Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Posh Dave Disputes Word of God

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following the latest political correctness requirement study expedited by the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, undertaken jointly with the House of Conmans Committee for Wasting Time & Money, the government has released details of how it intends to force the morally repugnant practice of same-sex marriage down the throats of British society – although civil partnerships more than meet the requirements of legal equality.

To make matters worse (if that is at all possible in the eyes of virtuous and stalwart church-going citizens with two ounces of as yet ‘untaxed’ moral scruples to rub together) the opportunistic leaders of all three main political parties have set themselves to chasing the Freedom to Marry / Stonewall gay vote via the issue of church weddings for two women – or two blokes – and thus promoting gay marriage in the eyes of God – even though the Holy Bible’s quite straightforward in its condemnation of the practice of ‘women lying with other women’ – and the abomination of men playing the beast with two backs.

The plans have divided Tory MPs but are supported by New Labour and the Librarian-Dummercrats – while the anachronistic Church of England and Roman Catholic Vatican, among other denominations, have joined in their unanimous opposition to same-sex marriage.

However certain religious groups - out to accommodate any old perversions to fill the offertory plates - including the Cheesy Crust Church for Latter Day Morons, the Pancake Tuesday Adventists, the Platonic Poofters for Christ, the Chapel of Rastafarian Reggae, the Black Mass Bummers, the Reptoid Shapeshifters for Satan, and the Holy Order of Mammon’s Kikesters are in favour of gay marriage and thought likely to apply to be allowed to stage matrimonial ceremonies – for a sliding scale rate of fiscal consideration.

The Tory’s expense-fiddling Equalities Minister Maria Miller (formerly Secretary for Prevarication) informed a press hack from the Sodomites Gazette that she fully supported the institution of marriage for same-sex couples and it was okay by her if two women wanted to live together and bonk each other with phallic salad veggies and a strap-on dildo – or a couple of blokes preferred this ‘bizarre buggery practice’ of sticking their willies up each others bums in preference to what normal people do.

Once started on her homily the ginger mingin moron couldn’t be silenced and pontificated that "Our Coalition government shouldn’t raise obstacles if two people want to get married unless there is a very good reason – and being gay, I don't believe, is one of them. Really and why not either when we have Labour supporters getting married to Lib-Dems and sometimes black women get hitched to white blokes – and Catholics to Protestants – and at the extreme end of the social scale even Liverpool soccer team supporters wed to Man United fans.”

“So what’s the difference for same sex couples - if Windy Miller has a crush on PC McGarry (#452) and they want to be joined in holy wedlock – or Barbie tells Ken to sod off and suck Todd’s cock as she wants to shack up with Stacie?”

This ‘Church versus State’ criterion has only reared its ugly head over the past week due Posh Dave Scameron announcing he wanted orthodox religious institutions in England and Wales - which had originally been excluded - to be part of the same-sex marriage ceremonies scheme.
When the House of Conmans committee released a consultation document on the controversial issue back in March it specifically excluded the idea of ceremonies in ‘religious buildings’ – including bus shelters outside churches, mosques and synagogues – and Tents for Christ.

However our shit-for-brains oick of a Tory leader – a bellwether of the ridiculous - in his unqualified arrogance, claims to know better than the Biblical wise men and prophets – and God Himself – and ignores the basic fact that Canon Law bans same sex marriages.

“The critics might well call me barking mad but this is the message we’re getting from gay voters – and there are millions of them around now who should be putting an X in the Tory box of the ballot sheet – so we have to go with the flow and if these people want to get married then it’s our job to pave the way for them.”

“I mean, really, if I was a career fudger like the majority of the civil service – which I’m not and haven’t engaged in bum sex since I was at Eton – I’d really enjoy blushing under my veil and walking up the aisle in white to the strains of ‘Here Comes the Bride’ – and then get covered in confetti outside the church – and throw my bouquet up in the air and piss my panties laughing at the antics of the likes of David Laws – or our closet case poofters Willy Vague and Georgie Osborne - climbing over each other in an attempt to catch it.”

“So to my mind I suppose there is a lot to be said for same sex marriages – especially if you could swap over the husband and wife roles every week so the same poor sod wasn’t taking it up the arse all the time. And what’s more, once this is all legalised then we’re not going to have repeats of that upsetting incident where Rupert and Simon went on holiday together to Iron Hoof Sands and that horrid homophobic B & B woman wouldn’t let them share a room as she didn’t want cack stains all over her floral bed sheets.”

“But this is the 21st Century and as Darwin said, we have to move with the times or we’ll simply end up like the dinosaurs – extinct – and Christ knows - whoops – no pun intended – why the Roman Catholic Vatican’s hierarchy are so dead set against performing gay marriages in church as 90% of their priests are raving shirt lifters and fudging pederasts grooming harems of choir boy catamites.”

In support of Scameron’s stance a dodgy cabal of senior Tory political types - wholly unqualified to pontificate on the subject due their number consisting of adulterers, divorcees, closet case fudgers and paedo’s – all pursuing some sinister self-serving agenda and including Education Secretary Michael ‘Pob’ Gove, London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and the bisexual former PM John Major in their ranks, have backed same-sex marriage by religious bodies.

Speaking to the Daily Shitraker, Bonkers Boris called for speedy legislation to be passed by Parliament. "Ed Millipede’s New Labour Party would vote for it – along with Mick Clogg’s Lib-Dums – and legions of ex-public school Tories who were brought up on a curriculum of suck and swallow fellattio and sodomy are dying to get behind the vote.”

Scottish Nonce Party leader and First Minister Alex ‘Three Chins’ Salmond, admitted to press hacks that Scotland’s plans to field a bill in Holyrood to allow same-sex marriage with civil and religious ceremonies continue to be muddled, as per most other matters concerning Nonce Land politics, due the fact that the men already wore skirts.

Thought for the day. Anyone remember a thing called Section 28 of the Local Government Act?
Just wait til the EUSSR bureaucrats in Brussels get their interfering Equal Rights fingers involved in this mess of pottage and gays demand the right not only to marry in church but to get preggers and bear children. Now that will present a technical conundrum for the sex change surgeons.

Hmmm, why do we sense this is yet another Libservative Coalition socio-political catastrophe brewing to reach a critical mass state then erupt in a mosh pit backlash reaction of cataclysmic proportions - perhaps like Sodom and Gomorrah?

So what the fuck’s next - legalised kiddie fiddling? Plenty of Masonic politico apparatchiks want to see that become a reality so they don’t have associate with the pretentious scumbag likes of the BBC’s celebrity DJ paedo pimps - or go skulking around North Wales orphanages or hiding behind Boy Scout huts – or sod off to some Third World basket case dump to exercise their aberrant sexual perversions and butt fuck little boys?

Perhaps the stars are aligned and present an opportune moment to lobby the RSPCA to agree to the passage of some private members bill to legalise zoophilia?
And why not – it isn’t so long ago – 2006 - a Sudanese bloke, Charlie Tombe, was forced to marry a goat after he was caught ‘in fragrante delicto’ with the animal. Now that has got to be embarrassing (hasn’t it?) – caught ‘red handed’ (sic) stuck bollocks deep up the arse end of a goat or sheep in some farmer’s field.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

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