Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Warmongering = UK Job Security

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s Defence Minister, Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond, has announced the signing of an all-new £25 zillion quid contract to purchase a shitload of laser-guided smart bombs - under the pretext of securing hundreds of military industry jobs.

According to an article in this week’s copy of the Warmongers Gazette the fresh stockpiles of additional Paveway IV GPS / INS / laser-guided bombs – which were used to such devastating effect in the purposeful decimation of Libya’s infrastructure during the 2011 Operation Order-into-Chaos NATO military attacks – are designed for use with Tornado GR4 fighter jets as well as the JCA Typhoon F2 and F35 Lightning II aircraft deployed in Afghanistan on poppy crop guarding duties.

Hammond explained to press hacks that “This highly sophisticated UK-developed and manufactured weapon is the backbone of the RAF's precision bombing capability – and the contract will boost the MoD's weapon stocks ready for the planned NATO strikes on Syria, Lebanon and Iran in the New Year – and at the same time sustain hundreds of skilled jobs in the defence manufacturing sector in both Scotland and England.”

“So why, do I hear people ask, do we need to keep building lots more of the Paveway IV’s? Well, to be perfectly frank, one of the main problems with these munitions is the fact you can only use them once – there’s no scope for recycling with this type of explosive device after it’s blown some hapless Third World family to bits – along with their one-story hovel.”

“Okay, doubtless this order is going to attract lots of flack from anti-war and human rights and wrongs groups as per usual, but these people never get to see the ‘big picture’ like I do with being a cabinet minister and knowing what our foreign policy bosses in Tel Aviv and Washington are planning next.”

“Same with the old saw of ‘Why can’t we spend the money on building cars or fridges or Dyson vacuum cleaners or low cost houses instead?’ The answer to that one’s easy – because fridges, cars and vacuum cleaners don’t blow up when you drop then from a jet fighter onto some suspected Taliban hideout that’s disguised as an orphanage or school.”

“These conspiracy theorists and career whingers need to get a life and wake up to the fact that whichever government is in office has a first priority to look after the interests of the corporate donors that funded their successful election campaigns and dish out the juicy bribes and cosy directorships.”

“Of course a shadowy, para-governmental, trans-national entity exists and influences the political process - and none more so than the banksters, the armaments industry, and the Monsanto agro-chemical and Big Pharma corporations.”
“They’re our true House of Conmans constituents: the Fortune 500 company index – not these moronic common herd voters who don’t know shit from shinola – and our first priority is to represent their interests – and continue to lower the threshold for what justifies a declaration of war.”

Conversely Candida McSkanger, director of the Twat-Watch government abuse monitor charity, informed media hacks “So we have the arms industry being presented with yet another job security blessing from on high and Raytheon Systems contracted to turn out another 1,600 Paveway IV LGB’s just ordered by the MoD.”

“They might well be cheaper by the dozen, but at £50,000 quid apiece the Paveway is still a very expensive firework – especially so when you consider what Hamas’ Gaza Gangsters can do with their Qassam rockets, cobbled together out of old drainpipes and loaded with weed killer and sugar – yet still have the Israeli Defence Forces shitting kittens. Now that’s cost-effective warfare on a shoestring – the same as the Taliban do it.”

Thought for the day. Hmmm, how did the UK become so embroiled with this Project for a New American Century – aka the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion? Is it some psychotic neo-colonial hang-up from Empire’s Day – or simply the fact we’re governed by a succession of morons bent on a continuance of ill-fated barbaric adventures of foreign aggression?
So much for Mother Nature’s flawed experiment with ‘intelligence’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Can just imagine that clown Hammond justifying the expenditure on the bombs by the fact they're not recyclable and blow up after being dropped from a fighter jet.