Friday, 8 April 2011

Libservative Fascists to Limit Right of Protest

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Based on an off-the-cuff draft proposal by the intellectually-challenged Home Secretary Theresa Maybe - the fascista Tory MP for the stockbroker belt Pikey’s Crotch constituency - the UK’s Plod Squads may shortly be empowered by Parliamentary decree to prevent persons classed as ‘hooligans’ from attending rallies and marches after Bolshie agent provocateurs marred the anti local authority spending cuts protest in Trafalgar Square recently by starting World War Three and setting fire to a group of moronic Community Enforcement Officers.

Further draconic powers could well include authorising police to oblige (read ‘compel’) demonstrators - who don’t want their Mums to see them being a public nusiance on television - to remove their face-scarves and balaclavas so they can be readily identified, photographed and labelled as ‘radical nihilists’, then added to the government’s Big Brother 666 criminal database.
This move has been readily accepted and endorsed by the Amnesty International and Ox-Rat watchdog charities - provided the Plods and drafted security personnel from the Renta-Thug Agency cease removing their uniform ID numbers and also stop wearing ‘Nasty Ninja’ ski masks under their anti-bonk helmets.

However the announcement has raised concerns among moderate MPs possessed with a modicum of common sense and who maintain no knee-jerk reflex decision should be made on the issue as pudgy plods will simply abuse the “stop and search” powers to target any fucker and their dog for arbitrary arrest to earn ‘brownie points’ rather than risk a coronary chasing after known anarchists and brick-chucking scallies.

This factor was amply displayed in the case of Jody McIntyre, the cerebral palsy sufferer who joined the tuition fee hike student protesters in London last December and became a victim of an unprovoked attack when one Plod Squad officer from the Met’s ‘Kneecappers Unit’ applied 'disproportionate force' in tossing him out of his wheelchair and dragging him bodily across the road.

Such barbarity was further clearly evidenced during the the same demonstrations in Parliament Square when a 20-year old who breached a cordon to go and use the toilet was falsely arrested by three Met Plod Squad officers who conspired to concoct a series of false charges against him – such as assaulting one officer by attempting to bite the steel toecap off his boot – which resulted in the victim losing several front teeth. The case is currently being investigated by the Independent Police Coverups Commission for alleged criminal and gross misconduct by the Met’s ‘Finest’ (sic).

Conversely the Libservative Coalition Fuhrer, PM Posh Dave Scameron, told several hacks from the gutter press red top tabloids “I personally find it quite amazing why on earth anyone would want to protest about anything now New Labour have been consigned to the losers scrap heap and you have a Tory government back in office – and one being helped out by Mr Clogg and his coalition Lib-Dum chappies."
"Hey, you guys have got to remember we’re all in this together, and while it took Tony Bliar and Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown thirteen years to totally fuck the country up and create Broken Britain, we’re hoping to get things pretty well sorted out by 2020 – give or take a year and how many more Muslim Arab countries we have to invade first.”

Speaking in the House of Conmans yesterday Theresa Maybe, ignoring the fact it’s bad enough to be thought a fool without opening one’s mouth and confirming the fact, suffered one of her routine ‘blonde moments’ and announced for the Hansard record and the amusement of her fellow MPs, “We obviously have a growing problem with these protest rallies and marches that seem to kick off every time Mr Scameron or Mr Clogg open their mouths – or Mr Osborne puts another penny tax on petrol or beer.”
“Thus I have faxed the Met’ Commissioner to inquire what his officers need to prevent outbreaks of violence at these anarchist demonstrations before it occurs and he’s replied - hopefully in jest - that a crystal ball would come in handy.”

“If the police need extra Asbo style powers to impose our Big Society fascist state so the sheeple will do as they’re told, I shall not hesitate in granting them to ban known hooligans and scrotes from these annoying marches and further empower police officers to force the removal of face-coverings such as the brazen Mr Scameron smiley masks that Poundland stores are selling.”

The Home Secretary’s announcement was greeted with sporadic heckling from the Labour back benches, with Sir Wormhole Chuckabutty, MP for East London’s Slumborough Hamlets, challenging Ms Maybe with the fact she was blissfully oblivious to, and ignorant of, the true sentiment of the nation’s voting electorate.

Employing a known irritant from her high school days by referring to her with the disparaging sobriquet of ‘Dandruff Doris’, Sir Wormhole further castigated the intended scheme, stating “It’s all okay for you to go on about sanctioning draconic policing powers to suppress democratic disapprobation at this Coalition’s mismanagement of national affairs – but when you have your senile Business Secretary Vince Cobblers going into blabberwocky mode and informing an interviewer from the BBC’s ‘Shitraker Hour’ programme that the government are not going to back down on anything to please a bunch of rowdy oicks then what choice do the public have to register their anger?”
“Hence if the marches and rallies accomplish nothing and the government doesn’t budge, then the only option left to the public is to participate in more aggressive forms of protest, take a leaf out of that iconic Yorkshireman’s book and blow up bloody Parliament.”

Thought for the day: So, will ‘Dandruff Doris’s draconic crowd control scheme be put into action during the next scheduled protest rally against public spending cuts on the 29th April on the occasion of Prince Willy and Kate Middleclass’s ‘Right Royal Wedding Extravaganza’?

Anarchy Central plans to send a message to the powers that be on this auspicious day of ostentatious prodigality – which will serve to represent a lavish and imprudent waste of funds from the public purse during a period of extreme fiscal parsimony – staged simply to create a mesmeric ‘Soma’ distraction for the common herd – celebrating a pair of privileged prats getting hitched in grand Busby Berkeley-Cinderella fashion.

Hmmm, obviously the bottom feeding scumbag elitists, plutocrats and sinecurist puppet politicians running the UK have forgotten what led to the fall of Rome – and the 1789 French revolution – and the 1917 overthrow of the Romanov dynasty.
So, can someone kindly inform these clots that the annual March Madness season’s now over and that April Fool’s Day only occurs on the first and doesn’t run for the whole month.

Oh, and by the way, fuck Big Brother – and his sister - and the ZioNazi Freemasons and Agenda 21, and their New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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