Friday, 8 May 2009

M & S Admits ‘Boob’ Over Bra Pricing

UK High Street ‘Snob Shop’ Marks and Sparks has agreed to end its policy of charging more for larger bras after a campaign by female customers with mega-mammaries.

The store took out an advert in this morning’s edition of the Daily Shitraker newspaper admitting it had "boobed" and promised to standardise prices across the entire range of cup sizes.

The "Knockers for Justice" campaign was led by 36GG bra size Blingie McScrunt, a 17-year-old mother of three - whose ‘Melon Tits’ Facebook group attracted more than 300,000 big boob supporters.

Marks and Sparks had added an extra £2 to bras larger than a DD cup on the grounds that they had more tit to cover.
However, as a goodwill gesture, the store group is now offering a 25% discount on any bra - in any size - until the end of the month.

Ms. McScrunt, a part-time lap dancer from Smegmadale-on-Sea, was so angry that she bought a £3.40 share in Marks and Sparks to allow her to confront chairman Sir Darcy Pillock at the store group's next annual general meeting in July.

She labelled the surcharge as typical Shylock profiteering while certain anarchist militant members of her Facebook group suggested burning down every M & S High Street branch throughout the country as a form of protest.

Marks and Sparks initially maintained bigger-busted customers should be happy to pay a small premium for the specialist Kevlar tailoring work needed to ensure a suitable level of quality support so their tits didn’t flop out a la Janet Jackson style each time they stretched their arms above their heads.

But following a board meeting earlier this week the company backed down and reversed its earlier stance.
M & S spokeslut Fellatia van der Gobble told the press "We've heard what our customers are telling us : that they are unhappy with the pricing on our 'Big Bristols’ range of bras and that basically we've ‘boobed’.

"So from this Saturday no matter what size you buy, the price is going to be the same – if you have fried eggs or telephones."
(Apparently ‘fried eggs’ refers to a virtual flat chest coined as ‘more than a handful’s wasted’ whereas ‘telephones’ is a male slang term for a pair of ‘chesticles’ so big you can have one in your mouth and one in your ear)

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