Priceless.

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