Saturday, 15 December 2012

Bercow Slapper Sued by McAlpen

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Speaking to a press hack from the Litigators Gazette last Friday morning, Sue Fleecem, acting solicitor for the Swiss-Irish breakfast cereal tycoon Lord Alfie McAlpen, revealed she was disappointed that some rotten twat had let the cat out of the bag and the legal proceedings filed against Sally ‘Gobshite’ Bercow for libelling her client had become public knowledge, with all manner of wild rumours now circulating the moronic ranks of the common herd.

"I am still hopeful we can reach a sensible agreement to settle this matter involving Speaker Bercow’s silly slapper of a wife, without the need to file formal proceedings for libel and proceed to a trial where its going to cost her what banksters refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ in legal costs - and a £50,000 quid settlement to assuage my client’s fragile and aggrieved sensibilities."

Following programmes on both ITV’s ever-popular primetime ‘Spot the Paedo Hour’ and the BBC’s Newshite – neither of which actually named McAlpen as the Tory cabinet member responsible for buggering scores of children – the piranha-fanged Mrs Bercow suffered another of her blonde moments and yet again failed to engage brain before opening mouth – only this time around tweeting “Why is Lord Muesli Bar trending – with a shit-eating grin (*smarmy paedo twat*).”

Then the crap hit the proverbial fan with Alfie McAlpen launching a barrage of high powered legal types armed with writs for slander and libel – claiming the last thing he ever buggered was a sheep in the Lake District during his juvenile boy scouting days – and he’d never even met any dodgy kiddie fiddling BBC DJs named Jimbo Savile nor accompanied them – or other Tory cabinet members – on excursions to a North Wales orphanage where he is claimed to have handed out nutty breakfast bars to little boys if they shook hands with his one-eyed trouser snake.

Bercow, she with the IQ of a small potted plant, informed the media that she’s now appointed the notorious litigative scumbag solicitors Crater-Ffuck to act on her behalf – adding “Really, I can’t understand why Lord McAlpen’s so upset with my simple tweet about him sexually abusing a few sprogs in a care home when half of Whitehall and Parliament are at it – fudging or kiddie fiddling. I could always send my niece round to give him a suck n swallow blow job - she’s 13 and got hair she can sit on - and a right little skanger too - if that will put matters right and make this embarrassing libel case go away.”

Was it Lord Leveson who tweeted that Sally Bercow was a perfect candidate for the Liverpool Care Pathway treatment?

£50,000 quid - plus legal costs – is a mere drop-in-the-ocean to the Bercows. Doubtless the Speaker will bill it to the taxpayer – same as his display of ostentatious waste ‘coat of arms’ and official portrait. Really, austerity measure all round for the rest of the common herd. What a dog wanker – and fittingly wed to an even bigger tosspot - Sally.

Thought for the day. So, if Alfie McAlpen’s legal beagles put the frighteners on both the Beeb and ITV to pay him mega-bucks in damages for ‘not’ mentioning him by name, then surely he’s on a quids-in winner with Sally the Slapper who actually did.

Hmmm, anybody consider that as soon as the Savile scandal started to take off at a geometric rate and looked like achieving a politically destructive critical mass chain reaction when cabinet members started being branded as raving paedos dating back to Heath and Thatcher’s days – and before – then suddenly both the main goggle box stations fuck up royally and finger the wrong guy (sic) – and one doesn’t learn from the other’s mistake. Que? WTF?

Thus the entire paedo exposure campaign is a shambles and ‘wrong’ – a character assassination hit involving lots of nasty and vindictive ex-care home juveniles who were shown the wrong photos by numpty Welsh Plod Squad officers and have since evolved into nasty, vindictive middle aged drop-outs with a bent for capitalising on the Savile scandal and raking in a few bob in compo’ payouts.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Fletch said...

Brill piece of piss-taking. Rusty does it again - spit my coffe out then the corn flakes went up my nose.