Scameron Pulls HIV Scaremonger Act

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, the countdown to Christmas began yesterday as November became a fast decaying part of the recent past and the first of the festive season’s advent calendar windows was opened wide, but for the Tory super-snob PM Posh Dave Scameron it was World Aids Day and the chance for a couple of ‘best side only’ photo-op’s and to run a hare-brained line of STD scaremongering.

In an attempt to link World Aids Day awareness to his ‘fallen by the wayside’ Big Society concept, Scameron broke out a line of fatuous 'donkey logic' spiel that stretched from Downing Street to the far horizon while informing media reporters that the HIV alert event should be used to spread the message about testing and early diagnosis – then as a typical Tory ‘cart before the horse’ afterthought – the maxim of ‘prevention’ being better than cure.

Speaking to one press hack from the Pestilence Gazette, Scameron opined that 90-odd percent of the common herd were wholly ignorant concerning HIV and Aids as National Ill-Health Service figures suggest 25,000 people across Broken Britain might well have contracted the virus but didn’t know - yet.
"World Aids Day is a chance to promote awareness about HIV and remind the sodomite sector of our society that GAY is actually a wake up call acronym for ‘Got Aids Yet’ as the majority of people fail to realise they can catch it from shagging another bloke up the bum.”

“Lots of my old classmates from Heatherdown and Eton might well be walking round with HIV morphing into fully blown Aids. But that was typical of the public school homosexual culture really, when years ago we’d never heard of poofter-specific venereal diseases and the worse thing you could catch from ‘mano-a-mano’ after-dark bumboy games in the dormitory – or the Chaplain’s Lodge - was a dose of the clap or syphilis or a prolapsed sphincter and gangrenous haemorrhoids – which Matron always sorted out with a syringe full of antibiotics or streptomycin.”

“Personally I put the blame squarely on the shoulders of these bisexual oicks who’ve been too lazy and socially irresponsible by not slipping a condom over their willy, then passing on a dose of HIV from their fudging faggot pals to the unsuspecting straight / hetero side of society – their girl friends, mistresses, wives, the sexy bitch next door neighbour – and in many cases, the au pair girl who’s bonking every sod and their dog when she goes off on a supposed cash-in-hand babysitting session.”

Candida Mingerot, spokeswoman for the Fudgers Trust charity, informed media hacks that cold sweat ‘shitting kittens’ fear was preventing high risk MSM individuals (men who have sex with men) getting tested – albeit, in her opinion, they were much better off knowing if they had HIV – as per the 6,280 who were diagnosed with HIV last year and could now plan who they hated most and wanted to pass their terminal ‘pariah malady’ onto.

"It's extremely alarming that statistics indicate 100,000-plus people in the UK are currently living with HIV – that’s 1 in 20 MSM - but 25% are undiagnosed hence don’t know they’re infected – or are labouring under the misconception they’ve simply got a bad case of Dutch Elm Disease.”
“If they get tested and are positive, then start with the treatment straight away, there’s a good chance they can live to a ripe old age of 50-plus. But if they don’t then they’ll become very ill before being diagnosed and HIV morphs into full-blown AIDS, then the rot sets in and bits start dropping off.”

Do you wear a condom when you give your boyfriend one up the jacksy? Have you been taking it up the back passage recently? How about the manifestation of symptoms of any opportunistic infections such as septic haemorrhoids, galloping lymphoma, bronchial pneumonia, a gnawing brain tumour - or a chronic case of the screaming shits?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free National Ill-Health Service Trust hit or miss HIV test.
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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

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