Friday, 29 May 2009

ADHD Drug Enhances Breast Size – in MEN !

The Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder drug Risperdal used to treat ADHD children is causing grave concern in the United States.

Risperdal, manufactured by pharma’ giant Numpty Drug, is supposed to be used primarily for adults with severe psychological problems – such as members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, certified nutters and sectioned headbangers.

Last year alone it was prescribed more than seven million times by doctors who get a kickback from Numpty Drug for boosting the product’s sales – for such medical maladies as acute bat-ears syndrome, chronic rhubarb addiction, IBS, and, in one instance, an ingrowing foreskin.

However, negative side effects include young males developing female sex organs – breasts and vulvas – with their willies withering away and dropping off.

Nineteen-year-old Dorothy (formerly Billy Bob) of Fort Worthless, Texas, was just seven when he began taking Risperdal for ADHD.

Even though the FDA approved the drug only for adult patients who were raving lunatics, Billy Bob’s doctor and other corrupt quacks widely prescribed it to kids for less severe behaviour problems due the attractive payolas it generated – Hawaiian vacations, honorary doctorates and research grants.

Speaking to the medical correspondent from the Cormorant Stranglers Gazette, Billy Bob’s mom revealed that once he started taking Risperdal he became aggressive, sleepy, developed severe flatulence problems and appeared more stupid than usual.
“The biggest shock came when he was thirteen and started developing breasts and asked me if he was really a girl. That was when he decided he wanted to be called Dorothy.”

It turned out that Risperdal increases the production of a hormone called prolactin, which stimulates breast growth – a condition known as gynecomastia which is irreversible.

With big pharma corrupting doctors to prescribe any old shit by enticing them with attractive allurements, Risperdal and other so-called “atypical anti-psychotics” have exploded in use.

Hundreds of thousands of kids have been prescribed Risperdal in the 14 years it has been on sale – long before the perfidious FDA actually approved it for paediatric use in 2006.

Conversely Billy Bob (Dorothy) and most of the other children were not psychotic at all, but were given Risperdal for behaviour disorders as mundane as not handing school homework in on time.

Attorney Sheldon Slimeberg is suing Risperdal manufacturer Numpty Drug in a class action suit for those adversely affected like Dorothy.
Slimeberg claims Numpty Drug marketed Risperdal for unapproved uses in male children and downplayed serious side effect risks like diabetes, epileptic seizures – and growing tits.

Fellatia van der Gobble, a spokeswoman for Numpty Drug, refused to give an interview but told reporters from the tabloid gutter press that the breast growth risk is “clearly stated in the FDA-approved” labelling on the Risperdal packs - in Arial font 0:02 micro-print.

The emotional trauma caused by Risperdal in Billy Bob’s (Dorothy’s) case has adversely affected the entire family.
Father, Billy Bob Senior, walked out on them declaring “I ain’t fathered no faggot son with tits!”

Elder sister Peggy Spew, previously a pro' cheer leader for the Fort Worthless Rednecks football team, claims her debilitating liquorice sherbet addiction is directly attributable to the negative psychological impact of ‘Dorothy’ having bigger boobs than her 38CC’s.

As for ‘Dorothy’ herself, she simply wants to get married, settle down and have children – and is fascinated by the prospect of breast feeding.

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