GPs Appointed New AGW Scaremongers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an all-out effort to compound their worse mistake since the last great mistake, the Libservative Coalition government’s Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next has decided to task the NHS and local GPs to assume the Cassandra ‘leadership’ role of doomsayers to promote the fatally flawed and flagging anthropogenic global warming scam by re-branding it under a ‘climate change’ heading - and hopefully provide a much needed boost to the associated carbon cap n trade emission offset credits exchange which has gone tits up in spectacular fashion due the next Ice Age giving everyone a sharp nudge over the past two winters.

The government, now running out of sensible ideas to convince the common herd that global warming / climate change is the biggest threat to Western civilisation and life on Earth since Dubya Bush was the US President, have decided to call on doctors to use their position of trust in society (sic) to build support for action on climate change and get the hapless public loading up their credit cards with charges for eco-friendly technologies such as personalised wind turbines, solar panels, GM bio-tech compost heaps and clockwork vibrators.

Now the UK’s seasons have altered from Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter to ‘almost Winter, Winter and the June-July Monsoon’ – and no fucker or their dog seems to be heeding the Apocalyptic scaremongering calls of “We’re all gonna die!” – local family GP’s across the UK are being tasked with taking a leading role in delivering a stark warning and highlighting the dangers of global warming-driven climate change, which is forecast to lead to conflict, disease, ill-health and wet feet - and collectively threaten global security even more than the current belligerent neo-colonial expansionist military actions of the US, Israel and NATO combined.

Professor Morton Fuctifino, a clinical propagandist who studied at the Chicken Little Institute for Bogus Alarmism, related during an interview on the BBC’s ‘Scaremongers Hour’, that British doctors, unlike their Third World counterparts, are often regarded as authoritative and trusted by their communities – apart from the occasional aberrations such as Harold Shipman and Freddie Patel– and must spread the word that everyone has to do their bit to fight Mother Nature’s mass extinction plan and combat climate change – adding the hortative “Like all good medicine, prevention is the key”.

Prof Fuctifino continued that doctors should take up the climate challenge just as they did with the harm from tobacco use and chewing asbestos or snorting nuclear waste - or joining the military and going to war – even though they purposely ignore or overlook the dangers caused by GM Frankenfoods and fluoridation of water supplies and unsafe food additives and sweeteners such as aspartame – and toxic vaccines and medications - due all the backhanders they get from Big Pharma.

"Many doctors see suffering and death first-hand on a daily basis – especially if they’re involved with A & E services during binge drinking weekends or travelling on the London Tube system – or live in Brixton. Hence they can advise patients who have just called in to get their haemorrhoid cream prescription renewed that they need to forget about giving up smoking or cutting down on their alcohol intakes and start worrying about the rising sea levels and marauding polar bears and rabid penguin packs – and can additionally hand out some further medication for the anxiety and depression they’ve just caused.”

“Regardless, the public have to recognise and accept that global warming is perhaps the 21st Century's biggest foreign policy challenge - and that climate change will exacerbate poverty and contribute to the further weakening of fragile socio-economic infrastructure more so than Chancellor George Osborne’s draconic budget cuts to local authority spending.”

Would you trust anything your doctor tells you or take any medicines he prescribed – or do you only visit your local GP practice clinic to get your sick note renewed?

*Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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