Fracking Industry Cops Early Christmas

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well the environmental pillagers of the shale gas fracking exploitation industry got their wish granted yesterday - thanks to the corrupt efforts of a cabal of House of Conmans MPs – first amongst them being the Coalition’s Lib-Dum Energy Secretary Ed ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Davey – along with a shower of shit political lobbyists and associated parties of self-interest who couldn’t give a flying fuck about the public good or the well-being of Planet Earth (or the Gaia Principle) - as long as the offertory plates of their God of Greed, Mammon, are laden with gilded lucre.

So as the “Go Fracking Go!” shout rises from the Philistine vulgarian investors and like-minded deluded proponents driving this fatally flawed system of gas extraction, perhaps it’s time for Lancashire residents to move all the priceless ‘Wakes Dynasty’ souvenir ceramics from Blackpool and Fleetwood off the mantelpiece before the frackers start drilling and pumping - and cause another series of tremors that’ll have pensioners shitting kittens, then peering out of the window for signs of a devastating super-tsunami rolling in towards their sleepy Southport and Lytham bungalows.

Lancastrians might well be looking south to Westminster and asking WTF? – but our Libservative government have been assured by the Department of Energy that ‘conditions’ have been put in place to prevent any catastrophic earthquakes.
What these enigmatic ‘conditions’ are nobody seems to know – with the more canny in the mining / engineering fields stating for the public record that such boasts are more at scent than substance.

Bev McSkanger, spokeswoman for Twat-Watch, the environment abuse monitor, informed one press hack from the Hack & Burn Gazette that “Regardless of this Cunt-Drill Resources chief executive Frank Greedo resorting to disingenuous rhetoric and convincing a gaggle of pigshit-thick civil servants that his company can foresee no further subterranean problems with their Lancashire fracking project – then the twat needs to be reminded that assumption wears a cloak of errors – or get himself a proper crystal ball.”

“They reckon they’re gonna carry out regular safety checks – but how the fuck can you carry out a risk assessment for a negative seismic reaction – commonly known as an earthquake - on something that’s happening down a pint pot sized drill hole thousands of feet below the surface of the Earth?”

“Fracking’s an environmentally unsound process of extracting shale gas that’s fraught with the spectre of unpredictable, disastrous consequences inasmuch it causes unseen geological damage and the mass pollution of the water table and deep aquifers. So the press can forget all the hype and disingenuous piffle about the nature of the rock sealing in the toxic chemicals – this shite migrates regardless – and by which time the guilty party exploiters are long gone.”

“Cunt-Drill and Ed Davey – and too PM Scameron and Chancellor Osborne - can embroider the process with shiny sequins and as much positive spin as any questionable practice might stand before it takes on an air of the ridiculous like a court jester but it still comes down to the fact fracking causes inst-quakes and they can’t predict when it’s gonna happen – or what intensity on the Richter scale.”

“The government’s other selling point for fracking is that it will produce cheap gas. Now that’s a crock of shit too and if they do believe the scam then they’re delusional as shale gas is never going to reduce the price clocked up on the household meter as the UK can't benefit from lower tariffs unless the rest of the EUSSR and the Brussels hierarchy decides to back shale gas due Europe having a gas grid that allows supplies to be traded to the highest bidder.”

“It’s all bollocks anyways – like North Sea gas – the government of the day pledged that prices would come tumbling down – and never did – and conversely to what was predicted – increased at a steady rate to the mega-bucks per therm charges of today for the imported product supplied by Russia’s Gulag Gaz that comes from Siberia.”

“At the end of the day it’s just the same as wind farms – they’ll only prove to be a viable source of alternative energy if we can process all the bullshit attached to the propaganda lobbying to sell these dodgy schemes - and turn it into fuel. Same as solar energy – that’s never really taken off anywhere in the world as the oil company majors don’t own the Sun. So I say ‘knackers to the frackers’ – they can fuck off, eat shit and die for all I care.”

Now to the downside - (Que, there’s an upside to this process? Okay – the upside would be ‘cheap gas’ – a thing that will never materialise while the EUSSR have a bidding cartel on natural gas supplies) – a sub-surface environment rendered seismically unstable and pollution to the Nth degree due the process of high-volume hydraulic fracturing (fracking) which pumps liver and kidney-killer toxic chemical and solvent cocktail blends like EXP-F0173-11 underground at high pressures to fragment the rocks – a delinquent act that will come back to haunt us for generations hence.

Hosepipe bans besides, in each fracking process 2 to 9 million gallons of water mixed with sand and chemicals are forced through the well into the subterranean geological formation at high pressure to fracture the shale and at the end of the process approximately half the fracking fluid remains in the ground. The rest of it – anywhere between 1,000,000 to 4,000,000 gallons - comes up out of the well and is considered industrial waste hence should be disposed of responsibly (sic).

The fracking fluids contain diesel fuel and a patented secret blend of as many as 200 individual chemicals – all highly toxic and which have adverse mutagenic side effects including DNA and brain damage, birth defects and cancer.
In addition to this chemical cocktail the water picks up hydrocarbons and heavy metals such as arsenic and radioactive elements from the shale.

The most common method of disposal of the waste fracking fluids hides under the acronym of DWIP (Deep Well Injection Disposal) – a process where the waste is ‘irresponsibly’ forced underground at high pressure into dry gas wells and can eventually migrate to poison the entire water table and deep aquifers.

Let’s not overlook the fact that each fracking / drill site, by its very nature of operations, emits air pollution from diesel generators, drill rigs, massive diesel-powered multi-stage liquid pumps and their trucks – along with condensate tanks and the flaring of wells being significant sources of VOC’s and nitrogen oxide, which react with sunlight to form concentrations of ozone: breathing that cause a range of respiratory health problems - including lung disease.
To wit, pristine green areas degraded into polluted brown field sites.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Link: http://thesatirestall.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/shale-gas-exploiters-told-frack-off.html

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.