Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Queen’s Xmas Speech Goes Hi-Tech 3D

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Yes, 3:00pm sharp this afternoon, let’s all be good little sheeple and gather around the goggle box, wearing our silly specs, to watch and listen as HRH Queen Brenda delivers her annual ‘Shock n Awe’ Christmas speech in genuine 3D Hypocrisy Vision - and jumps out from the screen at us in her finest knitted two-piece and bling, rabbiting on about Peace on Earth as she sends greetings to all our ‘heroes’ battling away against the toxic Taliban in Afghanistan to guard the Socal gas pipeline and money-spinning opium poppy crops.

Doubtless there’ll be a covert blessing for the sneaky special forces from 22nd SAS’s Credenhill Barracks in Hereford, slogging away over the festive season holiday with a cadre of the Great Satan’s Delta and DEVGRU grunts, doing their bit to help the mercenary Salafist rebel forces turn order into chaos with Israeli chemical weapons and overthrow Syria’s semi-legitimate Assad government - then install a pro-Western stooge ready to obey the Rothshite crime syndicate’s bidding and get the Mid-East map redrawn in the Zionist Protocols image.

Plus there’ll be a hi-tech graphics presentation from Queen Brenda’s dog-wanker of a geriatric consort, the incontinent Prince Stavros of Edinburgh - who’s scheduled to do his reincarnation party trick and morph into the super-pestilent Virus Man – wiping out 90% of the world’s useless eating common herd with a single gust of his garlic kebab halitosis breath.

Old Stavros’s antics besides, the Queen’s high octane speech will bear a message that reflects on the Libservative Coalition’s concept of a Big Society and ‘Hoodie Hugging’ – and this year encompasses the theme of ‘togetherness’ – aimed not only at those hapless members of the national community that’ll be spending their Christmas starving or dehydrating to death in some shithole of an National Ill-Health Service Trust hospital – but now the scandal’s common knowledge, also the poor sprogs that will be getting groped and bummed by Tory Party cabinet ministers and the Beeb’s celebrity DJs in some pathetic social services excuse for a ‘children’s care home’ up in sheep shagging North Wales or Jersey – or Nonceland’s kiddie fiddling capital of Aberdeen.

Nor will Brenda be forgetting those locked behind bars (four to a cell) in one of ‘Her Majesty’s’ not-fit-for-purpose PFI-run prisons - or members of the gay community who were so recently chomping at the bit with an ecstatic enthusiasm, ready to walk hand in hand up the aisle and get hitched in the eyes of God– until the rotten bastard Church of England Bishops put their foot down with a firm hand and quoted passages from the Old Testament’s Book of Leviticus that condemns such ‘beast with two backs’ unions as an abomination and refused to extend the rites of holy matrimony to rug-munchers and fudging sodomites.

Doubtless ‘Queen Granny’ will be surrounded by the rest of her scrounging, parasitic clan of inbred bat-eared, slack-jawed mutants – and have a special word for her ginger mingin royal cuckoo of a grandson Prince Harry Hewitt, who this week made a name for himself in the annals of neo-imperialist aggression by being responsible for the murder of ranking Taliban leader Mohammed al Ka-Boom, commander of the Shaheed Semtex Vest Brigade in the Afghan patriot-infested Bellend Province – whom the royal ranga ‘Big H’ took out during a routine ‘troops in contact’ exercise with a barrage of Shitstreak missiles and .30mm cannon fire from his Apache gunship.

Not wishing to be outdone by an old blue-blooded reptilian biddy like Brenda, Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron - aka ‘the Grinch who fucked up Xmas with the welfare benefit cuts’ – decided to impress all the grownups and broadcast a traditional 2D season’s greetings message speech of his own outside Number Ten.
Here he resorted to quoting decaffeinated Biblical passages to a flock of bored paparazzi like some latter day tub-thumper – with New Testament verses aimed at paying tribute to Britain's armed forces and emergency services – and too making mention of our Team GB Olympics athletes and the Gimps with Limps who strived so hard in the Paralympics Hop, Step and Run event that won Britain a genuine, limited edition Pound Stretcher tea service.

Going into maudlin mode, ‘Flashman' confessed to being a sort of ‘half-arsed’ Christian – who became full of doubts on theological issues and same sex marriage due the dormitory gang rape traumas experienced during his public school years at Eton - plus getting repeatedly buggered by the arse bandit of a Chaplain, Rev ‘KY’ McFudger – but encouraged those members of society who did believe in a ‘higher power’ than the Libservative Coalition government to follow their own comfort zone delusions.

"The Gospel of St John tells us that this bloke Jesus was the light of all mankind, and that he came with grace, truth and love – which is more than we can say for Ed Millipede and his New Labour Party - and that Jesus was the Prince of Peace, but the ultra-orthodox Jews of the Sanhedrin declared him to be an oick and forced Pilate’s hand so the Romans crucified the Messiah for them. Typical of what these sodding Israelis still do today with their proxy stooges, I suppose.”

“Okay, I don’t want anyone to take that the wrong way as it wasn’t meant as some off-the-cuff anti-Semitic remark – so don’t start on how the Boycotts, Divestment and Sanctions campaign is kosher - as it isn’t. The problems over in Israel are the fault of the Palestinians for settling there in the first place as that’s the Promised Land, a present from Jehovah to his Chosen People – long before this Mohammad chap came along and started the Islamic religion.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice piece of Xmas satire - the Royals and twats like bully boy Flashman Dave leave themselves wide open and deserve all they get.