Eye of the Beholder: Blindfolds Verboten

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

An age-old maxim states that beauty is in the eye of the beholder – and legend claims this profound adage reflected the workings of a compassionate male’s classic Renaissance mind weighing the latent potential of a damsel’s heart and mind above her ‘warts and all’ outward broomstick merchant appearance - and most definitely not the muddled mental meanderings of some blubbering moron who would swear black was white in a trial by fire and stick one – or two - of his appendages into a tub of boiling fish puke just to add some faked semblance of provenance to a flawed political point.

Thus, switching to the subject of blubbering morons, the Tory’s Climate Change Minister - none other than the second home flipping Greg ‘Fudge’ Barker - did his bit for the wind turbine industry lobbyists on Monday by publicly proclaiming the beauty of wind farms and extolling their collective, eyesore, horizon-blighting array as ‘simply wonderful and majestic'.

Shrugging off suggestions from gutter press hacks that he’s a ‘jukebox politician’ – shove a few coins in and he’ll sing any tune you like – Barker also dismissed the condemnations of his Tory MP colleague John ‘Smiler’ Hayes who called for an end to wind turbines peppering the landscape of our once green and pleasant land and turning flocks of sheep into neurotic insomniacs with their constant 24/7 swishing drone – then gabbled on to promote wind farms as not only the singular viable alternative to fossil fuel power stations but something that would become a tourist attraction.

Que? WTF? Tourist attraction? Is this guy playing with a full deck? Oh well, here we have a tosspot who decided it was time to emerge from the closet – and left his comely brewery heiress wife to run off and live with another bloke - (Willy Banks-Blarney of Iron Hoof Interiors) - the feller Mrs Celeste Barker had hired to redecorate their family home in poxy Peasmarsh.
Hmmm, there’s no accounting for taste – especially so where wind turbines are concerned. Eye of the beholder indeed.

Speaking to one reporter from the Dipshits Review, Barker stated for the public record that he has no aesthetic objection to wind farms being erected around his own Sussex constituency as he now lives in London’s Scatborough Hamlets.
So Barker’s not out to prove his point by doing a veritable Selwyn ‘Moleman’ Gummer – and have a turbine erected in his back garden – or a piss-ant excuse of a contraption like Posh Dave – mounted on the roof.
Hence as far as Barker is concerned the blight of the wind turbine will befall all those living where it’s windy – and if a quick eyeball scan of their current national deployment means anything - in many cases where the wind never blows.

“The key to public acceptance of wind farms is making sure they are sensitively sited – and by that I mean in some other sod’s bailiwick – which is why the government is planning to offer cash incentives – or bribes - to communities that agree to have a wind turbine built alongside their homes.”

“Really, this isn’t like we’re pushing the construction of power line pylons across a residential estate and exposing every fucker and their dog to a continual dousing of electro-magnetic smog that’s going to see whole families coming down with leukaemia and all kinds of nasty tumours. Wind turbines are perfectly safe – unless you fly into one like those silly seagulls – and remember to wear earplugs in bed.”

Barker’s comments echo the position of Ed ‘Anorexia’ Davey, the Minister for Energy & Pork Pie Affairs, who has made it clear that this Gilbert & Sullivan charade of a Libservative Coalition is not retreating from its support for wind farms – or the forecast build of nuclear power stations.

To canny political abuse watchers Barker is too close by far to energy industry lobbyists – both foreign and domestic – and developed strong links with the Russian oil companies when he was head of communications at Wankprom Oil in Moscow from 1998–2000 and also worked for Gulag Gaz, owned by exiled zillionaire Russian oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles.

Further, Barker is a sycophantic twat, whose brown nose is never very far from being up PM Scameron’s arse – and in his capacity as Shadow Environment Secretary, accompanied Posh Dave on a trip to the Arctic Circle in 2006 for a fact-finding mission on global warming - to discover if there was any actual truth in the brass monkey urban legend.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, thank fuck Barker wasn’t made Minister for Art Appreciation during Scameron’s ‘Titanic deckchairs’ cabinet reshuffle in September - or given charge of purchasing for the National or Tate Galleries.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a number of shirt-lifters had their collective sensibilities temporarily upset.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

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