Operation Kiddie Fiddler Snares Max Clifford

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The red top gutter press headlines are chocker block with the usual bullshit this week as every fucker and their dog is set to vying for their fifteen minutes of global fame once predicted as the divine right of all men by Andy Warthole.

The White House’s Kenyan cuckoo, Barky Soetoro O’Barmy, is full of himself since Georgie Soros fixed his re-election for another four years in office - and threatening Basher Assad with ‘red lines’ and the fact he’s ‘being watched’ – with the Zionist-owned media claiming his military are already mixing the precursor elements for a chemical weapons attack (large amounts of propaganda and bullshit).

Plus if the rogue terrorist state of Israel stage one of their false flag attacks and fire off a couple of tabun or sarin nerve gas filled mortar rounds from the Jordanian border into some remote Syrian village and give a bunch of useless eater peasants a nasty cough, then that’s going to justify NATO humanitarian intervention - and Basher and his regime will to be history – just like the hapless Gaddafi before him.

The front page of the Daily Shitraker displays the message that international corporate income tax avoiders Starbucks, Google, Amazon have basically tossed the proverbial ‘digitus impudicus’ at HMRC and stated for the public record that if they’re expected to cough up hard-earned profits and slash stockholder dividends, then they’re going to find pastures new to do business and Broken Britain can kiss their arse bye-bye – albeit Starbucks did concede to making a voluntary contribution to the Tory Party re-election slush fund coffers in exchange for an immunity waiver for their past – and present (and future) acts of tax delinquency.

But pushing Barky and Syria, and the scumbag Israelis and mega bucks Yankee tax dodgers out of the limelight is Katie Middleclass, the first woman in the history of the known Universe to get pregnant and experience morning sickness (an acute case of ‘hyperemesis gravidarum’ no less) – but that’s the way of things when you’re carrying the next Messiah – or so the press hacks would have us believe.

Pity Kate can’t do as her African, Latin American and Asian contemporaries – work hunched over in a field, planting or weeding from dawn til dusk, until they go into labour and lie down under the nearest hedge, spit the sprog out with a couple of heaves, strap the fucker across their chest and slap a nipple in its mouth to shut it up, then go back to work.
Ha, these gals can’t even spell ‘gynaecologist’, never mind make an appointment to see one with their non-existent National Ill-Health Service systems.

Hence all of the above does serve a purpose in deflecting focus from Chancellor Osborne’s ‘Autumn Statement’ on the terminal decline of the UK’s economy – and disguising Georgie’s lack of nuance on how to solve the problem - and too the fact that the Met Plod Squad’s Operation Yewtree investigation into the history of kiddie fiddling in our once-sceptred isle since the last Ice Age to the present date has netted yet another celebrity name.

This time around it’s actually a living person who could possibly be prosecuted if the evidence doesn’t get lost (again) or the witnesses come down with an acute case of selective memory (again) or meet a tragic accident (again) – or go into self-harming suicide mode (again).

So who is the mystery man about to get tried in the court of public opinion? No Tory cabinet minister this time around – as it’s none other than media spin and PR guru Max Clifford, who was collared at his Surrey home yesterday while tucking into a breakfast of smoked salmon on lightly toasted ciabatta plus a slice of melon - while fondling the au pair girl’s ass - with arresting officer PC Harry McMoron slipping on the cuffs and reassuring him “No problems gov, you can catch up on brekkers later - there’ll be plenty of porridge on the menu where you’re going.”

Soundbite Sally McSkanger, spokeswoman for Max Clifford Associates, attempted to get some positive spin on her publicist boss’s predicament, informing frenzied press hacks that his arrest was in no way connected to the Jimmy Savile inquiry and buggering corpses at the Stoke Manderville Hospital’s morgue – not the parallel Masonic Felchers Club investigation – and in fact Clifford didn’t even own any pet hamsters, gerbils or guinea pigs called Scat, Fudger or Brownie.

Further, how Mr Clifford’s name, phone numbers and e-mail address came to be in hedge fund mogul Jeffrey Epstein’s notorious little black book was a mystery to Ms McSkanger as he had never visited the disgraced financier’s Porkbarrel Towers Penthouse in New York or engaged in kiddie fiddling massage games with Epstein’s harem of imported 12-year old Balkan sex slaves.

So the media focus is on Mr PR himself – a man whose talent for deodorising and polishing turds and heaps of shite goes undisputed – as this guy even managed to make the phoney Egyptian pharaoh cum costermonger, Mohammed al Fayed, look sort of ‘good’ – and whose media spin doctoring has turned war criminals into Catholic martyrs crying out for canonisation - and justified their human rights atrocities as the result of a troubled childhood.

Oh well, time will bear witness. Hopefully Maxie can spin his own arse out of a cesspit of scandal for a change (rumoured to be a case of historic sex abuse filed by an elementary school classmate who claims Clifford buggered his tortoise back in 1951).

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.