Tory Fuhrer Defends Political Nepotism

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The sanctimonious Posh Dave Scameron has this weekend defended the insidiously corrupt right to bestow internship placements on the noxious and incompetent offspring of friends and colleagues – whereas the Prime Minister's views conflict directly with those of his Lib-Dum deputy Mick 'Janus' Clogg, who believes the practice not only presents a class barrier to social mobility but stinks like a festering midden of simony more so than mere nepotism.

Scameron, a man now stricken with severe credibility issues, informed one gutter press hack from the Scandalmongers Gazette that he saw no problems in awarding work experience positions to friends and personal acquaintances and had recently offered a clerking internship in the House of Conmans accounts department to a neighbour’s son, Rupert Fudgeberry, who couldn’t get a job in the real world due the fact he didn’t have the brains to shit straight.

However, Irwin Bogbrush, the Labour party’s Shadow ‘Minister for Absolute Drivel’, expressed in a privileged Parliamentary speech that “The problem here lies in the fact that these internships are bestowed as patronage to the bungling sprogs of fellow Freemasons and the like - and never on the underprivileged yet meritorious kids of the bloke who cleans Mr Scameron’s windows or cuts the lawn.”
“This represents an abuse of position and power – an actual corruption of political office – to award some talentless oick a station of employment that demands a certain measure and degree of competence, while others, more superbly qualified and of a greater industrious nature, are snubbed due the fact they didn’t attend Eton nor enjoyed membership of Oxford University’s Bullingdon Chew n Spew Dining Club – or know how to do any secret handshakes.”

Speaking candidly and in confidence to a reporter from the Daily Shitraker in the House of Conmans’ saloon bar later, Bogbrush opined “Criticism aside, our Prime Minister maintains he sees nothing wrong with bestowing a “leg-up internship" on this Rupert Fudgeberry character – which to my discerning nostril bears more of the scent of a beast with two backs ‘leg-over’ than a leg-up.”
“At the end of the day someone’s getting marginalised and screwed over, and it isn’t the Horray Henrys and Galloping Godfrey poofter types that seem to be bred by, or attach themselves to, the Tory aristocrats’ ruling clans. Yet another disgusting example of abuse by Britain’s elitist fraternity in Whitehall and Parliament - you might well compare Scameron’s lax views of socio-political right and wrong with the Borgia papacy.”

In a total contradiction to his Master’s voice, deputy PM Mick Clogg went into ‘blackbird bickerage’ mode and criticised the monopolisation of valued internships by the children of the snotty-nosed and well-connected - and publicly shouted down the elitist Conservative fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement during a ‘blabberwocky’ reveal all piss-up at the Bolshevik Arms pub in Soho.

Here Cloggy was supported and cheered on by career political nihilist Vince Cobble and a few more of the Librarian-Dummercat rebels – including the dipsomaniac ex-Lib-Dum leader Chaz Kennedy until he realised, in typical Jock tradition, that the next round was his shout and pissed off home faster than a rat out of an aquaduct.

Regardless of comeback and stricture from the Conservative whips, Cloggy especially urged corporate entities, such as the City’s major rip-off banks, to appoint interns in a more open and democratic manner, to enable and afford young people from disadvantaged backgrounds the same opportunities to get into competitive high salaried careers where they can feather their nests and donate lots of money to the Lib-Dum Party coffers.

Conversely, the Tory Party office told the media they were quite shocked by Clogg’s comments and pointed out that as from April 2012 the coalition had now mandated that all civil service internships would be available through a simplified process regulated by enhanced transparency – requiring the applicant’s fathers to be Tory Party donors with a 12th degree Freemasonry rank or above and belong to an exploitively expensive golf club.

Thought for the day: While nepotism is a curse of patronage on society in itself, what further damns this practice is the fact the majority of these dodgy appointments of slack-jawed, inbred clots to posts of officialdom that demand competence, and qualification in something more than being pretty good at Monopoly or tennis, is the corrupt tragedy of ‘sinecurism’ - corporatism where political parties and governments are not only sponsored, but actually controlled by private economic power.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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